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<h2> XVI. </h2>
<p>Fate scored one. Kate had been telling herself that Philip was tired of
her, that he did not love her any longer, that having taken all he could
take he desired to be done with her, that he was trying to forget her, and
that she was a drag upon him, when suddenly she remembered the tholthan,
and bethought herself for the first time of a possible contingency. Why
had she not thought of it before? Why had <i>he</i> never thought of it?
<i>If</i> it should come to pass! The prospect did not appal her; it did
not overwhelm her with confusion or oppress her with shame; it did not
threaten to fall like a thunderbolt; the thought of it came down like an
angel's whisper.</p>
<p>She was not afraid. It was only an idea, only a possibility, only a dream
of consequences, but at one bound it brought her so much nearer to Philip.
It gave her a right to him. How dare he make her suffer so? She would not
permit him to leave her. He was her husband, and he must cling to her,
come what would. Across the void that had divided them a mysterious power
drew them together. She was he, and he was she, and they were one, for—who
knows?—who could say?—perhaps Nature herself had willed it.</p>
<p>Thus the first effect of the new thought upon Kate was frenzied
exultation. She had only one thing to do now. She had only to go to Philip
as Bathsheba went to David. True, she could not say what Bathsheba said.
She had no certainty, but her case was no less strong. "Have you never
thought of what may possibly occur?" This is what she would say now to
Philip. And Philip would say to her, "Dearest, I have never thought of
that. Where was my head that I never reflected?" Then, in spite of his
plans, in spite of his pledge to Pete, in spite of the world, in spite of
himself—yea, in spite of his own soul if it stood between them—he
would cling to her; she was sure of it—she could swear to it—he
could not resist.</p>
<p>"He will believe whatever I tell him," she thought, and she would say,
"Come to me, Philip; I am frightened." In the torture of her palpitating
heart she would have rejoiced at that moment if she could have been sure
that she was in the position of what the world calls a shameful woman.
With that for her claim she could see herself going to Philip and telling
him, her head on his breast, whispering sweetly the great secret—the
wondrous news. And then the joy, the rapture, the long kiss of love!
"Mine, mine, mine! he is mine at last!"</p>
<p>That could not be quite so; she was not so happy as Bathsheba; she was not
sure, but her right was the same for all that. Oh, it was joyful, it was
delicious!</p>
<p>The little cunning arts of her sex, the small deceits in which she had
disguised herself fell away from her now. She said to herself, "I will
stop the nonsense about the marriage with Pete." It was mean, it was
foolish, it was miserable trifling, it was wicked, it was a waste of life—above
all, it was doing a great, great wrong to her love of Philip! How could
she ever have thought of it?</p>
<p>Next morning she was up and was dressing when Grannie came into the room
with a cup of tea. "I feel so much better," she said "that I think I'll go
to Douglas by the coach today, mother."</p>
<p>"Do, bogh," said Grannie cheerfully, "and Pete shall go with you."</p>
<p>"Oh, no; I must be quite alone, mother."</p>
<p>"Aw, aw! A lil errand, maybe! Shopping is it? Presents, eh? Take your tay,
then." And Grannie rolled the blind, saying, "A beautiful morning you'll
have for it, too. I can see the spire as plain as plain." Then, turning
about, "Did you hear the bells this morning, Kitty?"</p>
<p>"Why, what bells, mammy?" said Kate, through a mouthful of bread and
butter.</p>
<p>"The bells for Christian Killip. Her old sweetheart took her to church at
last. He wouldn't get rest at your father till he did—and her baby
two years for Christmas. But what d'ye think, now? Robbie left her at the
church door, and he's off by the Ramsey packet for England. Aw, dear, he
did, though. 'You can make me marry her,' said he, 'but you can't make me
live with her,' he said, and he was away down the road like the dust."</p>
<p>"I don't think I'll go to Douglas to-day, mother," said Kate in a broken
voice. "I'm not so very well, after all."</p>
<p>"Aw, the bogh!" said Grannie. "Making too sure of herself, was she? It's
