<h2 class='c008'>CHAPTER XVI</h2></div>
<p class='drop-capa0_0_6 c009'>The blackamoors had left the platform at the end
of the hall. The curtains looped up at either side
had slid down, cutting it off from the rest of the
room—“making two worlds,” Gumbril elegantly and
allusively put it, “where only one grew before—and one
of them a better world,” he added too philosophically,
“because unreal.” There was the theatrical silence, the
suspense. The curtains parted again.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>On a narrow bed—on a bier perhaps—the corpse of a
woman. The husband kneels beside it. At the foot stands
the doctor, putting away his instruments. In a beribboned
pink cradle reposes a monstrous baby.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Margaret! Margaret!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: She is dead.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Margaret!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Of septicæmia, I tell you.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: I wish that I too were dead!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: But you won’t to-morrow.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: To-morrow! But I don’t want to live
to see to-morrow.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: You will to-morrow.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Margaret! Margaret! Wait for me
there; I shall not fail to meet you in that hollow vale.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: You will not be slow to survive her.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Christ have mercy upon us!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_219'>219</span><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: You would do better to think of the child.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span> (<em>rising and standing menacingly over the
cradle</em>): Is that the monster?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: No worse than others.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Begotten in a night of immaculate
pleasure, monster, may you live loveless, in dirt and impurity!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Conceived in lust and darkness, may your
own impurity always seem heavenly, monster, in your own
eyes!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Murderer, slowly die all your life long!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: The child must be fed.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Fed? With what?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: With milk.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Her milk is cold in her breasts.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: There are still cows.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Tubercular shorthorns. (<em>Calling.</em>) Let
Short-i’-the-horn be brought!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>Voices</span> (<em>off</em>): Short-i’-the-horn! Short-i’-the-horn!
(<em>Fadingly</em>) Short-i’-the....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: In nineteen hundred and twenty-one,
twenty-seven thousand nine hundred and thirteen women
died in childbirth.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: But none of them belonged to my
harem.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Each of them was somebody’s wife.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Doubtless. But the people we don’t
know are only characters in the human comedy. We are
the tragedians.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Not in the spectator’s eyes.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Do I think of the spectators? Ah,
Margaret! Margaret!...</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_220'>220</span><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: The twenty-seven thousand nine hundred
and fourteenth.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: The only one!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: But here comes the cow.</p>
<p class='c010'>(<em>Short-i’-the-horn is led in by a Yokel.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Ah, good Short-i’-the-horn! (<em>He pats
the animal.</em>) She was tested last week, was she not?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Yokel</span>: Ay, sir.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: And found tubercular. No?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Yokel</span>: Even in the udders, may it please you.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Excellent! Milk me the cow, sir, into
this dirty wash-pot.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Yokel</span>: I will, sir. (<em>He milks the cow.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Her milk—her milk is cold already. All
the woman in her chilled and curdled within her breasts.
Ah, Jesus! what miraculous galactagogue will make it flow
again?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Yokel</span>: The wash-pot is full, sir.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span>: Then take the cow away.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Yokel</span>: Come, Short-i’-the-horn; come up, good
Short-i’-the-horn. (<em>He goes out with the cow.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Husband</span> (<em>pouring the milk into a long-tubed feeding-bottle</em>):
Here’s for you, monster, to drink your own health
in. (<em>He gives the bottle to the child.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>Curtain.</span></p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“A little ponderous, perhaps,” said Gumbril, as the
curtain came down.</p>
<p class='c010'>“But I liked the cow.” Mrs. Viveash opened her
cigarette-case and found it empty. Gumbril offered her
one of his. She shook her head. “I don’t want it in the
least,” she said.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_221'>221</span>“Yes, the cow was in the best pantomime tradition,”
Gumbril agreed. Ah! but it was a long time since he had
been to a Christmas pantomime. Not since Dan Leno’s
days. All the little cousins, the uncles and aunts on both
sides of the family, dozens and dozens of them—every year
they filled the best part of a row in the dress circle at Drury
Lane. And buns were stickily passed from hand to hand,
chocolates circulated; the grown-ups drank tea. And the
pantomime went on and on, glory after glory, under the
shining arch of the stage. Hours and hours; and the
grown-ups always wanted to go away before the harlequinade.
