<p>JUNE 16.</p>
<p>"Why do I not write to you?" You lay claim to learning, and ask such a
question. You should have guessed that I am well—that is to say—in
a word, I have made an acquaintance who has won my heart: I have—I
know not.</p>
<p>To give you a regular account of the manner in which I have become
acquainted with the most amiable of women would be a difficult task. I am
a happy and contented mortal, but a poor historian.</p>
<p>An angel! Nonsense! Everybody so describes his mistress; and yet I find it
impossible to tell you how perfect she is, or why she is so perfect:
suffice it to say she has captivated all my senses.</p>
<p>So much simplicity with so much understanding—so mild, and yet so
resolute—a mind so placid, and a life so active.</p>
<p>But all this is ugly balderdash, which expresses not a single character
nor feature. Some other time—but no, not some other time, now, this
very instant, will I tell you all about it. Now or never. Well, between
ourselves, since I commenced my letter, I have been three times on the
point of throwing down my pen, of ordering my horse, and riding out. And
yet I vowed this morning that I would not ride to-day, and yet every
moment I am rushing to the window to see how high the sun is.</p>
<p>I could not restrain myself—go to her I must. I have just returned,
Wilhelm; and whilst I am taking supper I will write to you. What a delight
it was for my soul to see her in the midst of her dear, beautiful
children,—eight brothers and sisters!</p>
<p>But, if I proceed thus, you will be no wiser at the end of my letter than
you were at the beginning. Attend, then, and I will compel myself to give
you the details.</p>
<p>I mentioned to you the other day that I had become acquainted with S—,
the district judge, and that he had invited me to go and visit him in his
retirement, or rather in his little kingdom. But I neglected going, and
perhaps should never have gone, if chance had not discovered to me the
treasure which lay concealed in that retired spot. Some of our young
people had proposed giving a ball in the country, at which I consented to
be present. I offered my hand for the evening to a pretty and agreeable,
but rather commonplace, sort of girl from the immediate neighbourhood; and
it was agreed that I should engage a carriage, and call upon Charlotte,
with my partner and her aunt, to convey them to the ball. My companion
informed me, as we drove along through the park to the hunting-lodge, that
I should make the acquaintance of a very charming young lady. "Take care,"
added the aunt, "that you do not lose your heart." "Why?" said I. "Because
she is already engaged to a very worthy man," she replied, "who is gone to
settle his affairs upon the death of his father, and will succeed to a
very considerable inheritance." This information possessed no interest for
me. When we arrived at the gate, the sun was setting behind the tops of
the mountains. The atmosphere was heavy; and the ladies expressed their
fears of an approaching storm, as masses of low black clouds were
gathering in the horizon. I relieved their anxieties by pretending to be
weather-wise, although I myself had some apprehensions lest our pleasure
should be interrupted.</p>
<p>I alighted; and a maid came to the door, and requested us to wait a moment
for her mistress. I walked across the court to a well-built house, and,
ascending the flight of steps in front, opened the door, and saw before me
the most charming spectacle I had ever witnessed. Six children, from
eleven to two years old, were running about the hall, and surrounding a
lady of middle height, with a lovely figure, dressed in a robe of simple
white, trimmed with pink ribbons. She was holding a rye loaf in her hand,
and was cutting slices for the little ones all around, in proportion to
their age and appetite. She performed her task in a graceful and
affectionate manner; each claimant awaiting his turn with outstretched
hands, and boisterously shouting his thanks. Some of them ran away at
once, to enjoy their evening meal; whilst others, of a gentler
disposition, retired to the courtyard to see the strangers, and to survey
the carriage in which their Charlotte was to drive away. "Pray forgive me
for giving you the trouble to come for me, and for keeping the ladies
waiting: but dressing, and arranging some household duties before I leave,
had made me forget my children's supper; and they do not like to take it
from any one but me." I uttered some indifferent compliment: but my whole
soul was absorbed by her air, her voice, her manner; and I had scarcely
recovered myself when she ran into her room to fetch her gloves and fan.
