<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0068" id="link2H_4_0068"></SPAN></p>
<h2> To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. </h2>
<h3> DEAR WAT, </h3>
<p>Adventures begin to thicken as we advance to the southward. Lismahago has
now professed himself the admirer of our aunt, and carries on his
addresses under the sanction of her brother's approbation; so that we
shall certainly have a wedding by Christmas. I should be glad you was
present at the nuptials, to help me throw the stocking, and perform other
ceremonies peculiar to that occasion.—I am sure it will be
productive of some diversion; and, truly, it would be worth your while to
come across the country on purpose to see two such original figures in bed
together, with their laced night caps; he, the emblem of good cheer, and
she, the picture of good nature. All this agreeable prospect was clouded,
and had well nigh vanished entirely, in consequence of a late
misunderstanding between the future brothers-in-law, which, however, is
now happily removed.</p>
<p>A few days ago, my uncle and I, going to visit a relation, met with lord
Oxmington at his house, who asked us to dine with him, next day, and we
accepted the invitation.—Accordingly, leaving our women under the
care of captain Lismahago, at the inn where we had lodged the preceding
night, in a little town, about a mile from his lordship's dwelling, we
went at the hour appointed, and had a fashionable meal served up with much
ostentation to a company of about a dozen persons, none of whom he had
ever seen before.—His lordship is much more remarkable for his pride
and caprice, than for his hospitality and understanding; and, indeed, it
appeared, that he considered his guests merely as objects to shine upon,
so as to reflect the lustre of his own magnificence—There was much
state, but no courtesy; and a great deal of compliment without any
conversation.—Before the desert was removed, our noble entertainer
proposed three general toasts; then calling for a glass of wine, and
bowing all round, wished us a good afternoon. This was the signal for the
company to break up, and they obeyed it immediately, all except our
'squire who was greatly shocked at the manner of this dismission—He
changed countenance, bit his lip in silence, but still kept his seat, so
that his lordship found himself obliged to give us another hint, by
saying, he should be glad to see us another time. 'There is no time like
the present (cried Mr Bramble); your lordship has not yet drank a bumper
to the best in Christendom.' 'I'll drink no more bumpers to-day (answered
our landlord); and I am sorry to see you have drank too many.—Order
the gentleman's carriage to the gate.'—So saying, he rose and
retired abruptly; our 'squire starting up at the same time, laying his
hand upon his sword, and eyeing him with a most ferocious aspect. The
master having vanished in this manner, our uncle bad one of the servants
to see what was to pay; and the fellow answering, 'This is no inn,' 'I cry
you mercy (cried the other), I perceive it is not; if it were, the
landlord would be more civil. There's a guinea, however; take it, and tell
your lord, that I shall not leave the country till I have had the
opportunity to thank him in person for his politeness and hospitality.'</p>
<p>We then walked down stairs through a double range of lacqueys, and getting
into the chaise, proceeded homewards. Perceiving the 'squire much ruffled,
I ventured to disapprove of his resentment, observing, that as lord
Oxmington was well known to have his brain very ill timbered, a sensible
man should rather laugh, than be angry at his ridiculous want of breeding.—Mr
Bramble took umbrage at my presuming to be wiser than he upon this
occasion; and told me, that as he had always thought for himself in every
occurrence in life, he would still use the same privilege, with my good
leave.</p>
<p>When we returned to our inn, he closeted Lismahago; and having explained
his grievance, desired that gentleman to go and demand satisfaction of
lord Oxmington in his name.—The lieutenant charged himself with this
commission, and immediately set out a horseback for his lordship's house,
attended, at his own request, by my man Archy Macalpine, who had been used
to military service; and truly, if Macalpine had been mounted upon an ass,
this couple might have passed for the knight of La Mancha and his 'squire
Panza. It was not till after some demur that Lismahago obtained a private
audience, at which he formally defied his lordship to single combat, in
the name of Mr Bramble, and desired him to appoint the time and place.