And the children felt sick from eating too much chocolate,
or wanted with such extreme urgency to go to the w.c.
that they had to be led out, trampling and stumbling over
everybody else’s feet—and every stumble making the need
more agonizingly great—in the middle of the transformation
scene. And there was Dan Leno, inimitable Dan
Leno, dead now as poor Yorick, no more than a mere skull
like anybody else’s skull. And his mother, he remembered,
used to laugh at him sometimes till the tears ran down her
cheeks. She used to enjoy things thoroughly, with a whole
heart.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I wish they’d hurry up with the second scene,” said
Mrs. Viveash. “If there’s anything that bores me, it’s
<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entr’actes</span></i>.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Most of one’s life is an <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entr’acte</span></i>,” said Gumbril, whose
present mood of hilarious depression seemed favourable to
the enunciation of apophthegms.</p>
<p class='c010'>“None of your cracker mottoes, please,” protested Mrs.
Viveash. All the same, she reflected, what was she doing
now but waiting for the curtain to go up again, waiting,
with what unspeakable weariness of spirit, for the curtain
<span class='pageno' id='Page_222'>222</span>that had rung down, ten centuries ago, on those blue eyes,
that bright strawy hair and the weathered face?</p>
<p class='c010'>“Thank God,” she said with an expiring earnestness,
“here’s the second scene!”</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>The curtain went up. In a bald room stood the Monster,
grown now from an infant into a frail and bent young man
with bandy legs. At the back of the stage a large window
giving on to a street along which people pass.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<i><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">solus</span></i>): The young girls of Sparta, they
say, used to wrestle naked with naked Spartan boys. The
sun caressed their skins till they were brown and transparent
like amber or a flask of olive oil. Their breasts were hard,
their bellies flat. They were pure with the chastity of
beautiful animals. Their thoughts were clear, their minds
cool and untroubled. I spit blood into my handkerchief
and sometimes I feel in my mouth something slimy, soft
and disgusting, like a slug—and I have coughed up a shred
of my lung. The rickets from which I suffered in childhood
have bent my bones and made them old and brittle. All
my life I have lived in this huge town, whose domes and
spires are wrapped in a cloud of stink that hides the sun.
The slug-dank tatters of lung that I spit out are black with
the soot I have been breathing all these years. I am now
come of age. Long-expected one-and-twenty has made me
a fully privileged citizen of this great realm of which the
owners of the <cite>Daily Mirror</cite>, the <cite>News of the World</cite> and the
<cite>Daily Express</cite> are noble peers. Somewhere, I must logically
infer, there must be other cities, built by men for men to
live in. Somewhere, in the past, in the future, a very long
way off.... But perhaps the only street improvement
schemes that ever really improve the streets are schemes
<span class='pageno' id='Page_223'>223</span>in the minds of those who live in them: schemes of love
mostly. Ah! here she comes.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>(<em>The</em> <span class='sc'>Young Lady</span> <em>enters. She stands outside
the window, in the street, paying no attention
to the</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span>; <em>she seems to be waiting for
somebody.</em>)</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>She is like a pear tree in flower. When she smiles, it is as
though there were stars. Her hair is like the harvest in an
eclogue, her cheeks are all the fruits of summer. Her arms
and thighs are as beautiful as the soul of St. Catherine of
Siena. And her eyes, her eyes are plumbless with thought
and limpidly pure like the water of the mountains.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: If I wait till the summer sale, the
crêpe de Chine will be reduced by at least two shillings a
yard, and on six camisoles that will mean a lot of money.
But the question is: can I go from May till the end of
July with the underclothing I have now?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: If I knew her, I should know the universe!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: My present ones are so dreadfully
middle-class. And if Roger should ... by any chance....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Or, rather, I should be able to ignore it,
having a private universe of my own.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: If—if he did—well, it might be
rather humiliating with these I have ... like a servant’s
almost....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Love makes you accept the world; it
puts an end to criticism.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: His hand already....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Dare I, dare I tell her how beautiful she
is?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: On the whole, I think I’d better get
it now, though it will cost more.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_224'>224</span><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<em>desperately advancing to the window as
though to assault a battery</em>): Beautiful! beautiful!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span> (<em>looking at him</em>): Ha, ha, ha!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But I love you, flowering pear tree; I
love you, golden harvest; I love you, fruitage of summer; I
love you, body and limbs, with the shape of a saint’s thought.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span> (<em>redoubles her laughter</em>): Ha, ha, ha!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<em>taking her hand</em>): You cannot be cruel!