the way with them all when they're mending."</p>
<p>With cheerful protestations Grannie helped her back to bed, and then went
off with an anxious face to tell C�sar that she was more ill than ever.</p>
<p>She was ill indeed; but her worst illness was of the heart. "If I go to
him and tell him," she thought, "he will marry me—yes. No fear that
he will leave me at the church door or elsewhere. He will stay with me. We
will be man and wife to the last. The world will know nothing. But <i>I</i>
will know. As long as I live I will remember that he only sacrificed
himself to repair a fault That shall never be—never, never!"</p>
<p>C�sar came up in great alarm. He seemed to be living in hourly dread that
some obstacle would arise at the last moment to stop the marriage. "Chut,
woman!" he said play-. fully. "Have a good heart, Kitty. The sun's not
going down on you yet at all."</p>
<p>That night there were loud voices from the bar-room. The talk was of the
marriage which had taken place in the morning, and of its strange and
painful sequel. John the Clerk was saying, "But you'd be hearing of the
by-child, it's like?"</p>
<p>"Never a word," said somebody.</p>
<p>"Not heard of it, though? Fetching the child to the wedding to have the
bad name taken off it—no? They were standing the lil bogh—-it's
only three—two is it, Grannie, only two?—well, they were
standing the lil thing under its mother's perricut while the sarvice was
saying."</p>
<p>"You don't say!"</p>
<p>"Aw, truth enough, sir! It's the ould Manx way of legitimating. The
parsons are knowing nothing of it, but I've seen it times."</p>
<p>"John's right," said Mr. Jelly; "and I can tell you more—it was just
<i>that</i> the man went to church for."</p>
<p>"Wouldn't trust," said John the Clerk. "The woman wasn't getting much of a
husband out of it anyway."</p>
<p>"No," said Pete—he had not spoken before—"but the child was
getting the name of its father, though."</p>
<p>"That's not mountains of thick porridge, sir," said somebody. "Bobbie's
gone. What's the good of a father if he's doing nothing to bring you up?"</p>
<p>"Ask your son if you've got any of the sort," said Pete; "some of you
have. Ask me. I know middling well what it is to go through the world
without a father's name to my back. If your lad is like myself, he's
knowing it early and he's knowing it late. He's knowing it when he's
saying his bits of prayers atop of the bed in the gable loft: 'God bless
mother—and grandmother,' maybe—there's never no 'father' in
his little texes. And he's knowing it when he's growing up to a lump of a
lad and going for a trade, and the beast of life is getting the grip of
him. Ten to one he comes to be a waistrel then, and, if it's a girl
instead, a hundred to nothing she turns out a—well, worse. Only a
notion, is it? Just a parzon's lie, eh? Having your father's name is
nothing—no? That's what the man says. But ask the <i>child</i>, and
shut your mouth for a fool."</p>
<p>There was a hush and a hum after that, and Kate, who had reached from the
bed to open the door, clutched it with a feverish grasp.</p>
<p>"But Christian Killip is nothing but a trollop, anyway, sir," said C�sar.</p>
<p>"Every cat is black in the night, father—the girl's in trouble,"
said Pete. "No, no! If I'd done wrong by a woman, and she was having a
child by me, I'd marry her if she'd take me, though I'd come to hate her
like sin itself."</p>
<p>Grannie in the kitchen was wiping her eyes at these brave words, but Kate
in the bedroom was tossing in a delirium of wrath. "Never, never, never!"
she thought.</p>
<p>Oh, yes, Philip would marry her if she imposed herself upon him, if she
hinted at a possible contingency. He, too, was a brave man; he also had a
lofty soul—he would not shrink. But no, not for the wealth of
worlds.</p>
<p>Philip loved her, and his love alone should bring him to her side. No
other compulsion should be put upon him, neither the thought of her
possible future position, nor of the consequences to another. It was the
only justice, the only safety, the only happiness now or in the time to
come.</p>
<p>"He shall marry me for <i>my</i> sake," she thought, "for my own sake—my
own sake only."</p>
<p>Thus in the wild disorder of her soul—the tempest of conflicting
passions—her pride barred up the one great way.</p>
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