<p><SPAN name="link2HCH0037" id="link2HCH0037"></SPAN></p>
<h2> CHAPTER XXXVII. HONOURABLY ACCOUNTS FOR Mr. WELLER'S ABSENCE, BY </h2>
<p>DESCRIBING A SOIREE TO WHICH HE WAS INVITED AND WENT; ALSO RELATES HOW HE
WAS ENTRUSTED BY Mr. PICKWICK WITH A PRIVATE MISSION OF DELICACY AND
IMPORTANCE</p>
<p>'Mr. Weller,' said Mrs. Craddock, upon the morning of this very eventful
day, 'here's a letter for you.'</p>
<p>'Wery odd that,' said Sam; 'I'm afeerd there must be somethin' the matter,
for I don't recollect any gen'l'm'n in my circle of acquaintance as is
capable o' writin' one.'</p>
<p>'Perhaps something uncommon has taken place,' observed Mrs. Craddock.</p>
<p>'It must be somethin' wery uncommon indeed, as could perduce a letter out
o' any friend o' mine,' replied Sam, shaking his head dubiously; 'nothin'
less than a nat'ral conwulsion, as the young gen'l'm'n observed ven he wos
took with fits. It can't be from the gov'ner,' said Sam, looking at the
direction. 'He always prints, I know, 'cos he learnt writin' from the
large bills in the booking-offices. It's a wery strange thing now, where
this here letter can ha' come from.'</p>
<p>As Sam said this, he did what a great many people do when they are
uncertain about the writer of a note—looked at the seal, and then at
the front, and then at the back, and then at the sides, and then at the
superscription; and, as a last resource, thought perhaps he might as well
look at the inside, and try to find out from that.</p>
<p>'It's wrote on gilt-edged paper,' said Sam, as he unfolded it, 'and sealed
in bronze vax vith the top of a door key. Now for it.' And, with a very
grave face, Mr. Weller slowly read as follows—</p>
<p>'A select company of the Bath footmen presents their compliments to Mr.
Weller, and requests the pleasure of his company this evening, to a
friendly swarry, consisting of a boiled leg of mutton with the usual
trimmings. The swarry to be on table at half-past nine o'clock
punctually.'</p>
<p>This was inclosed in another note, which ran thus—</p>
<p>'Mr. John Smauker, the gentleman who had the pleasure of meeting Mr.
Weller at the house of their mutual acquaintance, Mr. Bantam, a few days
since, begs to inclose Mr. Weller the herewith invitation. If Mr. Weller
will call on Mr. John Smauker at nine o'clock, Mr. John Smauker will have
the pleasure of introducing Mr. Weller.</p>
<p>(Signed) 'JOHN SMAUKER.'<br/></p>
<p>The envelope was directed to blank Weller, Esq., at Mr. Pickwick's; and in
a parenthesis, in the left hand corner, were the words 'airy bell,' as an
instruction to the bearer.</p>
<p>'Vell,' said Sam, 'this is comin' it rayther powerful, this is. I never
heerd a biled leg o' mutton called a swarry afore. I wonder wot they'd
call a roast one.'</p>
<p>However, without waiting to debate the point, Sam at once betook himself
into the presence of Mr. Pickwick, and requested leave of absence for that
evening, which was readily granted. With this permission and the
street-door key, Sam Weller issued forth a little before the appointed
time, and strolled leisurely towards Queen Square, which he no sooner
gained than he had the satisfaction of beholding Mr. John Smauker leaning
his powdered head against a lamp-post at a short distance off, smoking a
cigar through an amber tube.</p>
<p>'How do you do, Mr. Weller?' said Mr. John Smauker, raising his hat
gracefully with one hand, while he gently waved the other in a
condescending manner. 'How do you do, Sir?'</p>
<p>'Why, reasonably conwalessent,' replied Sam. 'How do YOU find yourself, my
dear feller?'</p>
<p>'Only so so,' said Mr. John Smauker.</p>
<p>'Ah, you've been a-workin' too hard,' observed Sam. 'I was fearful you
would; it won't do, you know; you must not give way to that 'ere
uncompromisin' spirit o' yourn.'</p>
<p>'It's not so much that, Mr. Weller,' replied Mr. John Smauker, 'as bad
wine; I'm afraid I've been dissipating.'</p>
<p>'Oh! that's it, is it?' said Sam; 'that's a wery bad complaint, that.'</p>
<p>'And yet the temptation, you see, Mr. Weller,' observed Mr. John Smauker.</p>
<p>'Ah, to be sure,' said Sam.</p>
<p>'Plunged into the very vortex of society, you know, Mr. Weller,' said Mr.