(<em>He is seized with a violent paroxysm of coughing which doubles
him up, which shakes and torments him. The handkerchief he
holds to his mouth is spotted with blood.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: You disgust me! (<em>She draws away
her skirts so that they shall not come in contact with him.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But I swear to you, I love—I—— (<em>He
is once more interrupted by his cough.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: Please go away. (<em>In a different voice</em>)
Ah, Roger! (<em>She advances to meet a snub-nosed lubber with
curly hair and a face like a groom’s, who passes along the street
at this moment.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>Roger</span>: I’ve got the motor-bike waiting at the corner.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: Let’s go, then.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>Roger</span> (<em>pointing to the</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span>): What’s that?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Young Lady</span>: Oh, it’s nothing in particular.</p>
<p class='c014'>(<em>Both roar with laughter.</em> <span class='sc'>Roger</span> <em>escorts her
out, patting her familiarly on the back as
they walk along.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<em>looking after her</em>): There is a wound
under my left pap. She has deflowered all women. I
cannot....</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“Lord!” whispered Mrs. Viveash, “how this young
man bores me!”</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_225'>225</span>“I confess,” replied Gumbril, “I have rather a taste
for moralities. There is a pleasant uplifting vagueness
about these symbolical generalized figures which pleases
me.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“You were always charmingly simple-minded,” said Mrs.
Viveash. “But who’s this? As long as the young man
isn’t left alone on the stage, I don’t mind.”</p>
<p class='c014'>Another female figure has appeared in the street beyond
the window. It is the Prostitute. Her face, painted in
two tones of red, white, green, blue and black, is the most
tasteful of <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">nature-mortes</span></i>.</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Hullo, duckie!</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Hullo!</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Are you lonely?</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Yes.</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Would you like me to come in to see
you?</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Very well.</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Shall we say thirty bob?</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: As you like.</p>
<p class='c014'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Come along then.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c014'>(<em>She climbs through the window and they go off
together through the door on the left of the
stage. The curtains descend for a moment,
then rise again. The</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span> <em>and the</em>
<span class='sc'>Prostitute</span> <em>are seen issuing from the door at
which they went out.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<em>taking out a cheque-book and a fountain pen</em>):
Thirty shillings....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Thank you. Not a cheque. I don’t
want any cheques. How do I know it isn’t a dud one that
<span class='pageno' id='Page_226'>226</span>they’ll refuse payment for at the bank? Ready money for
me, thanks.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But I haven’t got any cash on me at the
moment.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Well, I won’t take a cheque. Once
bitten, twice shy, I can tell you.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But I tell you I haven’t got any cash.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Well, all I can say is, here I stay till I
get it. And, what’s more, if I don’t get it quick, I’ll make
a row.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But this is absurd. I offer you a perfectly
good cheque....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: And I won’t take it. So there!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Well then, take my watch. It’s worth
more than thirty bob. (<em>He pulls out his gold half-hunter.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Thank you, and get myself arrested
as soon as I take it to the pop-shop! No, I want cash, I
tell you.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But where the devil do you expect me
to get it at this time of night?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: I don’t know. But you’ve got to get
it pretty quick.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: You’re unreasonable.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Aren’t there any servants in this
house?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Yes.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Well, go and borrow it from one of
them.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: But really, that would be too low, too
humiliating.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: All right, I’ll begin kicking up a noise.
I’ll go to the window and yell till all the neighbours are
<span class='pageno' id='Page_227'>227</span>woken up and the police come to see what’s up. You can
borrow it from the copper then.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: You really won’t take my cheque? I
swear to you it’s perfectly all right. There’s plenty of
money to meet it.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Oh, shut up! No more dilly-dallying.
