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Master of the Vineyard

<h2 class="gap3 chaphead">XIX</h2> <h2 class="chaphead">If Love Were All</h2> <div class="sidenote">When the Shadows Lengthen</div> The last of the packing was done, and four trunks stood in the lower hall, waiting for the expressman. Alden had not seen Edith that day, though he had haunted the house since breakfast, waiting and hoping for even a single word. She had been too busy to come down to luncheon, and had eaten only a little from the tray Madame sent to her room. She was to take the early train in the morning. The afternoon shadows had begun to lengthen when she came down, almost as white as her fresh linen gown, but diffusing about her some radiance from within that seemed not wholly of earth. He met her at the foot of the stairs, and took her hand in his. "Edith! I've been longing for you all day!" "And I for you," she returned, avoiding his eyes. "Listen, dear. Give me the rest of it, won't you?"[Pg 274] <div class="sidenote">For the Last Time</div> "The rest of what?" "The little time you have left with us—this afternoon and to-night." For a moment she hesitated, then looked him full in the face, her eyes mutely questioning his. "I won't," he said. "I promise you that." "Then I'll come." "Out on the river?" "Yes." "It's for the last time, Edith," he said, sadly; "the very last time." "I know," she returned. Her lips quivered a little, but her eyes did not falter. Clear and steadfast they looked far beyond him into the future where he had no part. The golden lights in them seemed signal fires now, summoning him mysteriously onward to some high service, not alien, even though apart from her. They said no more until they were in the boat, swinging out upon the sunlit river. Then Edith glanced at him, half shyly. "Wasn't last night wonderful?" "Wasn't it!" he echoed. "I never understood before." "Nor I." She trailed a white hand in the water as they sped up stream. The light touched her hair lovingly, bringing gleams of gold and amber from the depths.[Pg 275] <div class="sidenote">Alden's Silence</div> "Dear," he said, "did you think that, after last night, I could urge you to violate your solemn oath or even to break your word?" "I hoped not, but I didn't know." "I see it all clearly now. If more was meant for us to have, more would be right for us to take. Back in the beginning this was meant for you and me—just this, and nothing more." "How could there be more? Isn't love enough?" "Surely, but the separation hurts. Never even to see your face or touch your hand again!" "I know," she said, softly. "I'll want you, too." A thousand things struggled for utterance, but, true to his word, he remained silent. His whole nature was merged into an imperious demand for her, the cry of the man's soul for the woman who belonged to him by divine right. "If love were all," she breathed, as though in answer to it, "I'd come." "If love were all," he repeated. "I wonder why it isn't? What is there on earth aside from this? What more can heaven be than love—without the fear of parting?" "No more," she replied. "We've lost each other in this life, but there's another life to come."[Pg 276] <div class="sidenote">Whirling Atoms</div> "'Helen's lips are drifting dust,'" he quoted. "Perhaps not. That which once was Helen may be alive to-day in a thousand different forms. A violet upon a mossy bank, a bough of apple blossoms mirrored in a pool, the blood upon some rust-stained sword, a woman waiting, somewhere, for a lover who does not come." "And her soul?" "Drawn back into the Universal soul, to be born anew, in part or all." "What a pagan you are!" "Yes," she responded, smiling a little, "I am pagan and heathen and Christian martyr and much else. I am everything that I can understand and nothing that I cannot. Don't you see?" "Yes, I see, but what are we after all? Only two whirling atoms, blown on winds of Fate. What difference does it make whether we cling together, or are hopelessly sundered, as far apart as the poles?" "The same difference that it makes to a human body whether its atoms behave or not. You don't want to upset the Universe, do you?" He laughed, a trifle bitterly. "I don't flatter myself that I could." "Not you alone, nor I, nor even both together, but we mustn't set a bad example to[Pg 277] other atoms. As long as there's a preponderance of right in the world, things are clear, but, shift the balance, and then——" <div class="sidenote">What Is Right?</div> "What is right?" he demanded, roughly. "Always to do the thing you don't want to do?" "That depends," she returned, shrugging her shoulders. "It is to do what you think is right, and trust that it may be so." Alden stopped rowing. He was interested in these vague abstractions. "And," he said, "if a woman thinks it is her duty to murder her husband, and does it, is she doing right?" "Possibly. I've seen lots of husbands who would make the world better by leaving it, even so—well, abruptly, as you indicate. And the lady you speak of, who, as it were, assists, may merely have drawn a generous part of Lucretia Borgia for her soul-substance, and this portion chanced to assert itself while her husband was in the house and out of temper." "Don't be flippant, darling. This is our last day together. Let's not play a waltz at an open grave." The long light lay upon the tranquil waters, and, as a mirror might, the river gave it back a hundred-fold, sending stray gleams into the rushes at the bend in the stream, long arrows of impalpable silver into the far[Pg 278] shadows upon the shore, and a transfiguring radiance to Edith's face. <div class="sidenote">A Rainbow</div> Where the marsh swerved aside to wait until the river passed, the sunlight took a