John Smauker, with a sigh.</p>
<p>'Dreadful, indeed!' rejoined Sam.</p>
<p>'But it's always the way,' said Mr. John Smauker; 'if your destiny leads
you into public life, and public station, you must expect to be subjected
to temptations which other people is free from, Mr. Weller.'</p>
<p>'Precisely what my uncle said, ven he vent into the public line,' remarked
Sam, 'and wery right the old gen'l'm'n wos, for he drank hisself to death
in somethin' less than a quarter.' Mr. John Smauker looked deeply
indignant at any parallel being drawn between himself and the deceased
gentleman in question; but, as Sam's face was in the most immovable state
of calmness, he thought better of it, and looked affable again. 'Perhaps
we had better be walking,' said Mr. Smauker, consulting a copper timepiece
which dwelt at the bottom of a deep watch-pocket, and was raised to the
surface by means of a black string, with a copper key at the other end.</p>
<p>'P'raps we had,' replied Sam, 'or they'll overdo the swarry, and that'll
spile it.'</p>
<p>'Have you drank the waters, Mr. Weller?' inquired his companion, as they
walked towards High Street.</p>
<p>'Once,' replied Sam.</p>
<p>'What did you think of 'em, Sir?'</p>
<p>'I thought they was particklery unpleasant,' replied Sam.</p>
<p>'Ah,' said Mr. John Smauker, 'you disliked the killibeate taste, perhaps?'</p>
<p>'I don't know much about that 'ere,' said Sam. 'I thought they'd a wery
strong flavour o' warm flat irons.'</p>
<p>'That IS the killibeate, Mr. Weller,' observed Mr. John Smauker
contemptuously.</p>
<p>'Well, if it is, it's a wery inexpressive word, that's all,' said Sam. 'It
may be, but I ain't much in the chimical line myself, so I can't say.' And
here, to the great horror of Mr. John Smauker, Sam Weller began to
whistle.</p>
<p>'I beg your pardon, Mr. Weller,' said Mr. John Smauker, agonised at the
exceeding ungenteel sound, 'will you take my arm?'</p>
<p>'Thank'ee, you're wery good, but I won't deprive you of it,' replied Sam.
'I've rayther a way o' putting my hands in my pockets, if it's all the
same to you.' As Sam said this, he suited the action to the word, and
whistled far louder than before.</p>
<p>'This way,' said his new friend, apparently much relieved as they turned
down a by-street; 'we shall soon be there.'</p>
<p>'Shall we?' said Sam, quite unmoved by the announcement of his close
vicinity to the select footmen of Bath.</p>
<p>'Yes,' said Mr. John Smauker. 'Don't be alarmed, Mr. Weller.'</p>
<p>'Oh, no,' said Sam.</p>
<p>'You'll see some very handsome uniforms, Mr. Weller,' continued Mr. John
Smauker; 'and perhaps you'll find some of the gentlemen rather high at
first, you know, but they'll soon come round.'</p>
<p>'That's wery kind on 'em,' replied Sam. 'And you know,' resumed Mr. John
Smauker, with an air of sublime protection—'you know, as you're a
stranger, perhaps, they'll be rather hard upon you at first.'</p>
<p>'They won't be wery cruel, though, will they?' inquired Sam.</p>
<p>'No, no,' replied Mr. John Smauker, pulling forth the fox's head, and
taking a gentlemanly pinch. 'There are some funny dogs among us, and they
will have their joke, you know; but you mustn't mind 'em, you mustn't mind
'em.'</p>
<p>'I'll try and bear up agin such a reg'lar knock down o' talent,' replied
Sam.</p>
<p>'That's right,' said Mr. John Smauker, putting forth his fox's head, and
elevating his own; 'I'll stand by you.'</p>
<p>By this time they had reached a small greengrocer's shop, which Mr. John
Smauker entered, followed by Sam, who, the moment he got behind him,
relapsed into a series of the very broadest and most unmitigated grins,
and manifested other demonstrations of being in a highly enviable state of
inward merriment.</p>
<p>Crossing the greengrocer's shop, and putting their hats on the stairs in
the little passage behind it, they walked into a small parlour; and here
the full splendour of the scene burst upon Mr. Weller's view.</p>
<p>A couple of tables were put together in the middle of the parlour, covered
with three or four cloths of different ages and dates of washing, arranged
to look as much like one as the circumstances of the case would allow.