Get me my money at once, or I’ll start the row. One,
two, three.... (<em>She opens her mouth wide as if to yell.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: All right. (<em>He goes out.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Nice state of things we’re coming to,
when young rips try and swindle us poor girls out of our
money! Mean, stinking skunks! I’d like to slit the
throats of some of them.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<em>coming back again</em>): Here you are. (<em>He
hands her money.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span> (<em>examining it</em>): Thank you, dearie.
Any other time you’re lonely....</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: No, no!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span>: Where did you get it finally?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: I woke the cook.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Prostitute</span> (<em>goes off into a peal of laughter</em>): Well,
so long, duckie. (<em>She goes out.</em>)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span> (<i><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">solus</span></i>): Somewhere there must be love
like music. Love harmonious and ordered: two spirits,
two bodies moving contrapuntally together. Somewhere,
the stupid brutish act must be made to make sense, must be
enriched, must be made significant. Lust, like Diabelli’s
waltz, a stupid air, turned by a genius into three-and-thirty
fabulous variations. Somewhere....</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“Oh dear!” sighed Mrs. Viveash.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Charming!” Gumbril protested.</p>
<div><span class='pageno' id='Page_228'>228</span></div>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>... love like sheets of silky flame; like landscapes
brilliant in the sunlight against a background of purple
thunder; like the solution of a cosmic problem; like
faith....</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“Crikey!” said Mrs. Viveash.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>... Somewhere, somewhere. But in my veins creep the
maggots of the pox....</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“Really, really!” Mrs. Viveash shook her head. “Too
medical!”</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>... crawling towards the brain, crawling into the
mouth, burrowing into the bones. Insatiably.</p>
<p class='c010'>The Monster threw himself to the ground, and the
curtain came down.</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“And about time too!” declared Mrs. Viveash.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Charming!” Gumbril stuck to his guns. “Charming!
charming!”</p>
<p class='c010'>There was a disturbance near the door. Mrs. Viveash
looked round to see what was happening. “And now on
top of it all,” she said, “here comes Coleman, raving, with
an unknown drunk.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Have we missed it?” Coleman was shouting. “Have
we missed all the lovely bloody farce?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Lovely bloody!” his companion repeated with drunken
raptures, and he went into fits of uncontrollable laughter.
He was a very young boy with straight dark hair and a face
of Hellenic beauty, now distorted with tipsiness.</p>
<p class='c010'>Coleman greeted his acquaintances in the hall, shouting
a jovial obscenity to each. “And Bumbril-Gumbril,” he
exclaimed, catching sight of him at last in the front row.
<span class='pageno' id='Page_229'>229</span>“And Hetaira-Myra!” He pushed his way through the
crowd, followed unsteadily by his young disciple. “So
you’re here,” he said, standing over them and looking down
with an enigmatic malice in his bright blue eyes. “Where’s
the physiologue?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Am I the physiologue’s keeper?” asked Gumbril.
“He’s with his glands and his hormones, I suppose. Not
to mention his wife.” He smiled to himself.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Where the hormones, there moan I,” said Coleman,
skidding off sideways along the slippery word. “I hear,
by the way, that there’s a lovely prostitute in this play.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“You’ve missed her,” said Mrs. Viveash.</p>
<p class='c010'>“What a misfortune,” said Coleman. “We’ve missed
the delicious trull,” he said, turning to the young
man.</p>
<p class='c010'>The young man only laughed.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Let me introduce, by the way,” said Coleman. “This
is Dante,” he pointed to the dark-haired boy; “and I am
Virgil. We’re making a round tour—or, rather, a descending
spiral tour of hell. But we’re only at the first circle so
far. These, Alighieri, are two damned souls, though not, as
you might suppose, Paolo and Francesca.”</p>
<p class='c010'>The boy continued to laugh, happily and uncomprehendingly.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Another of these interminable <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entr’actes</span></i>,” complained
Mrs. Viveash. “I was just saying to Theodore here that if
there’s one thing I dislike more than another, it’s a long
<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">entr’acte</span></i>.” Would hers ever come to an end?</p>
<p class='c010'>“And if there’s one thing <em>I</em> dislike more than another,”
said the boy, breaking silence for the first time, with an
air of the greatest earnestness, “it’s ... it’s one thing
more than another.”</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_230'>230</span>“And you’re perfectly right in doing so,” said Coleman.