tall, purple-plumed iris, the reflection of the turquoise sky in a shallow pool, a bit of iridescence from a dragon-fly's wing, the shimmering green of blown grasses and a gleam of rising mist to make a fairy-like rainbow that, upon the instant, disappeared. "Oh!" said Edith. "Did you see?" "See what, dearest?" "The rainbow—just for a moment, over the marsh?" "No, I didn't. Do you expect me to hunt for rainbows while I may look into your face?" The faint colour came to her cheeks, then receded. "Better go on," she suggested, "if we're to get where we're going before dark." The oars murmured in the water, then rain dripped from the shining blades. The strong muscles of his body moved in perfect unison as the boat swept out into the sunset glow. Deeper and more exquisite with every passing moment, the light lay lovingly upon the stream, bearing fairy freight of colour and gold to the living waters that sang and crooned and dreamed from hills to sea. "It doesn't seem," she said, "as though it[Pg 279] were the last time. With earth so beautiful, how can people be miserable?" <div class="sidenote">A Perfect Spring Day</div> "Very easily," he responded. The expression of his face changed ever so little, and lines appeared around his mouth. "I remember," Edith went on, "the day my mother died. It was a perfect day late in the Spring, when everything on earth seemed to exult in the joy of living. Outside, it was life incarnate, with violets and robins and apple blossoms and that ineffable sweetness that comes only then. Inside, she lay asleep, as pale and cold as marble. At first, I couldn't believe it. I went outside, then in again. One robin came to the tree outside her window and sang until my heart almost broke with the pain of it. And every time I've heard a robin since, it all comes back to me." "Yes," said Alden, quietly, "but all the life outside was made from death, and the death within had only gone on to life again. You cannot have one without the other, any more than you can have a light without a shadow somewhere." "Nor a shadow," Edith continued, "without knowing that somewhere there must be light." They stopped at the cleft between the hills, where they had been the other day, but this time no one waited, with breaking heart, behind the rustling screen of leaves. Against[Pg 280] the rock, with some simple woodcraft of stones and dry twigs, Alden made a fire, while Edith spread the white cloth that covered Madame's basket and set forth the dainty fare. <div class="sidenote">At Sunset</div> They ate in silence, not because there was nothing to say, but because there was so much that words seemed empty and vain. Afterward, when the flaming tapestry in the West had faded to a pale web of rose and purple, faintly starred with exquisite lamps of gleaming pearl, he came to her, and, without speaking, took her into his arms. For a long time they stood there, heart to heart, in that rapturous communion wholly transcending sense. To him it was not because she was a woman; it was because she was Edith, the mate of his heart and soul. And, to her, it was a subtle completion of herself, the best of her answering eagerly to the best in him. At last, with a sigh, he pushed her gently away from him, and looked down into her eyes with a great sadness. "Never any more, beloved. Have you thought of that?" "Yes, I know," she whispered. "Never any more." "I'll want you always." "And I you." "Sometimes my heart will almost break with longing for you, craving the dear touch[Pg 281] of you, though it might be only to lay my hand upon your face." <div class="sidenote">The Day's Duty</div> "Yes, I know." "And at night, when I dream that we're somewhere together, and I reach out my arms to hold you close, I'll wake with a start, to find my arms empty and my heart full." "The whole world lies between us, dear." "And heaven also, I think." "No, not heaven, for there we shall find each other again, with no barriers to keep us apart." "I shall live only to make myself worthy of finding you, dearest. I have nothing else to do." "Ah, but you have." "What?" "The day's duty, always; the thing that lies nearest your hand. You know, I've begun to see that it isn't so much our business to be happy as it is to do the things we are meant to do. And I think, too, that happiness comes most surely to those who do not go out in search of it, but do their work patiently, and wait for it to come." "That may be true for others, but not for us. What happiness is there in the world for me, apart from you?" "Memory," she reminded him gently. "We've had this much and nobody can take it away from us."[Pg 282] <div class="sidenote">Memories</div> "But even this will hurt, heart's dearest, when we see each other no more." "Not always." As she spoke, she sat down on the ground and leaned back against a tree. He dropped down beside her, slipped his arm around her, and drew her head to his shoulder, softly kissing her hair. "I remember everything," she went on, "from the time you met me at the station. I can see you now as you came toward me, and that memory is all by itself, for nobody at the very first meeting looks the same as afterward. There is always some subtle change—I don't know why. Do I look the same to you now as I did then?" "You've always been the most beautiful thing in the world to me, since the first moment I saw you." "No, not the first moment." "When was it, then, darling?" "The first night, when I came down to dinner, in that pale green satin gown. Don't you remember?" "As if I could ever forget!" "And you thought I looked like a tiger-lily." "Did I?" "Yes, but you didn't say it and I was glad, for so many other men had said it before." "Perhaps it was because, past all your splendour, I saw you—the one perfect