Upon these were laid knives and forks for six or eight people. Some of the
knife handles were green, others red, and a few yellow; and as all the
forks were black, the combination of colours was exceedingly striking.
Plates for a corresponding number of guests were warming behind the
fender; and the guests themselves were warming before it: the chief and
most important of whom appeared to be a stoutish gentleman in a bright
crimson coat with long tails, vividly red breeches, and a cocked hat, who
was standing with his back to the fire, and had apparently just entered,
for besides retaining his cocked hat on his head, he carried in his hand a
high stick, such as gentlemen of his profession usually elevate in a
sloping position over the roofs of carriages.</p>
<p>'Smauker, my lad, your fin,' said the gentleman with the cocked hat.</p>
<p>Mr. Smauker dovetailed the top joint of his right-hand little finger into
that of the gentleman with the cocked hat, and said he was charmed to see
him looking so well.</p>
<p>'Well, they tell me I am looking pretty blooming,' said the man with the
cocked hat, 'and it's a wonder, too. I've been following our old woman
about, two hours a day, for the last fortnight; and if a constant
contemplation of the manner in which she hooks-and-eyes that infernal
lavender-coloured old gown of hers behind, isn't enough to throw anybody
into a low state of despondency for life, stop my quarter's salary.'</p>
<p>At this, the assembled selections laughed very heartily; and one gentleman
in a yellow waistcoat, with a coach-trimming border, whispered a neighbour
in green-foil smalls, that Tuckle was in spirits to-night.</p>
<p>'By the bye,' said Mr. Tuckle, 'Smauker, my boy, you—' The remainder
of the sentence was forwarded into Mr. John Smauker's ear, by whisper.</p>
<p>'Oh, dear me, I quite forgot,' said Mr. John Smauker. 'Gentlemen, my
friend Mr. Weller.'</p>
<p>'Sorry to keep the fire off you, Weller,' said Mr. Tuckle, with a familiar
nod. 'Hope you're not cold, Weller.'</p>
<p>'Not by no means, Blazes,' replied Sam. 'It 'ud be a wery chilly subject
as felt cold wen you stood opposite. You'd save coals if they put you
behind the fender in the waitin'-room at a public office, you would.'</p>
<p>As this retort appeared to convey rather a personal allusion to Mr.
Tuckle's crimson livery, that gentleman looked majestic for a few seconds,
but gradually edging away from the fire, broke into a forced smile, and
said it wasn't bad.</p>
<p>'Wery much obliged for your good opinion, sir,' replied Sam. 'We shall get
on by degrees, I des-say. We'll try a better one by and bye.'</p>
<p>At this point the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a
gentleman in orange-coloured plush, accompanied by another selection in
purple cloth, with a great extent of stocking. The new-comers having been
welcomed by the old ones, Mr. Tuckle put the question that supper be
ordered in, which was carried unanimously.</p>
<p>The greengrocer and his wife then arranged upon the table a boiled leg of
mutton, hot, with caper sauce, turnips, and potatoes. Mr. Tuckle took the
chair, and was supported at the other end of the board by the gentleman in
orange plush. The greengrocer put on a pair of wash-leather gloves to hand
the plates with, and stationed himself behind Mr. Tuckle's chair.</p>
<p>'Harris,' said Mr. Tuckle, in a commanding tone. 'Sir,' said the
greengrocer.</p>
<p>'Have you got your gloves on?' 'Yes, Sir.'</p>
<p>'Then take the kiver off.'</p>
<p>'Yes, Sir.'</p>
<p>The greengrocer did as he was told, with a show of great humility, and
obsequiously handed Mr. Tuckle the carving-knife; in doing which, he
accidentally gaped.</p>
<p>'What do you mean by that, Sir?' said Mr. Tuckle, with great asperity.</p>
<p>'I beg your pardon, Sir,' replied the crestfallen greengrocer, 'I didn't
mean to do it, Sir; I was up very late last night, Sir.'</p>
<p>'I tell you what my opinion of you is, Harris,' said Mr. Tuckle, with a
most impressive air, 'you're a wulgar beast.'</p>
<p>'I hope, gentlemen,' said Harris, 'that you won't be severe with me,
gentlemen. I am very much obliged to you indeed, gentlemen, for your
patronage, and also for your recommendations, gentlemen, whenever
additional assistance in waiting is required. I hope, gentlemen, I give
satisfaction.'</p>
<p>'No, you don't, Sir,' said Mr. Tuckle. 'Very far from it, Sir.'</p>
