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Astonishing History of Troy Town

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<h2>THE ASTONISHING HISTORY OF TROY TOWN.</h2> <h4>by</h4> <h2>Arthur Thomas Quiller-Couch.</h2> <h5>1914</h5> <h5>This etext prepared from a reprint of a version published in 1914.</h5> <hr class="narrow" <blockquote> TO CHARLES CANNAN. My Dear Cannan, It is told of a distinguished pedagogue that one day a heated stranger burst into his study, and, wringing him by the hand, cried, "Heaven bless and reward you, sir! Heaven preserve you long to educate old England's boyhood! I have walked many a weary, weary mile to see your face again," he continued, flourishing a scrap of paper, "and assure you that but for your discipline, obeyed by me as a boy and remembered as a man, I should never—no, never—have won the Ticket-of-Leave which you behold!" In something of the same spirit I bring you this small volume. The child of encouragement is given to staggering its parent; and I make no doubt that as you turn the following pages, you will more than once exclaim, with the old lady in the ballad— <blockquote><blockquote> "O, deary me! this is none of I!" </blockquote></blockquote> Nevertheless, it would be strange indeed if this story bore no marks of you; for a hundred kindly instances have taught me to come with sure reliance for your reproof and praise. Few, I imagine, have the good fortune of a critic so friendly and inexorable; and if the critic has been unsparing, he has been used unsparingly. <center> Wargrave, Henley-on-Thames, June 7, 1888 </center> </blockquote> <hr class="narrow" <center> <h3>CONTENTS</h3>   <table cellpadding="2"> <tr><td align="center" valign="top">Chapter</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">I.  </td><td>IN WHICH THE READER IS MADE ACQUAINTED WITH A STATE OF INNOCENCE; AND THE MEANING OF THE WORD "CUMEELFO"</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">II.  </td><td>HOW AN ADMIRAL TOOK ONE GENTLEMAN FOR ANOTHER, AND WAS TOLD THE DAY OF THE MONTH.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">III.  </td><td>OF A BLUE-JERSEYED MAN THAT WOULD HOIST NO MORE BRICKS; AND A NIGHTCAP THAT HAD NO BUSINESS TO BE WHERE IT WAS.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">IV.  </td><td>OF CERTAIN LEPERS; AND TWO BROTHERS WHO, BEING MUCH ALIKE, LOVED THEIR SISTER AND RECOMMENDED THE USE OF GLOBES.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">V.  </td><td>HOW AN ABSENT-MINDED MAN, THAT HATED WOMEN, TOOK A HOUSE BY THE WATERSIDE AND LIVED THEREIN WITH ONE SERVANT.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">VI.  </td><td>HOW CERTAIN TROJANS CLIMBED A WALL OUT OF CURIOSITY; AND OF A CHARWOMAN THAT COULD GIVE NO INFORMATION.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">VII.  </td><td>OF A LADY THAT HAD A MUSICAL VOICE, BUT USED IT TO DECEIVE.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">VIII.  </td><td>HOW A CREW, THAT WOULD SAIL ON A WASHING-DAY, WAS SHIPWRECKED: WITH AN ADVERTISEMENT AGAINST WOMEN.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">IX.  </td><td>OF A TOWN THAT WOULD LAUGH AT THE GREAT: AND HOW A DULL COMPANY WAS CURED BY AN IRISH SONG.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">X.  </td><td>OF ONE EXCURSION AND MANY ALARUMS.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XI.  </td><td>OF A WESLEYAN MINISTER THAT WOULD IMPROVE UPON NATURE, AND THEREBY TRAINED A ROOK TO GOOD PRINCIPLES.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XII.  </td><td>OF DETERIORATION; AND A WHEELBARROW THAT CONTAINED UNEXPECTED THINGS.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XIII.  </td><td>THE SIGNIFICANCE OF POMEROY'S CAT; AND HOW THE MEN AND WOMEN OF TROY ENSUED AFTER PLEASURE IN BOATS.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XIV.  </td><td>OF A LADY OF SENSIBILITY THAT, BEING AWKWARDLY PLACED, MIGHT EASILY HAVE SET MATTERS RIGHT, BUT DID NOT; WITH MUCH BESIDE.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XV.  </td><td>HOW A LADY AND A YOUTH, BEING SEPARATED FROM THEIR COMPANY, VISITED A SHIP THAT HELD NOTHING BUT WATER.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XVI.  </td><td>OF STRATEAGEMS AND SPOILS; AND THAT THE NOMINALISTS ERR WHO HOLD A THING TO BE WHAT IT IS CALLED.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XVII.  </td><td>HOW ONE THAT WAS DISSATISFIED WITH HIS PAST SAW A VISION, BUT DOUBTED.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XVIII.  </td><td>OF A YOUNG MAN THAT WOULD START UPON A DARK ADVENTURE, BUT HAD TWO MINDS UPON IT.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XIX.  </td><td>THAT A SILVER BULLET HAS VIRTUE; WITH A WARNING TO COMMODORES.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XX.  </td><td>HOW CERTAIN CHARACTERS FOUND THEMSELVES, AT DEAD OF NIGHT, UPON THE FIVE LANES ROAD.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XXI.  </td><td>THAT A VERY LITTLE TEA MAY SUFFICE TO ELEVATE A MAN.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XXII.  </td><td>IN WHICH SEVERAL ATTEMPTS ARE MADE TO PUT A PERIOD TO THIS HISTORY.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XXIII.  </td><td>HOW ONE LOVER TOOK LEAVE OF HIS WITS, AND TWO CAME TO THEIR SENSES.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XXIV.  </td><td>OF THE BEST HELLEBORE; AND AN EXPERIMENT IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF TWINS.</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" valign="top">XV.  </td><td>WHICH ENDS THIS STORY OF TROY.</td></tr> </table> </center> <hr class="narrow" <center> <ANTIMG src="images/FIG2.JPG" alt="The Astonishing History of Troy Town"> </center>   <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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