<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0040" id="link2H_4_0040"></SPAN></p>
<h2> To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. </h2>
<h3> MY DEAR LETTY, </h3>
<p>There is something on my spirits, which I should not venture to
communicate by the post, but having the opportunity of Mrs Brentwood's
return, I seize it eagerly, to disburthen my poor heart, which is
oppressed with fear and vexation.—O Letty! what a miserable
situation it is, to be without a friend to whom one can apply for counsel
and consolation in distress! I hinted in my last, that one Mr Barton had
been very particular in his civilities: I can no longer mistake his
meaning—he has formally professed himself my admirer; and, after a
thousand assiduities, perceiving I made but a cold return to his
addresses, he had recourse to the mediation of lady Griskin, who has acted
the part of a very warm advocate in his behalf:—but, my dear Willis,
her ladyship over acts her part—she not only expatiates on the ample
fortune, the great connexions, and the unblemished character of Mr Barton,
but she takes the trouble to catechise me; and, two days ago, peremptorily
told me, that a girl of my age could not possibly resist so many
considerations, if her heart was not pre-engaged.</p>
<p>This insinuation threw me into such a flutter, that she could not but
observe my disorder; and, presuming upon the discovery, insisted upon my
making her the confidante of my passion. But, although I had not such
command of myself as to conceal the emotion of my heart, I am not such a
child as to disclose its secret to a person who would certainly use them
to its prejudice. I told her, it was no wonder if I was out of countenance
at her introducing a subject of conversation so unsuitable to my years and
inexperience; that I believed Mr Barton was a very worthy gentleman, and I
was much obliged to him for his good opinion; but the affections were
involuntary, and mine, in particular, had as yet made no concessions in
his favour. She shook her head with an air of distrust that made me
tremble; and observed, that if my affections were free, they would submit
to the decision of prudence, especially when enforced by the authority of
those who had a right to direct my conduct. This remark implied a design
to interest my uncle or my aunt, perhaps my brother, in behalf of Mr
Barton's passion; and I am sadly afraid that my aunt is already gained
over. Yesterday in the forenoon, he had been walking with us in the Park,
and stopping in our return at a toy-shop, he presented her with a very
fine snuff-box, and me with a gold etuis, which I resolutely refused, till
she commanded me to accept it on pain of her displeasure: nevertheless,
being still unsatisfied with respect to the propriety of receiving this
toy, I signified my doubts to my brother, who said he would consult my
uncle on the subject, and seemed to think Mr Barton had been rather
premature in his presents.</p>
<p>What will be the result of this consultation, Heaven knows; but I am
afraid it will produce an explanation with Mr Barton, who will, no doubt,
avow his passion, and solicit their consent to a connexion which my soul
abhors; for, my dearest Letty, it is not in my power to love Mr Barton,
even if my heart was untouched by any other tenderness. Not that there is
any thing disagreeable about his person, but there is a total want of that
nameless charm which captivates and controuls the inchanted spirit at
least, he appears to me to have this defect; but if he had all the
engaging qualifications which a man can possess, they would be excited in
vain against that constancy, which, I flatter myself, is the
characteristic of my nature. No, my dear Willis, I may be involved in
fresh troubles, and I believe I shall, from the importunities of this
gentleman and the violence of my relations; but my heart is incapable of
change.</p>
<p>You know I put no faith in dreams; and yet I have been much disturbed by
one that visited me last night.—I thought I was in a church, where a
certain person, whom you know, was on the point of being married to my
aunt; that the clergyman was Mr Barton, and that poor forlorn I, stood
weeping in a corner, half naked, and without shoes or stockings.—Now,
I know there is nothing so childish as to be moved by those vain
illusions; but, nevertheless, in spite of all my reason, this hath made a
strong impression upon my mind, which begins to be very gloomy. Indeed, I
have another more substantial cause of affliction—I have some
religious scruples, my dear friend, which lie heavy on my conscience.—I
was persuaded to go to the Tabernacle, where I heard a discourse that
affected me deeply.—I have prayed fervently to be enlightened, but
as yet I am not sensible of these inward motions, those operations of
grace, which are the signs of a regenerated spirit; and therefore I begin
to be in terrible apprehensions about the state of my poor soul. Some of
our family have had very uncommon accessions, particularly my aunt and Mrs
Jenkins, who sometimes speak as if they were really inspired; so that I am
not like to want for either exhortation or example, to purify my thoughts,
and recall them from the vanities of this world, which, indeed, I would
willingly resign, if it was in my power; but to make this sacrifice, I
must be enabled by such assistance from above as hath not yet been
indulged to</p>
<p>Your unfortunate friend, LYDIA MELFORD June 10.</p>
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