<p>'We consider you an inattentive reskel,' said the gentleman in the orange
plush.</p>
<p>'And a low thief,' added the gentleman in the green-foil smalls.</p>
<p>'And an unreclaimable blaygaird,' added the gentleman in purple.</p>
<p>The poor greengrocer bowed very humbly while these little epithets were
bestowed upon him, in the true spirit of the very smallest tyranny; and
when everybody had said something to show his superiority, Mr. Tuckle
proceeded to carve the leg of mutton, and to help the company.</p>
<p>This important business of the evening had hardly commenced, when the door
was thrown briskly open, and another gentleman in a light-blue suit, and
leaden buttons, made his appearance.</p>
<p>'Against the rules,' said Mr. Tuckle. 'Too late, too late.'</p>
<p>'No, no; positively I couldn't help it,' said the gentleman in blue. 'I
appeal to the company. An affair of gallantry now, an appointment at the
theayter.'</p>
<p>'Oh, that indeed,' said the gentleman in the orange plush.</p>
<p>'Yes; raly now, honour bright,' said the man in blue. 'I made a promese to
fetch our youngest daughter at half-past ten, and she is such an
uncauminly fine gal, that I raly hadn't the 'art to disappint her. No
offence to the present company, Sir, but a petticut, sir—a petticut,
Sir, is irrevokeable.'</p>
<p>'I begin to suspect there's something in that quarter,' said Tuckle, as
the new-comer took his seat next Sam, 'I've remarked, once or twice, that
she leans very heavy on your shoulder when she gets in and out of the
carriage.'</p>
<p>'Oh, raly, raly, Tuckle, you shouldn't,' said the man in blue. 'It's not
fair. I may have said to one or two friends that she wos a very divine
creechure, and had refused one or two offers without any hobvus cause, but—no,
no, no, indeed, Tuckle—before strangers, too—it's not right—you
shouldn't. Delicacy, my dear friend, delicacy!' And the man in blue,
pulling up his neckerchief, and adjusting his coat cuffs, nodded and
frowned as if there were more behind, which he could say if he liked, but
was bound in honour to suppress.</p>
<p>The man in blue being a light-haired, stiff-necked, free and easy sort of
footman, with a swaggering air and pert face, had attracted Mr. Weller's
special attention at first, but when he began to come out in this way, Sam
felt more than ever disposed to cultivate his acquaintance; so he launched
himself into the conversation at once, with characteristic independence.</p>
<p>'Your health, Sir,' said Sam. 'I like your conversation much. I think it's
wery pretty.'</p>
<p>At this the man in blue smiled, as if it were a compliment he was well
used to; but looked approvingly on Sam at the same time, and said he hoped
he should be better acquainted with him, for without any flattery at all
he seemed to have the makings of a very nice fellow about him, and to be
just the man after his own heart.</p>
<p>'You're wery good, sir,' said Sam. 'What a lucky feller you are!'</p>
<p>'How do you mean?' inquired the gentleman in blue.</p>
<p>'That 'ere young lady,' replied Sam.'She knows wot's wot, she does. Ah! I
see.' Mr. Weller closed one eye, and shook his head from side to side, in
a manner which was highly gratifying to the personal vanity of the
gentleman in blue.</p>
<p>'I'm afraid your a cunning fellow, Mr. Weller,' said that individual.</p>
<p>'No, no,' said Sam. 'I leave all that 'ere to you. It's a great deal more
in your way than mine, as the gen'l'm'n on the right side o' the garden
vall said to the man on the wrong un, ven the mad bull vos a-comin' up the
lane.'</p>
<p>'Well, well, Mr. Weller,' said the gentleman in blue, 'I think she has
remarked my air and manner, Mr. Weller.'</p>
<p>'I should think she couldn't wery well be off o' that,' said Sam.</p>
<p>'Have you any little thing of that kind in hand, sir?' inquired the
favoured gentleman in blue, drawing a toothpick from his waistcoat pocket.</p>
<p>'Not exactly,' said Sam. 'There's no daughters at my place, else o' course
I should ha' made up to vun on 'em. As it is, I don't think I can do with
anythin' under a female markis. I might keep up with a young 'ooman o'
large property as hadn't a title, if she made wery fierce love to me. Not
else.'</p>
<p>'Of course not, Mr. Weller,' said the gentleman in blue, 'one can't be
troubled, you know; and WE know, Mr. Weller—we, who are men of the