The young ones threw inquiring glances at me from a distance; whilst I
approached the youngest, a most delicious little creature. He drew back;
and Charlotte, entering at the very moment, said, "Louis, shake hands with
your cousin." The little fellow obeyed willingly; and I could not resist
giving him a hearty kiss, notwithstanding his rather dirty face. "Cousin,"
said I to Charlotte, as I handed her down, "do you think I deserve the
happiness of being related to you?" She replied, with a ready smile, "Oh!
I have such a number of cousins, that I should be sorry if you were the
most undeserving of them." In taking leave, she desired her next sister,
Sophy, a girl about eleven years old, to take great care of the children,
and to say good-bye to papa for her when he came home from his ride. She
enjoined to the little ones to obey their sister Sophy as they would
herself, upon which some promised that they would; but a little
fair-haired girl, about six years old, looked discontented, and said, "But
Sophy is not you, Charlotte; and we like you best." The two eldest boys
had clambered up the carriage; and, at my request, she permitted them to
accompany us a little way through the forest, upon their promising to sit
very still, and hold fast.</p>
<p>We were hardly seated, and the ladies had scarcely exchanged compliments,
making the usual remarks upon each other's dress, and upon the company
they expected to meet, when Charlotte stopped the carriage, and made her
brothers get down. They insisted upon kissing her hands once more; which
the eldest did with all the tenderness of a youth of fifteen, but the
other in a lighter and more careless manner. She desired them again to
give her love to the children, and we drove off.</p>
<p>The aunt inquired of Charlotte whether she had finished the book she had
last sent her. "No," said Charlotte; "I did not like it: you can have it
again. And the one before was not much better." I was surprised, upon
asking the title, to hear that it was ____. (We feel obliged to suppress
the passage in the letter, to prevent any one from feeling aggrieved;
although no author need pay much attention to the opinion of a mere girl,
or that of an unsteady young man.)</p>
<p>I found penetration and character in everything she said: every expression
seemed to brighten her features with new charms,—with new rays of
genius,—which unfolded by degrees, as she felt herself understood.</p>
<p>"When I was younger," she observed, "I loved nothing so much as romances.
Nothing could equal my delight when, on some holiday, I could settle down
quietly in a corner, and enter with my whole heart and soul into the joys
or sorrows of some fictitious Leonora. I do not deny that they even
possess some charms for me yet. But I read so seldom, that I prefer books
suited exactly to my taste. And I like those authors best whose scenes
describe my own situation in life,—and the friends who are about me,
whose stories touch me with interest, from resembling my own homely
existence,—which, without being absolutely paradise, is, on the
whole, a source of indescribable happiness."</p>
<p>I endeavoured to conceal the emotion which these words occasioned, but it
was of slight avail; for, when she had expressed so truly her opinion of
"The Vicar of Wakefield," and of other works, the names of which I omit
(Though the names are omitted, yet the authors mentioned deserve
Charlotte's approbation, and will feel it in their hearts when they read
this passage. It concerns no other person.), I could no longer contain
myself, but gave full utterance to what I thought of it: and it was not
until Charlotte had addressed herself to the two other ladies, that I
remembered their presence, and observed them sitting mute with
astonishment. The aunt looked at me several times with an air of raillery,
which, however, I did not at all mind.</p>
<p>We talked of the pleasures of dancing. "If it is a fault to love it," said
Charlotte, "I am ready to confess that I prize it above all other
amusements. If anything disturbs me, I go to the piano, play an air to
which I have danced, and all goes right again directly."</p>
<p>You, who know me, can fancy how steadfastly I gazed upon her rich dark
eyes during these remarks, how my very soul gloated over her warm lips and
fresh, glowing cheeks, how I became quite lost in the delightful meaning
of her words, so much so, that I scarcely heard the actual expressions. In