“Perfectly right.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“I know,” the boy replied modestly.</p>
<blockquote>
<p class='c010'>When the curtain rose again it was on an aged Monster,
with a black patch over the left side of his nose, no hair,
no teeth, and sitting harmlessly behind the bars of an asylum.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Monster</span>: Asses, apes and dogs! Milton called
them that; he should have known. Somewhere there must
be men, however. The variations on Diabelli prove it.
Brunelleschi’s dome is more than the magnification of Cléo
de Mérode’s breast. Somewhere there are men with power,
living reasonably. Like our mythical Greeks and Romans.
Living cleanly. The images of the gods are their portraits.
They walk under their own protection. (<em>The</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span>
<em>climbs on to a chair and stands in the posture of a statue</em>.)
Jupiter, father of gods, a man, I bless myself, I throw bolts
at my own disobedience, I answer my own prayers, I
pronounce oracles to satisfy the questions I myself propound.
I abolish all tetters, poxes, blood-spitting, rotting of bones.
With love I recreate the world from within. Europa puts
an end to squalor, Leda does away with tyranny, Danae
tempers stupidity. After establishing these reforms in the
social sewer, I climb, I climb, up through the manhole,
out of the manhole, beyond humanity. For the manhole,
even the manhole, is dark; though not so dingy as the doghole
it was before I altered it. Up through the manhole,
towards the air. Up, up! (<em>And the</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span>, <em>suiting the
action to his words, climbs up the runged back of his chair
and stands, by a miraculous feat of acrobacy, on the topmost
bar</em>.) I begin to see the stars through other eyes than my
own. More than dog already, I become more than man.
<span class='pageno' id='Page_231'>231</span>I begin to have inklings of the shape and sense of things.
Upwards, upwards I strain, I peer, I reach aloft. (<em>The
balanced</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span> <em>reaches, strains and peers</em>.) And I seize,
I seize! (<em>As he shouts these words, the</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span> <em>falls heavily,
head foremost, to the floor. He lies there quite still. After a
little time the door opens and the</em> <span class='sc'>Doctor</span> <em>of the first scene
enters with a</em> <span class='sc'>Warder</span>.)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Warder</span>: I heard a crash.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span> (<em>who has by this time become immensely old
and has a beard like Father Thames</em>): It looks as though you
were right. (<em>He examines the</em> <span class='sc'>Monster</span>.)</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Warder</span>: He was for ever climbing on to his chair.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Well, he won’t any more. His neck’s
broken.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Warder</span>: You don’t say so?</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: I do.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Warder</span>: Well, I never!</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Doctor</span>: Have it carried down to the dissecting-room.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='sc'>The Warder</span>: I’ll send for the porters at once.</p>
<p class='c010'>(<em>Exeunt severally, and</em> <span class='sc'>Curtain</span>.)</p>
</blockquote>
<p class='c010'>“Well,” said Mrs. Viveash, “I’m glad that’s over.”</p>
<p class='c010'>The music struck up again, saxophone and ’cello, with the
thin draught of the violin to cool their ecstasies and the
thumping piano to remind them of business. Gumbril and
Mrs. Viveash slid out into the dancing crowd, revolving as
though by force of habit.</p>
<p class='c010'>“These substitutes for the genuine copulative article,”
said Coleman to his disciple, “are beneath the dignity of
hell-hounds like you and me.”</p>
<p class='c010'>Charmed, the young man laughed; he was attentive as
<span class='pageno' id='Page_232'>232</span>though at the feet of Socrates. Coleman had found him in
a night club, where he had gone in search of Zoe, found him
very drunk in the company of two formidable women fifteen
or twenty years his senior, who were looking after him, half
maternally out of pure kindness of heart, half professionally;
for he seemed to be carrying a good deal of money. He was
incapable of looking after himself. Coleman had pounced
on him at once, claimed an old friendship which the youth
was too tipsy to be able to deny, and carried him off. There
was something, he always thought, peculiarly interesting
about the spectacle of children tobogganing down into the
cesspools.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I like this place,” said the young man.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Tastes differ!” Coleman shrugged his shoulders.