world—that a good uniform must work its way with the women, sooner
or later. In fact, that's the only thing, between you and me, that makes
the service worth entering into.'</p>
<p>'Just so,' said Sam. 'That's it, o' course.'</p>
<p>When this confidential dialogue had gone thus far, glasses were placed
round, and every gentleman ordered what he liked best, before the
public-house shut up. The gentleman in blue, and the man in orange, who
were the chief exquisites of the party, ordered 'cold shrub and water,'
but with the others, gin-and-water, sweet, appeared to be the favourite
beverage. Sam called the greengrocer a 'desp'rate willin,' and ordered a
large bowl of punch—two circumstances which seemed to raise him very
much in the opinion of the selections.</p>
<p>'Gentlemen,' said the man in blue, with an air of the most consummate
dandyism, 'I'll give you the ladies; come.'</p>
<p>'Hear, hear!' said Sam. 'The young mississes.'</p>
<p>Here there was a loud cry of 'Order,' and Mr. John Smauker, as the
gentleman who had introduced Mr. Weller into that company, begged to
inform him that the word he had just made use of, was unparliamentary.</p>
<p>'Which word was that 'ere, Sir?' inquired Sam. 'Mississes, Sir,' replied
Mr. John Smauker, with an alarming frown. 'We don't recognise such
distinctions here.'</p>
<p>'Oh, wery good,' said Sam; 'then I'll amend the obserwation and call 'em
the dear creeturs, if Blazes vill allow me.'</p>
<p>Some doubt appeared to exist in the mind of the gentleman in the
green-foil smalls, whether the chairman could be legally appealed to, as
'Blazes,' but as the company seemed more disposed to stand upon their own
rights than his, the question was not raised. The man with the cocked hat
breathed short, and looked long at Sam, but apparently thought it as well
to say nothing, in case he should get the worst of it. After a short
silence, a gentleman in an embroidered coat reaching down to his heels,
and a waistcoat of the same which kept one half of his legs warm, stirred
his gin-and-water with great energy, and putting himself upon his feet,
all at once by a violent effort, said he was desirous of offering a few
remarks to the company, whereupon the person in the cocked hat had no
doubt that the company would be very happy to hear any remarks that the
man in the long coat might wish to offer.</p>
<p>'I feel a great delicacy, gentlemen, in coming for'ard,' said the man in
the long coat, 'having the misforchune to be a coachman, and being only
admitted as a honorary member of these agreeable swarrys, but I do feel
myself bound, gentlemen—drove into a corner, if I may use the
expression—to make known an afflicting circumstance which has come
to my knowledge; which has happened I may say within the soap of my
everyday contemplation. Gentlemen, our friend Mr. Whiffers (everybody
looked at the individual in orange), our friend Mr. Whiffers has
resigned.'</p>
<p>Universal astonishment fell upon the hearers. Each gentleman looked in his
neighbour's face, and then transferred his glance to the upstanding
coachman.</p>
<p>'You may well be sapparised, gentlemen,' said the coachman. 'I will not
wenchure to state the reasons of this irrepairabel loss to the service,
but I will beg Mr. Whiffers to state them himself, for the improvement and
imitation of his admiring friends.'</p>
<p>The suggestion being loudly approved of, Mr. Whiffers explained. He said
he certainly could have wished to have continued to hold the appointment
he had just resigned. The uniform was extremely rich and expensive, the
females of the family was most agreeable, and the duties of the situation
was not, he was bound to say, too heavy; the principal service that was
required of him, being, that he should look out of the hall window as much
as possible, in company with another gentleman, who had also resigned. He
could have wished to have spared that company the painful and disgusting
detail on which he was about to enter, but as the explanation had been
demanded of him, he had no alternative but to state, boldly and
distinctly, that he had been required to eat cold meat.</p>
<p>It is impossible to conceive the disgust which this avowal awakened in the
bosoms of the hearers. Loud cries of 'Shame,' mingled with groans and
hisses, prevailed for a quarter of an hour.</p>