Lord Oxmington was so confounded at this unexpected message, that he could
not, for some time, make any articulate reply; but stood staring at the
lieutenant with manifest marks of perturbation. At length, ringing a bell
with great vehemence, he exclaimed, 'What! a commoner send a challenge to
a peer of the realm!—Privilege! privilege!—Here's a person
brings me a challenge from the Welshman that dined at my table—An
impudent fellow.—My wine is not yet out of his head.'</p>
<p>The whole house was immediately in commotion.—Macalpine made a
soldierly retreat with two horses; but the captain was suddenly surrounded
and disarmed by the footmen, whom a French valet de chambre headed in this
exploit; his sword was passed through a close-stool, and his person
through the horse-pond. In this plight he returned to the inn, half mad
with his disgrace. So violent was the rage of his indignation, that he
mistook its object.—He wanted to quarrel with Mr Bramble; he said,
he had been dishonoured on his account, and he looked for reparation at
his hands.—My uncle's back was up in a moment; and he desired him to
explain his pretensions.—'Either compel lord Oxmington to give me
satisfaction (cried he), or give it me in your own person.' 'The latter
part of the alternative is the most easy and expeditious (replied the
'squire, starting up): if you are disposed for a walk, I'll attend you
this moment.'</p>
<p>Here they were interrupted by Mrs Tabby, who had overheard all that
passed.—She now burst into the room, and running betwixt them, in
great agitation, 'Is this your regard for me (said she to the lieutenant),
to seek the life of my brother?' Lismahago, who seemed to grow cool as my
uncle grew hot, assured her he had a very great respect for Mr Bramble,
but he had still more for his own honour, which had suffered pollution;
but if that could be once purified, he should have no further cause of
dissatisfaction. The 'squire said, he should have thought it incumbent
upon him to vindicate the lieutenant's honour; but, as he had now carved
for himself, he might swallow and digest it as well as he could—In a
word, what betwixt the mediation of Mrs Tabitha, the recollection of the
captain, who perceived he had gone too far, and the remonstrances of your
humble servant, who joined them at this juncture, those two originals were
perfectly reconciled; and then we proceeded to deliberate upon the means
of taking vengeance for the insults they had received from the petulant
peer; for, until that aim should be accomplished, Mr Bramble swore, with
great emphasis, that he would not leave the inn where we now lodged, even
if he should pass his Christmas on the spot.</p>
<p>In consequence of our deliberations, we next day, in the forenoon,
proceeded in a body to his lordship's house, all of us, with our servants,
including the coachman, mounted a-horseback, with our pistols loaded and
ready primed.—Thus prepared for action, we paraded solemnly and
slowly before his lordship's gate, which we passed three times in such a
manner, that he could not but see us, and suspect the cause of our
appearance.—After dinner we returned, and performed the same
cavalcade, which was again repeated the morning following; but we had no
occasion to persist in these manoeuvres. About noon, we were visited by
the gentleman, at whose house we had first seen lord Oxmington.—He
now came to make apologies in the name of his lordship, who declared he
had no intention to give offence to my uncle, in practising what had been
always the custom of his house; and that as for the indignities which had
been put upon the officer, they were offered without his Lordship's
knowledge, at the instigation of his valet de chambre.—'If that be
the case (said my uncle, in a peremptory tone), I shall be contented with
lord Oxmington's personal excuses; and I hope my friend will be satisfied
with his lordship's turning that insolent rascal out of his service.'—'Sir
(cried Lismahago), I must insist upon taking personal vengeance for the
personal injuries I have sustained.'</p>
<p>After some debate, the affair was adjusted in this manner.—His
lordship, meeting us at our friend's house, declared he was sorry for what
had happened; and that he had no intention to give umbrage.—The
valet de chambre asked pardon of the lieutenant upon his knees, when
Lismahago, to the astonishment of all present, gave him a violent kick on
the face, which laid him on his back, exclaiming in a furious tone, 'Oui
je te pardonne, gens foutre.'</p>
<p>Such was the fortunate issue of this perilous adventure, which threatened
abundance of vexation to our family; for the 'squire is one of those who
will sacrifice both life and fortune, rather than leave what they conceive
to be the least speck or blemish upon their honour and reputation. His
lordship had no sooner pronounced his apology, with a very bad grace, than
he went away in some disorder, and, I dare say, he will never invite
another Welchman to his table.</p>
<p>We forthwith quitted the field of this atchievement, in order to prosecute
our journey; but we follow no determinate course. We make small
deviations, to see the remarkable towns, villas, and curiosities on each
side of our route; so that we advance by slow steps towards the borders of
Monmouthshire: but in the midst of these irregular motions, there is no
abberration nor eccentricity in that affection with which I am, dear Wat,</p>
<p>Yours always, J. MELFORD Sept. 28.</p>
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