“The German professors have catalogued thousands of
people whose whole pleasure consists in eating dung.”</p>
<p class='c010'>The young man smiled and nodded, rather vaguely. “Is
there anything to drink here?” he asked.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Too respectable,” Coleman answered, shaking his
head.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I think this is a bloody place,” said the young man.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Ah! but some people like blood. And some like boots.
And some like long gloves and corsets. And some like birch-rods.
And some like sliding down slopes and can’t look at
Michelangelo’s ‘Night’ on the Medici Tombs without
dying the little death, because the statue seems to be sliding.
And some....”</p>
<p class='c010'>“But I want something to drink,” insisted the young
man.</p>
<p class='c010'>Coleman stamped his feet, waved his arms. “<i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">À boire!
à boire!</span></i>” he shouted, like the newborn Gargantua. Nobody
paid any attention.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_233'>233</span>The music came to an end. Gumbril and Mrs. Viveash
reappeared.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Dante,” said Coleman, “calls for drink. We must
leave the building.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Yes. Anything to get out of this,” said Mrs. Viveash.
“What’s the time?”</p>
<p class='c010'>Gumbril looked at his watch. “Half-past one.”</p>
<p class='c010'>Mrs. Viveash sighed. “Can’t possibly go to bed,” she
said, “for another hour at least.”</p>
<p class='c010'>They walked out into the street. The stars were large
and brilliant overhead. There was a little wind that almost
seemed to come from the country. Gumbril thought so,
at any rate; he thought of the country.</p>
<p class='c010'>“The question is, where?” said Coleman. “You can
come to my bordello, if you like; but it’s a long way off
and Zoe hates us all so much, she’ll probably set on us with
the meat-chopper. If she’s back again, that is. Though
she may be out all night. <i><span lang="el-ltn" xml:lang="el-ltn">Zoe mou, sas agapo.</span></i> Shall we
risk it?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“To me it’s quite indifferent,” said Mrs. Viveash faintly,
as though wholly preoccupied with expiring.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Or there’s my place,” Gumbril said abruptly, as though
shaking himself awake out of some dream.</p>
<p class='c010'>“But you live still farther, don’t you?” said Coleman.
“With venerable parents, and so forth. One foot in the
grave and all that. Shall we mingle hornpipes with
funerals?” He began to hum Chopin’s ‘Funeral March’
at three times its proper speed, and seizing the young
stranger in his arms, two-stepped two or three turns on the
pavement, then released his hold and let him go reeling
against the area railings.</p>
<p class='c010'>“No, I don’t mean the family mansion,” said Gumbril.
<span class='pageno' id='Page_234'>234</span>“I mean my own rooms. They’re quite near. In Great
Russell Street.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“I never knew you had any rooms, Theodore,” said Mrs.
Viveash.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Nobody did.” Why should they know now? Because
the wind seemed almost a country wind? “There’s drink
there,” he said.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Splendid!” cried the young man. They were all
splendid people.</p>
<p class='c010'>“There’s some gin,” said Gumbril.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Capital aphrodisiac!” Coleman commented.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Some light white wine.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Diuretic.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“And some whisky.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“The great emetic,” said Coleman. “Come on.” And
he struck up the March of the Fascisti. “<i><span lang="it" xml:lang="it">Giovinezza,
giovinezza, primavera di bellezza</span></i>....” The noise went
fading down the dark, empty streets.</p>
<p class='c010'>The gin, the white wine, and even, for the sake of the
young stranger, who wanted to sample everything, the
emetic whisky, were produced.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I like your rooms,” said Mrs. Viveash, looking
round her. “And I resent your secrecy about them,
Theodore.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Drink, puppy!” Coleman refilled the boy’s glass.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Here’s to secrecy,” Gumbril proposed. Shut it
tightly, keep it dark, cover it up. Be silent, prevaricate,
lie outright. He laughed and drank. “Do you remember,”
he went on, “those instructive advertisements of
Eno’s Fruit Salt they used to have when we were young?