short, I alighted from the carriage like a person in a dream, and was so
lost to the dim world around me, that I scarcely heard the music which
resounded from the illuminated ballroom.</p>
<p>The two Messrs. Andran and a certain N. N. (I cannot trouble myself with
the names), who were the aunt's and Charlotte's partners, received us at
the carriage-door, and took possession of their ladies, whilst I followed
with mine.</p>
<p>We commenced with a minuet. I led out one lady after another, and
precisely those who were the most disagreeable could not bring themselves
to leave off. Charlotte and her partner began an English country dance,
and you must imagine my delight when it was their turn to dance the figure
with us. You should see Charlotte dance. She dances with her whole heart
and soul: her figure is all harmony, elegance, and grace, as if she were
conscious of nothing else, and had no other thought or feeling; and,
doubtless, for the moment, every other sensation is extinct.</p>
<p>She was engaged for the second country dance, but promised me the third,
and assured me, with the most agreeable freedom, that she was very fond of
waltzing. "It is the custom here," she said, "for the previous partners to
waltz together; but my partner is an indifferent waltzer, and will feel
delighted if I save him the trouble. Your partner is not allowed to waltz,
and, indeed, is equally incapable: but I observed during the country dance
that you waltz well; so, if you will waltz with me, I beg you would
propose it to my partner, and I will propose it to yours." We agreed, and
it was arranged that our partners should mutually entertain each other.</p>
<p>We set off, and, at first, delighted ourselves with the usual graceful
motions of the arms. With what grace, with what ease, she moved! When the
waltz commenced, and the dancers whirled around each other in the giddy
maze, there was some confusion, owing to the incapacity of some of the
dancers. We judiciously remained still, allowing the others to weary
themselves; and, when the awkward dancers had withdrawn, we joined in, and
kept it up famously together with one other couple,—Andran and his
partner. Never did I dance more lightly. I felt myself more than mortal,
holding this loveliest of creatures in my arms, flying, with her as
rapidly as the wind, till I lost sight of every other object; and O
Wilhelm, I vowed at that moment, that a maiden whom I loved, or for whom I
felt the slightest attachment, never, never should waltz with any one else
but with me, if I went to perdition for it!—you will understand
this.</p>
<p>We took a few turns in the room to recover our breath. Charlotte sat down,
and felt refreshed by partaking of some oranges which I had had secured,—the
only ones that had been left; but at every slice which, from politeness,
she offered to her neighbours, I felt as though a dagger went through my
heart.</p>
<p>We were the second couple in the third country dance. As we were going
down (and Heaven knows with what ecstasy I gazed at her arms and eyes,
beaming with the sweetest feeling of pure and genuine enjoyment), we
passed a lady whom I had noticed for her charming expression of
countenance; although she was no longer young. She looked at Charlotte
with a smile, then, holding up her finger in a threatening attitude,
repeated twice in a very significant tone of voice the name of "Albert."</p>
<p>"Who is Albert," said I to Charlotte, "if it is not impertinent to ask?"
She was about to answer, when we were obliged to separate, in order to
execute a figure in the dance; and, as we crossed over again in front of
each other, I perceived she looked somewhat pensive. "Why need I conceal
it from you?" she said, as she gave me her hand for the promenade. "Albert
is a worthy man, to whom I am engaged." Now, there was nothing new to me
in this (for the girls had told me of it on the way); but it was so far
new that I had not thought of it in connection with her whom, in so short
a time, I had learned to prize so highly. Enough, I became confused, got
out in the figure, and occasioned general confusion; so that it required
all Charlotte's presence of mind to set me right by pulling and pushing me
into my proper place.</p>
<p>The dance was not yet finished when the lightning which had for some time
been seen in the horizon, and which I had asserted to proceed entirely
from heat, grew more violent; and the thunder was heard above the music.