and[Pg 283] peerless woman God made for me and sent to me too late." <div class="sidenote">Kisses</div> "Not too late for the best of it, dear." "What else do you remember?" "Everything. I haven't forgotten a word nor a look nor a single kiss. The strange sweet fires in your eyes, the clasp of your arms around me, your lips on mine, the nights we've lain awake with love surging from heart to heart and back again—it's all strung for me into a rosary of memories that nothing can ever take away." "That first kiss, beloved. Do you remember?" "Yes. It was here." She stretched out her arm and with a rosy finger-tip indicated the bare, sweet hollow of her elbow, just below the sleeve. Lover-like, he kissed it again. "Do you love me?" "Yes, Boy—for always." "How much?" "Better than everything else in the world. Do you love me?" "Yes, with all my heart and soul and strength and will. There isn't a fibre of me that doesn't love you." "For always?" "Yes, for always." And so they chanted the lover's litany until even the afterglow had died out of the sky.[Pg 284] Edith released herself from his clinging arms. "We must go," she sighed. "It's getting late." <div class="sidenote">If</div> He assisted her to her feet, and led her to the boat, moored in shallows that made a murmurous singing all around it and upon the shore. He took her hand to help her in, then paused. "If love were all," he asked, "what would you do?" "If love were all," she answered, "I'd put my arms around you, like this, never to be unclasped again. I'd go with you to-night, to the end of the world, and ask for nothing but that we might be together. I'd face the heat of the desert uncomplainingly, the cold of perpetual snows. I'd bear anything, suffer anything, do anything. I'd so merge my life with yours that one heart-beat would serve us both, and when we died, we'd go together—if love were all." "God bless you, dear!" he murmured, with his lips against hers. "And you. Come." The boat swung out over the shallows into the middle of the stream, where the current took them slowly and steadily toward home. For the most part they drifted, though Alden took care to keep the boat well out from shore, and now and then, with the stroke of an oar dipped up a myriad of mirrored stars.[Pg 285] <div class="sidenote">Seeking for a Message</div> Edith laughed. "Give me one, won't you, please?" "You shall have them all." "But I asked only for one." "Then choose." She leaned forward, in the scented shadow, serious now, with a quick and characteristic change of mood. "The love star," she breathed. "Keep it burning for me, will you, in spite of clouds and darkness—for always?" "Yes, my queen—for always." When they reached the house, Madame was nowhere in sight. Divining their wish to be alone on this last evening together, she had long since gone to her own room. The candles on the mantel had been lighted and the reading lamp burned low. Near it was the little red book that Edith had found at the top of the Hill of the Muses. Sighing, she took it up. "How long ago it seems," she said, "and yet it wasn't. Life began for me that night." "And for me. I read to you, do you remember, just before I kissed you for the first time?" "Yes. Read to me again just before you kiss me for the last time, then give me the book to keep." "Which one? The same?" "No," cried Edith. "Anything but that!" "Then choose. Close your eyes, and choose." "It's like seeking for a message, or a sign,"[Pg 286] she said, as she swiftly turned the pages. Then, with her eyes still closed, she offered him the book. "Here—read this. Is it a blank page?" <div class="sidenote">Severed Selves</div> There was a pause, then Edith opened her eyes. "It isn't the first one you read to me, is it? Don't tell me that it is!" "No," said Alden, "it isn't, but it's a message. Listen." She sat down, in her old place, but he stood at the table, bending toward the light. His boyish mouth trembled a little, his hands were unsteady, and there was a world of love and pain in his eyes. With his voice breaking upon the words, he read: <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> "Two separate divided silences, Which, brought together, would find loving voice; Two glances which together would rejoice In love, now lost like stars beyond dark trees; Two hands apart, whose touch alone gives ease; Two bosoms which, heart-shrined with mutual flame, Would, meeting in one clasp, be made the same; Two souls, the shores wave-mocked of sundering seas:— </div> <div class="stanza"> Such are we now. Ah! may our hope forecast Indeed one hour again, when on this stream Of darkened love once more the light shall gleam?— An hour how slow to come, how quickly past,— Which blooms and fades, and only leaves at last, Faint as shed flowers, the attenuated dream." </div> </div> For a moment the silence was tense. Then the hall clock struck the hour of midnight.[Pg 287] It beat upon their senses like a funeral knell. Then Edith, white-faced, and struggling valiantly for self-control, reached out her hand for the book. <div class="sidenote">Good-bye</div> "Good-night, Boy," she said, "for the last time." "Good-night," he answered, gathering her into his arms. "And good-bye, Boy, forever!" "Forever," he echoed, "good-bye!" He kissed her again, not with passion, but with the love that has risen above it. Then she released herself, and, holding the little red book against her heart, ran quickly up-stairs. He waited until the echo of her footsteps had died away, and her door had closed softly. Then he put out the lights, and sat there for a long time in the darkness, thinking, before he went to his room. [Pg 288] <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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