There was one little anecdote about a doctor who advised
the hypochondriacal patient who had come to consult him,
<span class='pageno' id='Page_235'>235</span>to go and see Grimaldi, the clown; and the patient answered,
‘I am Grimaldi.’ Do you remember?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“No,” said Mrs. Viveash. “And why do you?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Oh, I don’t know. Or rather, I do know,” Gumbril
corrected himself, and laughed again.</p>
<p class='c010'>The young man suddenly began to boast. “I lost two
hundred pounds yesterday playing <i><span lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">chemin de fer</span></i>,” he said,
and looked round for applause.</p>
<p class='c010'>Coleman patted his curly head. “Delicious child!” he
said. “You’re positively Hogarthian.”</p>
<p class='c010'>Angrily, the boy pushed him away. “What are you
doing?” he shouted; then turned and addressed himself
once more to the others. “I couldn’t afford it, you know—not
a bloody penny of it. Not my money, either.” He
seemed to find it exquisitely humorous. “And that two
hundred wasn’t all,” he added, almost expiring with mirth.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Tell Coleman how you borrowed his beard, Theodore.”</p>
<p class='c010'>Gumbril was looking intently into his glass, as though he
hoped to see in its pale mixture of gin and Sauterne visions,
as in a crystal, of the future. Mrs. Viveash touched him
on the arm and repeated her injunction.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Oh, that!” said Gumbril rather irritably. “No. It
isn’t an interesting story.”</p>
<p class='c010'>“Oh yes, it is! I insist,” said Mrs. Viveash, commanding
peremptorily from her death-bed.</p>
<p class='c010'>Gumbril drank his gin and Sauterne. “Very well then,”
he said reluctantly, and began.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I don’t know what my governor will say,” the young
man put in once or twice. But nobody paid any attention
to him. He relapsed into a sulky and, it seemed to him,
very dignified silence. Under the warm, jolly tipsiness he
felt a chill of foreboding. He poured out some more whisky.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_236'>236</span>Gumbril warmed to his anecdote. Expiringly Mrs.
Viveash laughed from time to time, or smiled her agonizing
smile. Coleman whooped like a Redskin.</p>
<p class='c010'>“And after the concert to these rooms,” said Gumbril.</p>
<p class='c010'>Well, let everything go. Into the mud. Leave it there,
and let the dogs lift their hind legs over it as they pass.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Ah! the genuine platonic fumblers,” commented
Coleman.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I am Grimaldi,” Gumbril laughed. Further than this
it was difficult to see where the joke could go. There, on
the couch, where Mrs. Viveash and Coleman were now
sitting, she had lain sleeping in his arms.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Towsing, in Elizabethan,” said Coleman.</p>
<p class='c010'>Unreal, eternal in the secret darkness. A night that was
an eternal parenthesis among the other nights and days.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I feel I’m going to be sick,” said the young man suddenly.
He had wanted to go on silently and haughtily
sulking; but his stomach declined to take part in the
dignified game.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Good Lord!” said Gumbril, and jumped up. But
before he could do anything effective, the young man had
fulfilled his own prophecy.</p>
<p class='c010'>“The real charm about debauchery,” said Coleman
philosophically, “is its total pointlessness, futility, and
above all its incredible tediousness. If it really were all
roses and exhilaration, as these poor children seem to
imagine, it would be no better than going to church or
studying the higher mathematics. I should never touch a
drop of wine or another harlot again. It would be against
my principles. I told you it was emetic,” he called to the
young man.</p>
<p class='c010'>“And what are your principles?” asked Mrs. Viveash.</p>
<p class='c010'><span class='pageno' id='Page_237'>237</span>“Oh, strictly ethical,” said Coleman.</p>
<p class='c010'>“You’re responsible for this creature,” said Gumbril,
pointing to the young man, who was sitting on the floor
near the fireplace, cooling his forehead against the marble
of the mantelpiece. “You must take him away. Really,
what a bore!” His nose and mouth were all wrinkled up
with disgust.</p>
<p class='c010'>“I’m sorry,” the young man whispered. He kept his eyes
shut and his face was exceedingly pale.</p>
<p class='c010'>“But with pleasure,” said Coleman. “What’s your
name?” he asked the young man, “and where do you
live?”</p>
<p class='c010'>“My name is Porteous,” murmured the young man.</p>
<p class='c010'>“Good lord!” cried Gumbril, letting himself fall on to
the couch beside Mrs. Viveash. “That’s the last straw!”</p>
<div class='chapter'>
<span class='pageno' id='Page_238'>238</span>
<div style="break-after:column;"></div><br />