<p>Mr. Whiffers then added that he feared a portion of this outrage might be
traced to his own forbearing and accommodating disposition. He had a
distinct recollection of having once consented to eat salt butter, and he
had, moreover, on an occasion of sudden sickness in the house, so far
forgotten himself as to carry a coal-scuttle up to the second floor. He
trusted he had not lowered himself in the good opinion of his friends by
this frank confession of his faults; and he hoped the promptness with
which he had resented the last unmanly outrage on his feelings, to which
he had referred, would reinstate him in their good opinion, if he had.</p>
<p>Mr. Whiffers's address was responded to, with a shout of admiration, and
the health of the interesting martyr was drunk in a most enthusiastic
manner; for this, the martyr returned thanks, and proposed their visitor,
Mr. Weller—a gentleman whom he had not the pleasure of an intimate
acquaintance with, but who was the friend of Mr. John Smauker, which was a
sufficient letter of recommendation to any society of gentlemen whatever,
or wherever. On this account, he should have been disposed to have given
Mr. Weller's health with all the honours, if his friends had been drinking
wine; but as they were taking spirits by way of a change, and as it might
be inconvenient to empty a tumbler at every toast, he should propose that
the honours be understood.</p>
<p>At the conclusion of this speech, everybody took a sip in honour of Sam;
and Sam having ladled out, and drunk, two full glasses of punch in honour
of himself, returned thanks in a neat speech.</p>
<p>'Wery much obliged to you, old fellers,' said Sam, ladling away at the
punch in the most unembarrassed manner possible, 'for this here
compliment; which, comin' from sich a quarter, is wery overvelmin'. I've
heered a good deal on you as a body, but I will say, that I never thought
you was sich uncommon nice men as I find you air. I only hope you'll take
care o' yourselves, and not compromise nothin' o' your dignity, which is a
wery charmin' thing to see, when one's out a-walkin', and has always made
me wery happy to look at, ever since I was a boy about half as high as the
brass-headed stick o' my wery respectable friend, Blazes, there. As to the
wictim of oppression in the suit o' brimstone, all I can say of him, is,
that I hope he'll get jist as good a berth as he deserves; in vitch case
it's wery little cold swarry as ever he'll be troubled with agin.'</p>
<p>Here Sam sat down with a pleasant smile, and his speech having been
vociferously applauded, the company broke up.</p>
<p>'Wy, you don't mean to say you're a-goin' old feller?' said Sam Weller to
his friend, Mr. John Smauker.</p>
<p>'I must, indeed,' said Mr. Smauker; 'I promised Bantam.'</p>
<p>'Oh, wery well,' said Sam; 'that's another thing. P'raps he'd resign if
you disappinted him. You ain't a-goin', Blazes?'</p>
<p>'Yes, I am,' said the man with the cocked hat.</p>
<p>'Wot, and leave three-quarters of a bowl of punch behind you!' said Sam;
'nonsense, set down agin.'</p>
<p>Mr. Tuckle was not proof against this invitation. He laid aside the cocked
hat and stick which he had just taken up, and said he would have one
glass, for good fellowship's sake.</p>
<p>As the gentleman in blue went home the same way as Mr. Tuckle, he was
prevailed upon to stop too. When the punch was about half gone, Sam
ordered in some oysters from the green-grocer's shop; and the effect of
both was so extremely exhilarating, that Mr. Tuckle, dressed out with the
cocked hat and stick, danced the frog hornpipe among the shells on the
table, while the gentleman in blue played an accompaniment upon an
ingenious musical instrument formed of a hair-comb upon a curl-paper. At
last, when the punch was all gone, and the night nearly so, they sallied
forth to see each other home. Mr. Tuckle no sooner got into the open air,
than he was seized with a sudden desire to lie on the curbstone; Sam
thought it would be a pity to contradict him, and so let him have his own
way. As the cocked hat would have been spoiled if left there, Sam very
considerately flattened it down on the head of the gentleman in blue, and
putting the big stick in his hand, propped him up against his own
street-door, rang the bell, and walked quietly home.</p>
<p>At a much earlier hour next morning than his usual time of rising, Mr.