When any distress or terror surprises us in the midst of our amusements,
it naturally makes a deeper impression than at other times, either because
the contrast makes us more keenly susceptible, or rather perhaps because
our senses are then more open to impressions, and the shock is
consequently stronger. To this cause I must ascribe the fright and shrieks
of the ladies. One sagaciously sat down in a corner with her back to the
window, and held her fingers to her ears; a second knelt down before her,
and hid her face in her lap; a third threw herself between them, and
embraced her sister with a thousand tears; some insisted on going home;
others, unconscious of their actions, wanted sufficient presence of mind
to repress the impertinence of their young partners, who sought to direct
to themselves those sighs which the lips of our agitated beauties intended
for heaven. Some of the gentlemen had gone down-stairs to smoke a quiet
cigar, and the rest of the company gladly embraced a happy suggestion of
the hostess to retire into another room which was provided with shutters
and curtains. We had hardly got there, when Charlotte placed the chairs in
a circle; and, when the company had sat down in compliance with her
request, she forthwith proposed a round game.</p>
<p>I noticed some of the company prepare their mouths and draw themselves up
at the prospect of some agreeable forfeit. "Let us play at counting," said
Charlotte. "Now, pay attention: I shall go round the circle from right to
left; and each person is to count, one after the other, the number that
comes to him, and must count fast; whoever stops or mistakes is to have a
box on the ear, and so on, till we have counted a thousand." It was
delightful to see the fun. She went round the circle with upraised arm.
"One," said the first; "two," the second; "three," the third; and so on,
till Charlotte went faster and faster. One made a mistake, instantly a box
on the ear; and, amid the laughter that ensued, came another box; and so
on, faster and faster. I myself came in for two. I fancied they were
harder than the rest, and felt quite delighted. A general laughter and
confusion put an end to the game long before we had counted as far as a
thousand. The party broke up into little separate knots: the storm had
ceased, and I followed Charlotte into the ballroom. On the way she said,
"The game banished their fears of the storm." I could make no reply. "I
myself," she continued, "was as much frightened as any of them; but by
affecting courage, to keep up the spirits of the others, I forgot my
apprehensions." We went to the window. It was still thundering at a
distance: a soft rain was pouring down over the country, and filled the
air around us with delicious odours. Charlotte leaned forward on her arm;
her eyes wandered over the scene; she raised them to the sky, and then
turned them upon me; they were moistened with tears; she placed her hand
on mine and said, "Klopstock!" at once I remembered the magnificent ode
which was in her thoughts: I felt oppressed with the weight of my
sensations, and sank under them. It was more than I could bear. I bent
over her hand, kissed it in a stream of delicious tears, and again looked
up to her eyes. Divine Klopstock! why didst thou not see thy apotheosis in
those eyes? And thy name so often profaned, would that I never heard it
repeated!</p>
<p>JUNE 19.</p>
<p>I no longer remember where I stopped in my narrative: I only know it was
two in the morning when I went to bed; and if you had been with me, that I
might have talked instead of writing to you, I should, in all probability,
have kept you up till daylight.</p>
<p>I think I have not yet related what happened as we rode home from the
ball, nor have I time to tell you now. It was a most magnificent sunrise:
the whole country was refreshed, and the rain fell drop by drop from the
trees in the forest. Our companions were asleep. Charlotte asked me if I
did not wish to sleep also, and begged of me not to make any ceremony on
her account. Looking steadfastly at her, I answered, "As long as I see
those eyes open, there is no fear of my falling asleep." We both continued
awake till we reached her door. The maid opened it softly, and assured
her, in answer to her inquiries, that her father and the children were
well, and still sleeping. I left her asking permission to visit her in the
course of the day. She consented, and I went, and, since that time, sun,
moon, and stars may pursue their course: I know not whether it is day or
night; the whole world is nothing to me.</p>
<p>JUNE 21.</p>
<p>My days are as happy as those reserved by God for his elect; and, whatever
be my fate hereafter, I can never say that I have not tasted joy,—the
purest joy of life. You know Walheim. I am now completely settled there.
