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<h2> To Dr LEWIS. </h2>
<p>You ask me, why I don't take the air a-horseback, during this fine
weather?—In which of the avenues of this paradise would you have me
take that exercise? Shall I commit myself to the high-roads of London or
Bristol, to be stifled with dust, or pressed to death in the midst of
post-chaises, flying-machines, waggons, and coal-horses; besides the
troops of fine gentlemen that take to the highway, to shew their
horsemanship; and the coaches of fine ladies, who go thither to shew their
equipages? Shall I attempt the Downs, and fatigue myself to death in
climbing up an eternal ascent, without any hopes of reaching the summit?
Know then, I have made divers desperate leaps at those upper regions; but
always fell backward into this vapour-pit, exhausted and dispirited by
those ineffectual efforts; and here we poor valetudinarians pant and
struggle, like so many Chinese gudgeons, gasping in the bottom of a
punch-bowl. By Heaven it is a kind of enchantment! If I do not speedily
break the spell, and escape, I may chance to give up the ghost in this
nauseous stew of corruption—It was but two nights ago, that I had
like to have made my public exit, at a minute's warning. One of my
greatest weaknesses is that of suffering myself to be over-ruled by the
opinion of people, whose judgment I despise—I own, with shame and
confusion of face, that importunity of any kind I cannot resist. This want
of courage and constancy is an original flaw in my nature, which you must
have often observed with compassion, if not with contempt. I am afraid
some of our boasted virtues maybe traced up to this defect.</p>
<p>Without further preamble, I was persuaded to go to a ball, on purpose to
see Liddy dance a minuet with a young petulant jackanapes, the only son of
a wealthy undertaker from London, whose mother lodges in our
neighbourhood, and has contracted an acquaintance with Tabby. I sat a
couple of long hours, half stifled, in the midst of a noisome crowd; and
could not help wondering that so many hundreds of those that rank as
rational creatures, could find entertainment in seeing a succession of
insipid animals, describing the same dull figure for a whole evening, on
an area, not much bigger than a taylor's shop-board. If there had been any
beauty, grace, activity, magnificent dress, or variety of any kind
howsoever absurd, to engage the attention, and amuse the fancy, I should
not have been surprised; but there was no such object: it was a tiresome
repetition of the same languid, frivolous scene, performed by actors that
seemed to sleep in all their motions. The continual swimming of these
phantoms before my eyes, gave me a swimming of the head; which was also
affected by the fouled air, circulating through such a number of rotten
human bellows. I therefore retreated towards the door, and stood in the
passage to the next room, talking to my friend Quin; when an end being put
to the minuets, the benches were removed to make way for the
country-dances; and the multitude rising at once, the whole atmosphere was
put in commotion. Then, all of a sudden, came rushing upon me an Egyptian
gale, so impregnated with pestilential vapours, that my nerves were
overpowered, and I dropt senseless upon the floor.</p>
<p>You may easily conceive what a clamour and confusion this accident must
have produced, in such an assembly—I soon recovered, however, and
found myself in an easy chair, supported by my own people—Sister
Tabby, in her great tenderness, had put me to the torture, squeezing my
hand under her arm, and stuffing my nose with spirit of hartshorn, till
the whole inside was excoriated. I no sooner got home, than I sent for
Doctor Ch—, who assured me I needed not be alarmed, for my swooning
was entirely occasioned by an accidental impression of fetid effluvia upon
nerves of uncommon sensibility. I know not how other people's nerves are
constructed; but one would imagine they must be made of very coarse
materials, to stand the shock of such a torrid assault. It was, indeed, a
compound of villainous smells, in which the most violent stinks, and the
most powerful perfumes, contended for the mastery. Imagine to yourself a
high exalted essence of mingled odours, arising from putrid gums,
imposthumated lungs, sour flatulencies, rank armpits, sweating feet,
running sores and issues, plasters, ointments, and embrocations,
hungary-water, spirit of lavender, assafoetida drops, musk, hartshorn, and
sal volatile; besides a thousand frowzy steams, which I could not analyse.
Such, O Dick! is the fragrant aether we breathe in the polite assemblies
of Bath—Such is the atmosphere I have exchanged for the pure,
elastic, animating air of the Welsh mountains—O Rus, quando te
aspiciam!—-I wonder what the devil possessed me—</p>
<p>But few words are best: I have taken my resolution—You may well
suppose I don't intend to entertain the company with a second exhibition—I
have promised, in an evil hour, to proceed to London, and that promise
shall be performed, but my stay in the metropolis shall be brief. I have,
for the benefit of my health, projected an expedition to the North, which,
I hope, will afford some agreeable pastime. I have never travelled farther
that way than Scarborough; and, I think, it is a reproach upon me, as a
British freeholder, to have lived so long without making an excursion to
the other side of the Tweed. Besides, I have some relations settled in
Yorkshire, to whom it may not be improper to introduce my nephew and his
sister—At present, I have nothing to add, but that Tabby is happily
disentangled from the Irish Baronet; and that I will not fail to make you
acquainted, from time to time, with the sequel of our adventures: a mark
of consideration, which, perhaps, you would willingly dispense with in</p>
<p>Your humble servant, M. BRAMBLE BATH, May 8.</p>
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