Pickwick walked downstairs completely dressed, and rang the bell.</p>
<p>'Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, when Mr. Weller appeared in reply to the
summons, 'shut the door.'</p>
<p>Mr. Weller did so.</p>
<p>'There was an unfortunate occurrence here, last night, Sam,' said Mr.
Pickwick, 'which gave Mr. Winkle some cause to apprehend violence from Mr.
Dowler.'</p>
<p>'So I've heerd from the old lady downstairs, Sir,' replied Sam.</p>
<p>'And I'm sorry to say, Sam,' continued Mr. Pickwick, with a most perplexed
countenance, 'that in dread of this violence, Mr. Winkle has gone away.'</p>
<p>'Gone avay!' said Sam.</p>
<p>'Left the house early this morning, without the slightest previous
communication with me,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'And is gone, I know not
where.'</p>
<p>'He should ha' stopped and fought it out, Sir,' replied Sam
contemptuously. 'It wouldn't take much to settle that 'ere Dowler, Sir.'</p>
<p>'Well, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'I may have my doubts of his great bravery
and determination also. But however that may be, Mr. Winkle is gone. He
must be found, Sam. Found and brought back to me.' 'And s'pose he won't
come back, Sir?' said Sam.</p>
<p>'He must be made, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick.</p>
<p>'Who's to do it, Sir?' inquired Sam, with a smile.</p>
<p>'You,' replied Mr. Pickwick.</p>
<p>'Wery good, Sir.'</p>
<p>With these words Mr. Weller left the room, and immediately afterwards was
heard to shut the street door. In two hours' time he returned with so much
coolness as if he had been despatched on the most ordinary message
possible, and brought the information that an individual, in every respect
answering Mr. Winkle's description, had gone over to Bristol that morning,
by the branch coach from the Royal Hotel.</p>
<p>'Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, grasping his hand, 'you're a capital fellow; an
invaluable fellow. You must follow him, Sam.'</p>
<p>'Cert'nly, Sir,' replied Mr. Weller.</p>
<p>'The instant you discover him, write to me immediately, Sam,' said Mr.
Pickwick. 'If he attempts to run away from you, knock him down, or lock
him up. You have my full authority, Sam.'</p>
<p>'I'll be wery careful, sir,' rejoined Sam.</p>
<p>'You'll tell him,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that I am highly excited, highly
displeased, and naturally indignant, at the very extraordinary course he
has thought proper to pursue.'</p>
<p>'I will, Sir,' replied Sam.</p>
<p>'You'll tell him,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that if he does not come back to
this very house, with you, he will come back with me, for I will come and
fetch him.'</p>
<p>'I'll mention that 'ere, Sir,' rejoined Sam.</p>
<p>'You think you can find him, Sam?' said Mr. Pickwick, looking earnestly in
his face.</p>
<p>'Oh, I'll find him if he's anyvere,' rejoined Sam, with great confidence.</p>
<p>'Very well,' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Then the sooner you go the better.'</p>
<p>With these instructions, Mr. Pickwick placed a sum of money in the hands
of his faithful servitor, and ordered him to start for Bristol
immediately, in pursuit of the fugitive.</p>
<p>Sam put a few necessaries in a carpet-bag, and was ready for starting. He
stopped when he had got to the end of the passage, and walking quietly
back, thrust his head in at the parlour door.</p>
<p>'Sir,' whispered Sam.</p>
<p>'Well, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick.</p>
<p>'I fully understands my instructions, do I, Sir?' inquired Sam.</p>
<p>'I hope so,' said Mr. Pickwick.</p>
<p>'It's reg'larly understood about the knockin' down, is it, Sir?' inquired
Sam.</p>
<p>'Perfectly,' replied Pickwick. 'Thoroughly. Do what you think necessary.
You have my orders.'</p>
<p>Sam gave a nod of intelligence, and withdrawing his head from the door,
set forth on his pilgrimage with a light heart.</p>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />