<h2> CHAPTER XIII </h2>
<h3> A TRIP TO THE NORTH </h3>
<p><i>The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears, and has a
very narrow escape—Gains the confidence of these animals, and then
destroys thousands of them; loads the ship with their hams and skins;
makes presents of the former, and obtains a general invitation to all city
feasts—A dispute between the Captain and the Baron, in which, from
motives of politeness, the Captain is suffered to gain his point—The
Baron declines the offer of a throne, and an empress into the bargain.</i></p>
<p>We all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage of
discovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an officer, but
as a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude I was
viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I introduced to
your notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two large white
bears in violent action upon a body of ice considerably above the masts,
and about half a league distance. I immediately took my carbine, slung it
across my shoulder, and ascended the ice. When I arrived at the top, the
unevenness of the surface made my approach to those animals troublesome
and hazardous beyond expression: sometimes hideous cavities opposed me,
which I was obliged to spring over; in other parts the surface was as
smooth as a mirror, and I was continually falling: as I approached near
enough to reach them, I found they were only at play. I immediately began
to calculate the value of their skins, for they were each as large as a
well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I was presenting my
carbine my right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, and the violence of
the blow deprived me totally of my senses for nearly half an hour;
however, when I recovered, judge of my surprise at finding one of those
large animals I have been just describing had turned me upon my face, and
was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches, which were then new
and made of leather: he was certainly going to carry me feet foremost, God
knows where, when I took this knife (showing a large clasp knife) out of
my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind feet, and cut off three of
his toes; he immediately let me drop and roared most horribly. I took up
my carbine and fired at him as he ran off; he fell directly. The noise of
the piece roused several thousand of these white bears, who were asleep
upon the ice within half a mile of me; they came immediately to the spot.
There was no time to be lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my
pericranium just at that instant. I took off the skin and head of the dead
bear in half the time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit, and
wrapped myself in it, placing my own head directly under Bruin's; the
whole herd came round me immediately, and my apprehensions threw me into a
most piteous situation to be sure: however, my scheme turned out a most
admirable one for my own safety. They all came smelling, and evidently
took me for a brother Bruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to make an
excellent counterfeit: however, I saw several cubs amongst them not much
larger than myself. After they had all smelt me, and the body of their
deceased companion, whose skin was now become my protector, we seemed very
sociable, and I found I could mimic all their actions tolerably well; but
at growling, roaring, and hugging they were quite my masters. I began now
to think that I might turn the general confidence which I had created
amongst these animals to my advantage.</p>
<p>I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instant
death. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse to
my knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck, near
the shoulders, but under great apprehensions, not doubting but the
creature would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, I was
remarkably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet without making the least
noise. I was now resolved to demolish them every one in the same manner,
which I accomplished without the least difficulty; for although they saw
their companions fall, they had no suspicion of either the cause or the
effect. When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself a second Samson,
having slain my thousands.</p>
<p>To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed three
parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the hams on
board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship with them. As to
the other parts of the animals, they were thrown into the sea, though I
doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs, were they properly
cured.</p>
<p>As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name, to
the Lords of Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some to the
Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the trading
companies, and the remainder to my particular friends, from all of whom I
received warm thanks; but from the city I was honoured with substantial
notice, viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually on Lord Mayor's
day.</p>
<p>The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty and
her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with
her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary, inviting me to
share the honours of her crown; but as I never was ambitious of royal
dignity, I declined her majesty's favour in the politest terms. The same
ambassador had orders to wait and bring my answer to her majesty <i>personally</i>,
upon which business he was absent about three months: her majesty's reply
convinced me of the strength of her affections, and the dignity of her
mind; her late indisposition was entirely owing (as she, kind creature!
was pleased to express herself in a late conversation with the Prince
Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty. What the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but
the Empress is not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand.</p>
<p>Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps did not
proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here it becomes
my duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim till I loaded it
with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams, after which it would
have been madness to have attempted to proceed further, as we were now
scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much less those mountains of ice
which lay in the higher latitudes.</p>
<p>The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he had no
share in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called <i>bear-skin
day</i>. He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I destroyed
so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself; indeed, he is so
ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we have actually quarrelled
about it, and we are not now upon speaking terms. He boldly asserts I had
no merit in deceiving the bears, because I was covered with one of their
skins; nay, he declares there is not, in his opinion, in Europe, so
complete a bear naturally as himself among the human species.</p>
<p>He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted with good manners to
dispute so delicate a point with his lordship.</p>
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