In that spot I am only half a league from Charlotte; and there I enjoy
myself, and taste all the pleasure which can fall to the lot of man.</p>
<p>Little did I imagine, when I selected Walheim for my pedestrian
excursions, that all heaven lay so near it. How often in my wanderings
from the hillside or from the meadows across the river, have I beheld this
hunting-lodge, which now contains within it all the joy of my heart!</p>
<p>I have often, my dear Wilhelm, reflected on the eagerness men feel to
wander and make new discoveries, and upon that secret impulse which
afterward inclines them to return to their narrow circle, conform to the
laws of custom, and embarrass themselves no longer with what passes around
them.</p>
<p>It is so strange how, when I came here first, and gazed upon that lovely
valley from the hillside, I felt charmed with the entire scene surrounding
me. The little wood opposite—how delightful to sit under its shade!
How fine the view from that point of rock! Then, that delightful chain of
hills, and the exquisite valleys at their feet! Could I but wander and
lose myself amongst them! I went, and returned without finding what I
wished. Distance, my friend, is like futurity. A dim vastness is spread
before our souls: the perceptions of our mind are as obscure as those of
our vision; and we desire earnestly to surrender up our whole being, that
it may be filled with the complete and perfect bliss of one glorious
emotion. But alas! when we have attained our object, when the distant
there becomes the present here, all is changed: we are as poor and
circumscribed as ever, and our souls still languish for unattainable
happiness.</p>
<p>So does the restless traveller pant for his native soil, and find in his
own cottage, in the arms of his wife, in the affections of his children,
and in the labour necessary for their support, that happiness which he had
sought in vain through the wide world.</p>
<p>When, in the morning at sunrise, I go out to Walheim, and with my own
hands gather in the garden the pease which are to serve for my dinner,
when I sit down to shell them, and read my Homer during the intervals, and
then, selecting a saucepan from the kitchen, fetch my own butter, put my
mess on the fire, cover it up, and sit down to stir it as occasion
requires, I figure to myself the illustrious suitors of Penelope, killing,
dressing, and preparing their own oxen and swine. Nothing fills me with a
more pure and genuine sense of happiness than those traits of patriarchal
life which, thank Heaven! I can imitate without affectation. Happy is it,
indeed, for me that my heart is capable of feeling the same simple and
innocent pleasure as the peasant whose table is covered with food of his
own rearing, and who not only enjoys his meal, but remembers with delight
the happy days and sunny mornings when he planted it, the soft evenings
when he watered it, and the pleasure he experienced in watching its daily
growth.</p>
<p>JUNE 29.</p>
<p>The day before yesterday, the physician came from the town to pay a visit
to the judge. He found me on the floor playing with Charlotte's children.
Some of them were scrambling over me, and others romped with me; and, as I
caught and tickled them, they made a great noise. The doctor is a formal
sort of personage: he adjusts the plaits of his ruffles, and continually
settles his frill whilst he is talking to you; and he thought my conduct
beneath the dignity of a sensible man. I could perceive this by his
countenance. But I did not suffer myself to be disturbed. I allowed him to
continue his wise conversation, whilst I rebuilt the children's card
houses for them as fast as they threw them down. He went about the town
afterward, complaining that the judge's children were spoiled enough
before, but that now Werther was completely ruining them.</p>
<p>Yes, my dear Wilhelm, nothing on this earth affects my heart so much as
children. When I look on at their doings; when I mark in the little
creatures the seeds of all those virtues and qualities which they will one
day find so indispensable; when I behold in the obstinate all the future
firmness and constancy of a noble character; in the capricious, that
levity and gaiety of temper which will carry them lightly over the dangers
and troubles of life, their whole nature simple and unpolluted,—then
I call to mind the golden words of the Great Teacher of mankind, "Unless
ye become like one of these!" And now, my friend, these children, who are
our equals, whom we ought to consider as our models, we treat them as
though they were our subjects. They are allowed no will of their own. And
have we, then, none ourselves? Whence comes our exclusive right? Is it
because we are older and more experienced? Great God! from the height of
thy heaven thou beholdest great children and little children, and no
others; and thy Son has long since declared which afford thee greatest
pleasure. But they believe in him, and hear him not,—that, too, is
an old story; and they train their children after their own image, etc.</p>
<p>Adieu, Wilhelm: I will not further bewilder myself with this subject.</p>
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