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<h1> VIGNETTES OF SAN FRANCISCO </h1>
<h2> By Almira Bailey </h2>
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<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0001"> <big><b>VIGNETTES OF SAN FRANCISCO</b></big></SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0002"> As Pilgrims go to Rome </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0003"> At the Ferry </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0004"> The Union-Street Car </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0005"> The Latin Meets the Oriental </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0006"> The Pepper and Salt Man </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0007"> The Bay on Sunday Morning </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0008"> Safe on the Sidewalk </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0009"> Port O’Missing Men </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0010"> Market St. Scintillations </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0011"> Cafeterias </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0012"> The Open Board of Trade </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0013"> The San Francisco Police </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0014"> A Marine View </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0015"> Hilly-Cum-Go </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0016"> I’ll Get It Changed, Lady </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0017"> Fillmore Street </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0018"> In the Lobby of the St. Francis </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0019"> The Garbage Man’s Little Girl </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0020"> The Palace </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0021"> Zoe’s Garden </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0022"> Children on the Sidewalk </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0023"> Feet That Pass on Market St. </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0024"> Where the Centuries Meet </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0025"> Bags or Sacks </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0026"> Portsmouth Square </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0027"> Miracles </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0028"> Impulses and Prohibitions </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0029"> Stopping at the Fairmont </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0030"> San Francisco Sings </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0031"> Van Ness Avenue </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0032"> The Blind Men and the Elephant </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0033"> You’re Getting Queer </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0034"> The Ferry and Real Boats </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0035"> A Whiff of Acacia </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0036"> It Takes All Sorts </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0037"> The Fog in San Francisco </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0038"> A Block on Ashbury Heights </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0039"> The Greek Grocer </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0040"> Billboards or Art </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0041"> Golden Gate Park </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0042"> Extra Fresh </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0043"> On the California-Street Car </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0044"> Western Yarns </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0045"> Mr. Mazzini and Dante </SPAN></p>
<p><SPAN href="#link2H_4_0046"> On the Nob of Nob Hill </SPAN></p>
<p><br/></p>
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<br/>
<h1> VIGNETTES OF SAN FRANCISCO </h1>
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<h2> As Pilgrims go to Rome </h2>
<p>In the same way that the poets have loved Rome and made their pilgrimages
there—as good Moslems travel toward Mecca, so there are some of us
who have come to San Francisco. Then when we arrive and find it all that
we have dreamed, our love for it becomes its highest tribute. And I don’t
know why it is sacrilege to mention Rome and San Francisco in the same
breath. As for me I greatly prefer San Francisco, although I have never
been to Rome.</p>
<p>I love San Francisco for its youth. Other cities have become set and hard
and have succumbed to the cruel symmetry of the machine age, but not San
Francisco. It is still youth untamed. They may try, but they cannot
manicure it, nor groom it, nor dress it up in a stiff white collar, nor
fetter it by not allowing a body to stretch out on the grass in Union
Square or prohibiting street-fakers and light wines served in coffee pots
and doing away with wild dashing jitneys.</p>
<p>Then there is something about San Francisco’s being away out here from
everyone else, a city all alone. New York is five hours from Boston;
Philadelphia is close between New York and Washington; Baltimore is a
trolley ride away; Chicago is only overnight from all the other cities,
while Atlanta is only two sleeping car nights from her sister cities. But
San Francisco, out here as far as it can reach with one foot in the great
Pacific, nearly a week from New York and a month away from China, some
people wouldn’t like it, but something vagabondish in me rejoices to have
run away from them all. Especially at night when the fog comes in on the
city and shuts out even Oakland, and fog horns out of the Golden Gate call
mournfully, and boats in the bay go calling their lookout calls, I get
this feeling of far-offness from the rest of the world that is very
gratifying.</p>
<p>And I love the sound of San Francisco, the sound of its singing—some
cities roar and others hum, but San Francisco sings. And I love the look
of it and the feel of it. I love to stand, on its hills in the mornings
when the bride-veil fog is going out to sea and the smoke and steam and
fog and sunshine make one grand symphonic morning song. And I love to
stand on high hills on clear days when all her cubist houses stand bold in
the sunlight and the cities across the bay are so close to the touch. And
I love its color, flowers and girls and splashes of the Oriental. And I
love its Bohemia which is not affected, but real. I love it because it is
young and live and spontaneous and humorous and beauty-loving and
unashamed of anything that is life. Oh, I don’t know.</p>
<p>If I were in New York and it should begin to suffocate me I would run and
run across the continent and never stop once until I landed on the top of
Telegraph Hill.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> At the Ferry </h2>
<p>The shrill of newsboys, the bass of older venders, the call of taxis,
trolleys that proceed all day in ordered sequence, the wide swing of
traffic on the Embarcadero, a tang of salt in the air, the atmosphere of
flowers for sale, hoarse call of ferries in the bay like politicians who
have spoken too much in the open air and lost their voices, the
beautifully ordered hurry and bustle and expectancy of people on their way
somewhere, and over it all the mentor of the police.</p>
<p>“Help pass the time pleasantly,” so does the electric piano coax away our
nickels. To those who know music it is a horrible sound, but to the rest
of us its tunes are rather gay. On the wall a defunct comedy flashes.
Hypnotized, but never amused, we gaze at it as we wait for the great doors
to swing back. A woman is thrown from an auto by her husband, and in her
fall displays a pair of husky, ruffled underwear. Time was when that would
have raised a howl of joy, but no longer. She hardly touches the ground
when we find ourselves gazing at an orchard of California figs, zip, the
woman picks herself up, gazes comically at the audience for a laugh and
receiving none, hops with phenomenal agility up astride of the hood of the
auto, piff, a yard of Santa Rosa hens, ping, the husband throws his wife
up to the roof of a skyscraper, the commuters gaze solemnly, biff, a scene
from Santa Clara, clang, the gates are opened.</p>
<p>On the Sausalito side, a jammed together happy vacation crowd, grotesquely
varied and elaborately gotten-up hikers, bags and suitcases to fall all
over everywhere, professorish looking men off, “taking a book along,”
people laden with all the cheap magazines in the market, smartly dressed
people on their way to country homes in Marin and Sonoma, a well
modulated, nicely groomed crowd—bing, the doors slide back and
everybody rushes off for a holiday.</p>
<p>Commuters and tourists, most of the time I’d rather be a tourist. They are
easily distinguished in the crowd, an accent from Louisiana, a woman who
has just returned from the Orient, a man with continental manners, they
are easily distinguished, and the predatory red-capped porters know them
well. We are wistfully sorry to be going only to Oakland, we long to go
out on the Main Line, the out-leading, mile-wandering, venturesome Main
Line. Reluctantly we turn to where duty and necessity calls us
ignominiously to the electric suburban.</p>
<p>The first sight of San Francisco. “Ah, this is San Francisco!” The shrill
of newsboys, the bass of older venders, the flash of electric signs. Do
you prefer “Camels”, “Chesterfields” or “Fatimas”? the call of taxis,
invitations to hotel buses, the wide sweep of traffic on the Embarcadero—“So
this is San Francisco.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Union-Street Car </h2>
<p>It is surprising how many people patronize the shabby little thing. But
then it waits right where those who leave the ferry may see it first as
though it were the most important car in town, and I have a fancy the big
cars humor it a bit and give it first place. Besides, it goes anywhere in
the city, Chinatown, the Hall of Justice, the Chamber of Commerce, the
Barbary Coast, St. Francis Church—sinners, saints and merchants may
travel its way—Portsmouth Square, Telegraph Hill, Little Italy,
Russian Hill, Automobile Row, Fillmore street, the Presidio and I expect
with a little coaxing it would switch about and run over to the Mission.
It has actually been known on stormy nights to take its constituents up
the side streets to their very doors.</p>
<p>It is a surprising little boat which looks like nothing more than a bug
crawling up the backs of the hills with its antenna of khaki-wound legs
sticking out fore and aft. Those who have traveled in Ireland tell us that
it is much like the jaunting cars, and it is not unlike the Toomerville
Trolley.</p>
<p>One night I set out to find the little thing to take me home. I was in a
strange part of the city and when my friends told me to get on and get off
and get on again I did as I was told. With blind faith I told the
conductors to put me off and they did. I continued in this way until long
after midnight when I found myself at a lonely corner with no one in
sight. I waited and waited and was getting nervous when I spied a blue
uniform. I looked sharply to see if he were a motorman, a fireman or an
officer from the Presidio. I am careful about these matters since last
summer when I was coming North on the President, and asked a naval officer
for some ice water. I rushed up to him and told him, which was true, that
it was the first time I had ever seen a policeman when I wanted one. This
led him into a defense of the San Francisco police, which I told him was
quite unnecessary with me for I thought them the finest policemen in the
world, probably because they are so Irish.</p>
<p>“Irish,” said he with a twinkle, “I’m not Irish.”</p>
<p>We chatted awhile until the Union street car came along, and then that
policeman who said he wasn’t Irish leaned over and whispered
confidentially, “If you miss this car, there’ll be another.” I suppose
they get lonesome.</p>
<p>You see how I am wandering away from my subject. That is because I
followed the Union street car. It switches from subject to subject just
like that. It begins with the wonderful retail markets of San Francisco,
and then changes abruptly to all sorts of sociological problems, then
before we know it gives us a beautiful marine view, and then drops us down
where the proletariat lives, then up to the homes of the rich and mighty,
and ends in the military.</p>
<p>Everyone should sight-see by the little Union street car.</p>
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<h2> The Latin Meets the Oriental </h2>
<p>In that spot where Chinatown merges into the Latin quarter there must be,
I think, a Director of Delightful Situations who holds dominion there. For
instance, can you imagine anything more subtle than a group of large fat
women haranguing, in Italian-American, a poor thin Chinaman over some
bargains in vegetables?</p>
<p>In a place which marks the line of cleavage between the two quarters is a
picture store containing in its window religious pictures, enlarged family
photographs of Filipinos, and, of course, views of the Point Lobos
cypress. There is something very appealing about that window. Pictures of
Jesus, no matter how lurid they are, never fall short of dignity. And it
seems not at all incongruous that He should be there in the midst of all
those strange human contacts.</p>
<p>There are not only contacts between the Latin and the Oriental, but
anything unusual may come to light in that particular neighborhood. A buff
cochin rooster was wandering about the street the other day. Stepping high
and picking up choice tidbits and showing off before his harem of hens who
peeked at him from their boxes, he strutted about exactly as though he had
been in his own Petaluma barnyard.</p>
<p>One day I saw an enormous negro running through the streets with a piece
of new, green felt bound around his stomach. Now why should a huge negro
run through the street with a piece of new green felt around his stomach?
No one knows. And another time a small Chinese maiden bumped into me
because she was so absorbed in that great American institution, the funny
sheet.</p>
<p>On one of those side streets, in there somewhere, one of those streets
untoured by tourists, I saw some Chinese boys, dressed in American “Boss
of the Road” unionalls, playing baseball and calling the call of Babe Ruth
in sing-song Chinese. Then near them was an empty lot and what do you
suppose it was filled with? Scotch thistles, and edged with wild corn
flowers. Even Nature enters into the fun.</p>
<p>There is a story of an Italian who went through the streets somewhere on
Leavenworth, calling, “Nica fresha flowers,” and from the opposite side of
the street a Chinaman with flowers would call, “Samee over here.” All went
well until the Chinaman began to outsell the other, when the Italian
remonstrated. “Yella for yourself, see,” he said, to which the Chinaman
answered, “Go to hellee,” and went on as before.</p>
<p>This story was told to me by very reliable eye witnesses. The buff cochin
rooster and the huge negro and all the others I saw myself. And many other
strange things which I have not room to write, I saw in that spot where
Chinatown merges into the Latin quarter.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Pepper and Salt Man </h2>
<p>He was a man, I should say about sixty years old, a most uninteresting
age, and a homely, weather-beaten fellow too, when you stopped to look at
him. His suit was pepper-and-salt, and he was just like his suit. Good as
gold, I have no doubt, a roomer of whom his landlady could say: “He comes
and he goes and is never a speck of trouble.”</p>
<p>Still, he might have been as good as Saint Anthony but no one would ever
have noticed him except for what happened. What happened wasn’t so much
either but it was enough to illumine that dun, common-place man so that
everyone in the side-seating trolley was suddenly aware of his presence.
What happened was ten months old and was a girl.</p>
<p>A regular girl, one hundred per cent feminine. One could tell just by the
way she wore her clothes, by her daintiness, by the tilt of her bonnet and
by the way smiled out from under it. I can’t describe a baby girl any more
than I describe a sunset or moonlight or any of the wonders of God—I
can only say that she was everything that a baby girl should have been.</p>
<p>When she entered with her mother we all edged and crowded over but the
pepper-and-salt man won. Down she sat close beside him. Then you should
have seen that man, the foolish, old fellow. He turned toward her; he
beamed; he mentally devoured her; he never took his eyes off her long
enough to wink.</p>
<p>When she seemed about to turn her restlessly bobbing head toward him, his
hands moved and the strong muscles of his face worked in excitement. Then,
when she smiled his way and for an instant there was a flash of tiny, milk
teeth, that man, the old silly, made the most dreadful facial contortion,
something between a wink, a smile, a booh and a grimace.</p>
<p>Then when she turned from him he sat there eating her up. I saw him look
reverently at her exquisite hands and at the awkward little legs sticking
out straight ahead. When her mother arranged her ruffles he watched every
move—absorbed. Then he would wait eager, hoping and praying for her
to smile his way again...</p>
<p>Why, I was waiting for her smile too and so was every one of the staid and
grown-up people in the car. I don’t know when we would ever have come out
from the spell of that ten-months-old baby girl if just then the conductor
had not called out reproachfully—“Central Avenue—Central
Avenue.” Then the pepper-and-salt man jumped and looked nervously out and
rushed for the door. I, myself, had to walk back two blocks and when I
turned at my corner he was still going back to his street.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Bay on Sunday Morning </h2>
<p>Perhaps to go to Fort Mason on a sunny Sunday morning, that beautiful
relaxed moment of the whole week, and there to sit with others who have no
autos to go gallivanting in, and to sit idly gazing off at the bay. That’s
not bad. To read a little and doze a bit, but mostly to gaze out to sea
and dream.</p>
<p>A big foreign steamer in port, perhaps a Scandinavian boat, inert,
enormous, helpless, while the little tugs chatter, around it and finally
get hold of it, and tug it slowly around with its nose pointing out to
sea. Lumber schooners come in slowly and rhythmically, long and low and
clean. The Vallejo boat, looking like a rocking horse, goes importantly
chugging off toward Mare Island. It’s hard to read a book with so going on
out there.</p>
<p>Sunday morning, blessed play time, there is a fellow in a green canoe, and
the muscles of his body play into the movement of the waves until he and
his green canoe and the white capped waves are all one motif of the whole
symphony. Men play around the yacht club like a lot of school boys, and
now—“Shoot,” they push a long slim racer into the water. Dainty
white yachts go dipping to the waves and seem like lovely young girls in
among the sturdier boats.</p>
<p>Now the fishermen come in from their night’s work, making music all in an
orderly procession, and every boat of them a brilliant blue inside. I’d
like to catch a Maine fisherman allowing color in his boat, like a “dago”
or a “wop.”</p>
<p>Over all the swing and dip and rhythm of the sea gulls. How beautifully
they accent the movement of the symphony, like the baton of some great
leader—this great beautiful Sunday morning symphony.</p>
<p>Then there is Alcatraz. Oh, Alcatraz, why should they have placed a prison
there as a monument to men’s failure to order their lives in harmony with
nature. Alcatraz, most beautiful island in the most beautiful bay, you
sound an ugly, sinister, most unhappy undertone in the morning’s symphony.</p>
<p>Still it is a symphony. A symphony of San Francisco Bay. Why shouldn’t the
composers put it into music. We’re sick of the song of the huntsman by the
brasses, the strings and the wood instruments. With Whitman we exclaim:
“Come, Muse, migrate from Aeonia,” and come out here to the West, and
conserve the symphony of the bay which is already composed and waiting.</p>
<p>And for the argument, the overture, the prelude, there could be a sailing
schooner with sails all set coming into the Golden Gate, in the full
brilliant sunlight, or mysteriously through a fog, or against a sunset
sky. It should be “full and by” like that beautiful painting by Coulter in
the stock exchange of the Merchants’ Building.</p>
<p>Symphony of San Francisco Bay, boom of fog horns, calls and answers of the
ferries, chug of the fishermen’s boats, twink of lights in the harbor at
night, rhythm of sea gulls, and the brooding fog to soften it all. “Come,
Muse, migrate from Aeonia.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Safe on the Sidewalk </h2>
<p>Are there others, I wonder, who feel as I do about crossing the street?
There must be. Now I, when I cross, say Market street at Third, I run. I
take my life and my bundles in my hand and run, darting swift glances to
the left and to the right. It looks “hick.” I know it looks “hick.” And I
care. But I prefer to be alive and countrified than sophisticated in an
ambulance and so I run.</p>
<p>At corners, too. I think corners are worse. For there the machines may
turn around and chase me, which they often do. It’s a horrible feeling.</p>
<p>There must be others who feel as I do about crossing the street, but they
never betray it. I watch to see and when they cross, they just cross—that’s
all. Not with nonchalance exactly, but with ease and assurance. Once I
actually saw a man, a native son, I’m sure, roll a cigarette as he crossed
at a point where even the traffic cop looked nervous.</p>
<p>No one ever gets killed or even injured. But always everybody is getting
almost killed and almost injured. They like it. It’s a sort of sport. I’ve
noticed it more since the city’s gone dry. The game is, if you are
walking, to see how close to a machine you can come and not hit it.</p>
<p>Street cars, machines and people all go straight ahead and they all come
out right. It’s the only city where it’s done with such abandon. They
never stop for anything except taxis—not even fire engines.</p>
<p>The secret of it is, I think, that no one ever hesitates. This is
understood by all San Franciscans—that, no one is ever going to
hesitate. That’s why there are no accidents. It’s the unexpected in people
that makes disasters and creates a demand for traffic cops.</p>
<p>I try to cross the street as others cross. I choose a chalk mark and,
pretending I am a native daughter, launch out. I get on fine—suddenly
a monster machine is on me. Or would be if I did not jump back. I
shouldn’t have jumped back it seems. But how was I to know? In the jaws of
death you don’t reason, you jump. In jumping back I hit another machine
and it stops. And that stops a street car. That stops something else. And
in a minute Market street, the famous Market street, is all balled up
because I jumped back. Drivers, red in the face, swear at me, not because
they are cross, but scared-more scared than I.</p>
<p>Next time I am more careful. I look to the traffic cop for attention but,
being a handsome man, he thinks I’m trying to flirt. Policemen should be
homely. So I wait until the street is entirely empty. I wait a long time—it
is empty—I run like a steer—and suddenly out of nowhere a
machine is yelling at me individually and I know no more until, breathless
and red, I reach the haven of the sidewalk.</p>
<p>Once I heard a horrible story of a man who lost control of his machine and
ran up on to the sidewalk.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Port O’Missing Men </h2>
<p>They say that San Francisco is known all over as the Port o’ Missing Men.
That it is a city where a man may lose himself if he chooses, and that by
the same token it is a good place to look for “my wandering boy tonight.”
I can believe all this especially on Third street. Third street should be
called by some other name or it should have a nickname. If it were in
Seattle it would be known as “skid row.” Third street doesn’t describe it
at all.</p>
<p>When I see a lot of men like that, wanderers, family men out of work,
vagabonds, nobodies, somebodies, “rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief;
doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief,” I always get to thinking how once each
one was a tiny baby in a thin white dress, and how before that each one of
them was born of a woman. If I could ever forget that, I could perhaps
sometimes call men “a lot of cattle.” Come to think of it, it is men who
call other men “cattle.” At any rate, I like to think that no woman would
ever see men as less than the sons of mothers.</p>
<p>The Port o’ Missing Men is like the Port of San Francisco, and these men
are like boats in from a foreign port, tramp steamers some of them, out of
nowhere, going nowhere, no baggage, no traditions, men who’ll never get
lost because they are on their way to Nowhere.</p>
<p>Yet, the majority of these men are going to some place, but where I do not
know. What do they talk about in groups down there, tall, young fellows
and strong middle-aged men and reminiscent, old ones down in the Port o’
Missing Men? If they’re out of work where do they sleep at night, and what
do they have to eat? And have they any women folks?</p>
<p>Not all kinds of men are down there, but many kinds. There are Mexicans,
Sinn Feiners, old American stock, and once in awhile a venturesome Yankee.
There are lumberjacks in from the North, and Chinamen in shuffling
slippers, and philosophers and Swedes, half-breeds and just plain men.
Some are Vagabonds who can’t help their roving, and others are very tired
and would like to lie over in port for or a long spell. There are
Italians, and Portuguese, and many Greeks, and turbaned Hindus, tall and
skinny, always traveling in pairs like nuns. Sometimes the Port is fairly
crowded.</p>
<p>New England is a section of the country where men leave home, and I have
heard mothers sing with tears in their voices: “Oh, where is my wandering
boy tonight?” On Third street down at the Port o’ Missing Men, I have a
fancy that I would like to write back to all those mothers that here are
their boys. But, after all, what good would that do, for who can tell
which is which?</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Market St. Scintillations </h2>
<p>Oh, the things our eyes discover as we walk along on Market street. Such a
medley—infinite, incongruous, comical, pathetic, motley and sublime.</p>
<p>Harding in a window with “pure buttermilk.” He’ll be in more difficult
situations before he is done, I’m thinking. An electric fan above him that
keeps the buttermilk “pure” and flies the American flag in crepe paper.</p>
<p>“Crabs to take home.” They are freshly cooked, very large and forty cents
apiece. I decide that some I shall really buy one and take it home when I
confronted with the fact that “All Hair Goods Must Be Sold.” Why, I
wonder. Why must they be sold? And here are “Eggs any style,” so close to
the hair goods that I immediately visualize them as marcelled “style” and
pompadoured.</p>
<p>“Shoes Drastically Reduced.” It is the truth. The Oxfords I wear are
reduced by a drastic five dollars. Well, I couldn’t go barefooted, I
comfort myself and hurry on.</p>
<p>A shooting gallery and a man standing there trying to make up his mind to
try it. A second’s glimpse of him and all that he is is revealed. One
knows immediately that his favorite song is “My Bonnie Lies Over the
Ocean,” and that his ideal man is Governor Allen and that he is on his way
to spend his “remaining days” with his sister Lottie in Los Angeles.</p>
<p>Who would eat “stewed tripe Spanish.” Someone must or they wouldn’t
advertise it on the outside of he restaurant. Well, it takes all sorts of
people to make a world. Probably the man who would order “stewed tripe
Spanish” wouldn’t touch an alligator pear salad. To him alligator pears
taste exactly like lard. To the person who wouldn’t eat “stewed tripe
Spanish” they are a delicacy.</p>
<p>A crowd around a window. On your tip-toes to see. It’s that fascinating
Lilliputian with a beard and electric bowels who stands in drug store
windows and administers corn cure to his own toes with a smile.</p>
<p>The professional window shopper is a vagabond at heart—a loiterer by
nature. Here is one gazing in a photographer’s window to discover someone
he knows. These two are not professionals though but a spring couple
looking in furniture windows for nest material. And sailors wandering
about, nothing but kiddies, lonesome looking and no doubt wishing we were
at War again and hospitable once more.</p>
<p>Here is a “Pershing Market” and a “Grant Market,” beside it. There’s a lot
of that in San Francisco. Is there an “Imperial Doughnut?” Up goes a
“Supreme Doughnut” next door. It’s the spirit of “I’ll go you one better
every time.” It’s the spirit of Market street.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Cafeterias </h2>
<p>This is not to hurt the feelings of anyone, for some people are very
sensitive about cafeterias. They are cafeteria wise, they have a cafeteria
class consciousness. Such people are to be admired. They have accurate
minds which enable them to choose a well-balanced meal at minimum cost.
Lacking that sort of mind, I do not get on well in cafeterias. As sure as
I equip myself with a tray and silver in a napkin and become one of the
long procession, I lose all sense of proportion, and come out at the end
with two desserts, or a preponderance of starches or with too much bread
for my butter, and a surprising bill.</p>
<p>Those who are cafeteria wise can choose a good meal for 28 cents or 33
cents at the most. They don’t take food just because it looks delicious.
They “yield not to temptation.” They have a plan and stick to it. Wise and
strong-minded, they shuffle their way bravely to the end. It is said that
in time they acquire a cafeteria shuffle which one can detect even on the
street. But I don’t believe it’s so.</p>
<p>Other sections of the country have cafeterias and in some parts of the
South, especially in Louisville, they are run quite extensively. But it is
in the West, especially in California, that they have attained a dignity
and even lavishness that makes them the surprise and delight of the
tourist. Irvin Cobb says that this is the cafeteria belt of which Los
Angeles is the buckle.</p>
<p>We have music in our cafeterias. We have flowers on the tables. People
don’t just eat in them, they dine. They take their guests there. Our
cafeterias have galleries with rocking chairs and stationery. They have
distinctive architecture. We take visitors to see them. We brag about
them, and when we wish to be especially smart we pronounce them
caffa-tuh-ree-ah.</p>
<p>Personally, I am proud of our cafeterias, but I do not get on in them. I
enter hungry. I look sideways to see what other folks are eating. I decide
to have corned beef and cabbage and peach short cake and nothing else.
Then in the line I have the hurried feeling of people back of me, and that
I ought to make quick decisions. Everyone ought to eat salad, so I take a
salad. Then some roast beef looks good so I take that, and the girl asks
briskly with a big spoon poised, if I’ll take potatoes, and I don’t wish
potatoes, but she makes a great nest of them beside the meat and fills the
nest with gravy and I pass on. According to Hoover or Maria Parloa or
Roosevelt, I ought to have a vegetable, and so I take two. Meanwhile I
have taken bread, but the woman ahead takes hot scones and so I do. I
choose some thick-creamed cake, very fattening, but just this once, and
then, oh, I don’t know. The tray is heavy and no place to put it, and in
my journeying I peek at the bill and it’s over 75 cents, and when I
finally sit down opposite a stranger I find on my tray two salads, and
when I chose the other I don’t remember.</p>
<p>But cafeterias are very fine for those who have cafeteria sense.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Open Board of Trade </h2>
<p>Months ago one of The Journal readers suggested a story to be found down
on Market street near the Hobart building. Many times since when passing
there I have thought that those street hawkers must have a certain
picturesque and even humorous value, and hoping to find it I have stopped
to listen. But the moment I stop they win me with their everlasting logic,
and then blessed if I can write them up. They have the same effect upon
others. I have seen chambers of commerce and stock exchangers and
professors from Berkeley passing with a supercilious glance which did very
well so long as they kept moving. But once let them step into the magic
ring and they too became mesmerized and stood there gaping in spellbound
interest. “Logic is logic, that’s all I say.”</p>
<p>Those hawkers are artists, skilled in the arts and wiles of
persuasiveness. There is one with a long, horse-hair wig which he
occasionally brushes back from his eyes with a dignified flourish. This
man has found the supreme elixir and the secret of perpetuity. He is the
only man in the world, this modern Ponce de Leon, who knows the secret.
Surely we need not blush to listen to its exposition, $2 is a small sum to
pay for such a bonanza. Forty thousand people have used it in the last
thirty-nine days. Think of it. “Take it right out into the crowd and sniff
it for yourself,” he urges and somehow that breaks the spell, and strong
men look foolishly at each other and move a-way.</p>
<p>Horoscopes, suspenders, iron watch charms, brown cakes that may pass for
maple sugar, ironing wax, laundry soap or penuchia, a book on Prohibition,
mending wax and books of magic are all there. They are not things which we
particularly want, but that’s the point. Anyone can sell things that
people want. But these men are professional persuaders of men against
their will whose mission it is to make people want what they don’t want.
That’s Art.</p>
<p>The horoscope seller must have taken his degree from some college of
venders, his call has such finesse. I cannot reproduce the lilt of it—“Here’s
where you get your horoscope, a dime, ten cents.” It is suggestive of the
midways of country fairs, shooting galleries on the Board Walk, and
circuses in the springtime. “Here’s where you get your horoscope, a dime,
ten cents.”</p>
<p>The little, old, blind man sitting there with one hand outstretched and
the other holding a book, his white hair and beard neatly combed, reminds
me of something Biblical and prophetic like pictures in old churches.
Alas! no one seems to buy his story of prohibition. I think he would do
lots better in Kansas or Iowa. A particularly fascinating one is the man
of mending wax who stands before his table like some professor of
chemistry with a tiny flame and saucers of mysterious powders and, I
almost said, a blow pipe.</p>
<p>But, pshaw, I can’t write them up. I take them too seriously. “Logic is
logic, that’s all I say.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The San Francisco Police </h2>
<p>The San Francisco police are the handsomest and most-willing-to-flirt
policemen in the United States, if not in the world. What a surly lot, the
New York policemen. They treat one as though he were a blackguard for
merely asking some direction.</p>
<p>“What car shall I take for the New Jersey Central Ferry?” we ask.</p>
<p>“Zippity-ip,” he snaps, moving off.</p>
<p>“What did you say?” we ask in timid desperation.</p>
<p>“Zippity-ip,” he yells, shaking his fist at us.</p>
<p>But ask a San Francisco policeman the way and how different. He will take
your arm and smile down at you and even go away with you chatting all the
time—“Stranger here? Well, you’ll never go back East again.” And
somehow after that you never do.</p>
<p>Of course, the San Francisco police are many things beside being handsome
and willing to flirt. But these are important qualifications which, up to
this time, have never had their place in journalism. Ah, many a Raleigh
and Don Quixote in the roster of the S. F. police.</p>
<p>A policeman is all things to all people. What a policeman is depends upon
what we are. To those who are fast, either in reputation or driving, he is
a limb of the law to be either evaded or cajoled. To the small boy he is a
hero to aspire to become when grown. To the public-spirited citizen of the
reforming order he is a piece of community linen to be periodically washed
in public with a great hue in the papers about graft expose. To almost
anybody in the dead of night with burglars prowling about, he is a friend
to be called—in case one has a nickel handy.</p>
<p>But to the great army of women who are hopelessly respectable, the
policeman is something quite different. And what we women think of the
police is important. We pay taxes, we vote and we cross the street. We
like our policemen to be handsome and cavalier and, again I say, the S. F.
police are both. Any fine day they will make a funeral procession out of
the motor traffic to escort a nice woman across Market street.</p>
<p>It goes without saying and is an unwritten law that policemen should be
Irish. I enjoy Greeks in classic literature or in restaurants, but not as
policemen. There is a saying in the city that when Greek meets Greek they
go together to get a job on the Market Street Railways. But when they get
upon the police force, I for one, shall move to the country. Policemen
should always be Irish.</p>
<p>And handsome. This is a woman’s reason, but listen: O men, are they not, I
ask, a part of the civic beauty of the city? Is it not important that
these animated equestrian statues should be gallant men upon noble and
spirited horses? And who is more imperial in the pictorial life of the
city than the officer on the Lotta Fountain pedestal by the raising of
whose sceptered hand the life of the city moves or stays. Yes, policemen
should be handsome and gallant. It is written.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> A Marine View </h2>
<p>Russian Hill had always seemed economically remote to me as an abiding
place until recently I was invited out where some people were living in a
modest apartment with a good view of the bay. And when they suggested that
I try to get an apartment over there I decided to do it.</p>
<p>It was a beautiful morning when I started out. There stood Russian Hill
and as Gibraltar bristles with armaments so it glittered with windows
facing the sea and one of them for me. Perhaps I could get a few rooms
from a nice Italian family and fix them up. Ah, the Latin quarter,
Greenwich village, the ghosts of artists haunting the place, Bohemians,
enthusiasm, the lust for adventure. I bristled with personality.</p>
<p>“Oh, you want a marine view,” said the real estate man. “Not for that
price, lady.”</p>
<p>A “marine view.” I didn’t want a marine view; I only wanted one window
facing the sea. Surely with all those windows—.</p>
<p>I left the real estate man and began wandering about. I asked a group of
Italian women and they exclaimed in a chorus “No marine views left.” I
hadn’t said a thing about a “marine view.” I wandered further and it was
always the same. Some were smug and some were sorry but they all spoke of
a “marine view” in a certain tone of voice, as Boston people say “Boston.”</p>
<p>It was getting hot. I could not remove my coat because my waist was a lace
front. Only a hair net restrained me from utter frumpiness. Still I was
not altogether beaten and when I came to a nice countrified looking house
standing alone in the midst of modern art and a man came out I asked him.
The moment I did there came into his eyes a hunted glitter and he told me
how he had held out against them and how he had been besieged for years to
rent his marine view and wouldn’t.</p>
<p>As I turned away I met an Irish delivery man and he said that there were
dozens of vacant apartments very reasonable and waved his hand vaguely in
the direction where I’d been searching. I like the Irish but his cheerful
fibbery was the last straw and I went home.</p>
<p>The next day my friends called up and said that they had a marine view for
me. I was to live all summer in the apartment of the So-and-Sos while they
were away. So now I am. They are artistic and I drink my coffee from
saffron colored cups on a bay green table runner over a black table under
a turquoise blue ceiling with a view of the bay from the window.</p>
<p>But I am humble and if some day I meet a hot, tired looking woman who
can’t find an apartment on Russian Hill, I shall say: “Shucks, a marine
view isn’t so much.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Hilly-Cum-Go </h2>
<p>This is a story for children, because they will know it’s only fooling,
while grown-up people will believe it’s true.</p>
<p>The cable car isn’t a car at all, children, but is a hilly-cum-go, a
species of rocking horse and a grown-up kiddie-kar. It is a native of and
peculiar to San Francisco, and is a loyal member of the N. S. G. W. It has
relatives in the South, and the electric dinkie that rolls up and down
between Venice and Santa Monica is its first cousin. Some say that it is
distantly related to the wheel chairs at Atlantic City. It is not at all
common.</p>
<p>The men who run it are its Uncles. The parents live underground caring for
the young kiddie-kars. At times, if you peek down in that hole near the
Fairmont and are careful not to be run over you may see them bustling
about. Before she was married, the mama was a Marjory Daw of the Daw
family, famous see-sawers. The children take after their mother.</p>
<p>The Uncles are very kind and pick the hilly-cum-goes up in their arms as
tenderly as a woman would. You must have seen them pick the little things
up and run with them across the streets out of the way of autos. And at
night they tuck them in their little beds and hear them say their prayer
which goes:</p>
<p>Oh, dear me, I hope I’m able, All day long to keep my cable.</p>
<p>These hilly-cum-goes are not run by electricity at all, but just pretend.
They are run by three things—black magic, white magic and a sense of
humor. Black magic takes them up the hills, white magic restrains them
down, and the sense of humor is in the Irish conductors. You may hear, if
you listen, the magic coming out of the ground, “Kibble-kable,
kibble-kable,” only fast as anything. At noon time it goes “Putter,
putter, putter,” and at bed-time, “Kuddle-kiddie, kuddle-kiddie.”</p>
<p>This magic is very, very important. Especially going down hill. Did you
ever, my dears, descend that precipice at the end of the Fillmore street
line? What is it that keeps you from landing flat on your nose on Union
street? Nothing but white magic. What is it that keeps you from shooting
from the Fairmont, straight down into the St. Francis? White magic.</p>
<p>The sense of humor is also very important. Suppose a stout person gets on,
the conductor hops immediately to the opposite side for ballast. That
takes a sense of humor. If the hilly-cum-go is full of young people,
especially sweethearts, the Uncle jiggles the hilly-cum-go horribly, but
if old people are on it goes—“See-saw, Marjory Daw,” just gently.</p>
<p>I trust, dear children, that all these facts will make you appreciate more
the hilly-cum-go, and when you sit on it so cosy, so intimate with the
street, riding along looking at the scenery, you will be thankful, that
poor old horses do not have to tug you up hill, and that you have this
sturdy little creature to haul you about. Nice little, old hilly-cum-go.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> I’ll Get It Changed, Lady </h2>
<p>This expressman was a regular San Franciscan. And there is such a thing,
you know, as a regular San Franciscan. He is a native son and more. His
speech betrays him. He calls a “car” a “cahh,” and when he’s surprised he
says: “Yeah”! He has a permanent laugh in his eyes, and the only thing he
gets mad about is prohibition. But the particular thing that I started to
say of him is that money is to him a thing to spend. Money is an incident
to life, that’s all.</p>
<p>He said it would be a “dollar, six-bits,” and I was sorry, but I only had
a ten-dollar bill. When I said that, he just reached out and took it from
me, and said he’d get it changed, and disappeared. Now, the significant
thing, and the one that made him a regular San Franciscan, was that he
never dreamed that I would doubt his honesty in returning with the change.
And I didn’t. It was this last that surprised me. If it had been in New
York—I gasp—if it had been in New York, no expressman would
have dared do such a thing because no one would have trusted him, and if
they had been so hick as to trust him, the expressman would have had no
respect for himself if he himself were so hick as to return with the
change.</p>
<p>I never shall forget the shock of seeing a pile of newspapers in front of
a drug store, the day I landed in San Francisco, where men took their
morning paper and threw down a nickel, and even made change for a dime.
Right out on the pavement—a lot of nickels lying loose and no one
paying any attention. Why, in New York—well, it couldn’t be done in
New York, that’s all.</p>
<p>It’s not because San Francisco is not metropolitan. For San Francisco is
essentially a city just as Los Angeles will always be a terribly big
country village. It’s not at all a matter of population. In Connecticut,
we always said that Bridgeport was a city, and New Haven which was larger,
was not. It’s a bing, and a zip, and a tra-la-la-lah, that makes one city
a city and another not. I can explain it no other way.</p>
<p>But with all its cityfiedness, there is a strange lack of suspicion, a
free and easy attitude toward mere physical money, that one finds in no
other large city except San Francisco. In the stores the clerks will say:
“Shall I put it in a sack?” and you answer just as they hoped you would:
“Oh, no, I’ll slip it right in my bag.” In New York as soon as one did
that she’d be nabbed on the way out for a shoplifter.</p>
<p>Perhaps the constant use of silver money has had something to do with the
matter. Paper money can be tucked away. Silver is more spendable, everyone
knows that. Break a five-dollar bill into “iron men,” and it’s gone, gone.
And yet it can’t be the use of silver money alone that accounts for it.
Reno has silver money, and yet there is little of the old, free Western
spirit left in Reno.</p>
<p>No, it’s something to do with San Francisco where suspicion doesn’t yet
grip the hearts of men and where money is made to spend.</p>
<p>San Francisco, the last stand of the old, free West.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Fillmore Street </h2>
<p>I walk along on Fillmore street. I try to walk very fast with eyes
straight ahead. One needs a strong will to take a-walking on Fillmore
street and keep from spending all his money. In fact it is better to have
no money at all for then one is tempted to hold on to it.</p>
<p>Everything in the world is in the windows on Fillmore street—everything.
There isn’t a phase of human activity that isn’t represented. Every nation
has left its stamp. Spain—tamales and enchiladas. France—a
pastry shop. Italy—spaghetti and raviolas. The Islands have for sale
all that’s hula-hula. Here is a Hungarian restaurant. And the “O. K. Shoe
Shop—While U Wait” is pure American.</p>
<p>There is “Sam’s Tailor Shop.” I feel as though I should know this fellow
Sam. Apparently he knows me from his chummy sign. Sam, Sam—I ought
to remember Sam.</p>
<p>Do you wish to paint and varnish? Well, here you are. Or to be shaved or
have your eye-brows arched? Walk right in. Here is a place to learn to
paint china. Here are drugs, corsets, religion, fish, statuary, cigars and
choice meats all in a row. Meats, on Fillmore street, are always “choice”
or “selected” or “stall-fed.” I doubt if you could get just “meat” if you
tried. Next to the meats, out on a table before a second-hand book store
is romantic, old “St. Elmo” of mid-Victorian fame. He must have come West
by the “Pony Express.”</p>
<p>I always stop, if I have time, to look at shoes to be mended. They are
like people who have fallen asleep in public, off their guard and at their
very worst. Take a shoe—a real, old shoe without a foot in it and it
looks so foolish, betraying so mercilessly its owner’s bumps and peculiar
toes. There is pathos there, too. A scrub woman’s run-down shoes, a
kiddie’s scuffed-out toes, a man’s clumsy, clay-stained boots and the
happy dancing slippers of a young girl.</p>
<p>Back of the shoes—the cobbler. Cobblers are always philosophers. Not
pretty men, but thinkers. In their little, dingy shops they sit all day
with their eyes down, isolated from the “hum and scum” about them, to the
tune of their “tap, tap, tap,” their minds are detached to think and
philosophize and vision.</p>
<p>Now we are at the corner where we turn away from Fillmore street. There is
a window full of dolls. Such a lot of homely dolls. They don’t make pretty
dolls any more. They make them to look like humans. “Character” dolls they
call them and they are “characters.” Now, when I was a little girl, they
made dolls to look the way you wished human beings could look.—It is
not hard to turn the corner.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> In the Lobby of the St. Francis </h2>
<p>There is something about having money enough to stay at the St. Francis,
and to dine there and to wear smart clothes there that makes people step
out and act sure of themselves. Even when they can’t afford it, and their
stay there is a splurge or an outing, they act just as sure and stepping.
And as for the people to whom the St. Francis is but an incident they act
sure because they were born that way.</p>
<p>Never in my life have I seen such sure, well-dressed women as in the lobby
of the St. Francis. And I am no greenhorn at lobbies. I have reviewed in
my day some of the best peacock alleys in the country. There is the New
Willard. Now when I think of the New Willard, I see frumpily dressed
dowagers talking through their lorgnettes to moth-eaten senators. The
Selbach in Louisville, the St. Charles in New Orleans are famed for their
handsome women, but none are so free and proudly sure of themselves on
peacock alley as California women. No women dress as they do either. They
are not so chic as they are smart; their tailor mades, their furs, their
hats with a preponderance of orange, their well-dressed legs and feet and
a reserved brilliance that makes them the finest-looking women in the
United States.</p>
<p>It is a fine pastime to step out from the surge of Life for a minute and
let it ebb and flow around one in the lobby of the St. Francis. Such a
pageant of individual stories. An exquisitely dressed young girl meets
another there, and soon two young chaps appear and they all begin talking
silly nothings, and laughing at each other’s silly jokes, and looking into
each other’s foolish young eyes much as lovers have always done. A
harassed business man rushes frantically to the telegraph desk and wires
his firm at Pittsburgh. Some staid, comfortably-fixed tourists from Newton
Center, Massachusetts, come in from sight-seeing and go up to their rooms
and quickly get their shoes off. A group of Elks come in, arm-linked, and
start one wondering about the enforcement of the dry law. In and out among
all these moving comedies and tragedies flits like an orange-colored
butterfly a little Oriental boy, an angel-faced page goes calling “Mister
Smith,” and sober looking bell-hops stand alert to the sound of “Front.”</p>
<p>A beautiful woman steps forward and meets a handsome man and they go to
dinner together, and somehow I don’t think he is her husband and wonder if
she is a widow and decide that it is none of my business. If she has a
husband he is probably an “ornery” fellow who never takes her anywhere.</p>
<p>Everyone who passes by me looks alert, and sure, and happy and prosperous,
but I comfort myself that probably each one of them has as much to worry
about as I myself do.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Garbage Man’s Little Girl </h2>
<p>This vignette is written because it can’t help itself and carries with it
a hope that someone who reads it may know a little girl whose father is a
garbage man. Suppose that you can’t think of anyone just now who is a
daughter to a garbage man, it is best to read this just the same for you
never know when you may meet her.</p>
<p>When you do, tell her not to care too much when the children at school
tease her about her father and cry—“Phew—phew, here comes the
gar-bidge-Garrr-bidge-Garrr-bidge.” Tell her at that time to try and
sustain her personal integrity with philosophy. It won’t do her a particle
of good but tell her just the same.</p>
<p>Tell her that her father is a terribly useful man. That if he should fail
to function, then the disposal of garbage would become an individual
problem and that the mamas of kids whose fathers are not garbage men would
be obliged to say to their husbands—“Ed, dear, don’t forget to take
the garbage bucket to the public incinerator on your way to the office.”</p>
<p>Tell her that just because her father collects dirt, it is no disgrace.
Tell her to look at the people in good standing who peddle dirt. Tell her
to look at the papers. Tell her to tell the world that it’s better any day
to collect than to peddle dirt.</p>
<p>Tell her that when her father, up on his great smelly throne, drives
around the corner of Powell and Geary that dressed-up folk needn’t disdain
him so much. He’s a sermon. They won’t like him as a sermon so much as a
garbage man but he’s a sermon just the same. The text is that back of most
things that are dainty and beautiful is the drudgery worker. Tell her that
there isn’t an immaculate kitchen in San Francisco that doesn’t depend
upon her father.</p>
<p>Nor a feast at the Palace or the St. Francis. Tomato skins and the nests
that cauliflowers come in, and gnawed “T” bones. What would become of them
if she had no father. And coffee grounds and the nameless things that have
been forgotten and burned by the absent-minded. Tell the little girl about
Omar Khayyam and how he might have said—.</p>
<p>Oh, many a charred secret into the garbage can goes That from the kitchen
range in blackened cloud once rose. Tell her that there is a professor at
Yale whose father was a junk man. All this and more tell the garbage man’s
little girl.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Palace </h2>
<p>Someone was telling me of an old couple who lost everything they owned at
the time of the fire, and that they were very brave about it and never
broke down, and even helped others, but that when someone came running up
and said: “The Palace is on fire,” they both sat down on the curb and gave
way completely to grief.</p>
<p>And they say that after the fire the first piece of publicity which was
given to the world as a proof that San Francisco would come back, was that
the Palace would be rebuilt immediately. And a man from Virginia City, a
descendant of the Comstock days, told me that in Nevada they speak of “The
Palace” as Russians speak of the Kremlin as a pivot of destiny. What I am
trying to say, of course, is that the Palace is a tradition just as the
Waldorf-Astoria is a tradition, only not at all in the same way.</p>
<p>The Palace is a great place for women who are alone and a place where a
man may bring “the missus” with impunity. The Palace is stylish, perhaps,
but principally it is select. It suggests to me women who wear suits of
clothes, mostly dark gray, all wool and a yard wide, women who wear two
petticoats and Hanan shoes and Knox hats and who carry suit cases covered
with foreign express tags, and whom porters run to meet because they know
that these women may not be so stylish as they are generous tippers. And
the Palace suggests to me afternoon teas, and that peculiar composite
chatter of women’s voices which is more like the sound of birds in a
flock, and which Powys speaks of as a strange inarticulate chitter chatter
which isn’t really speech at all.</p>
<p>The other day a well groomed young official from the hotel took me out to
see the famous old Palace bar and the beautiful Maxfield Parrish painting
above it. They have taken the rail away, and around the edge of the bar
they have built a nicely finished woodwork wall which looks exactly like a
great coffin, the coffin of John Barleycorn. After the manner of my
species I wanted to see over the edge and the young man, thinking that I
might be suspecting a blind pig, boosted me up to peck over. I asked him
why they didn’t remove the bar entirely and he said with unsmiling naivete
that they were waiting “to see” and that they had saved the rail, “in
case.”</p>
<p>If I were a reformer I should agitate and have that remarkably joyous and
beautiful Parrish painting placed where it could be seen. I’d take it out
to some San Francisco school so that the dear Pied Piper and all the
little round kiddies running after should be a delight to school children.</p>
<p>And now I have come to the end and all that I have said is that the Palace
Hotel is the San Francisco tradition and everyone in the United States
knew that long ago.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Zoe’s Garden </h2>
<p>Zoe says emphatically that it is not her garden, but everybody’s garden.
But it is her garden because she tends it, and every morning goes around
among her flowers lovingly, giving a little dig of dirt here, and tying
some frail sisters up there and then, with her scissors, clipping,
snipping and nipping away. Yes, it is Zoe’s garden.</p>
<p>Anything that has spunk to grow is welcome in this essentially San
Franciscan garden. And no one is allowed to bully the others. Big burly
geraniums and proud dahlias must keep in their places and give the dainty
lobelia, cinnamon pinks, oxalis and candy tuft their chance. The oxalis!
How we tended it in pots in New England, and out here in California, bless
its heart, it runs around like a native daughter. And as for the fuchsia,
how far it has grown from the blue laws.</p>
<p>There is no formality in Zoe’s garden. Marigolds go wandering about in the
most trampish manner, and poppies, because they are privileged characters,
spring up as they please. Then, as though the two of them were not
sufficient California gold, there is the faithful gaillardia with its prim
little sunflower-faces smiling up at their Mother Sun.</p>
<p>It is a democratic garden, too. Golden rod and asters grow right in among
the aristocrats. Fancy the snubbing they would get if they once ventured
into a New England garden—Hm. There is freedom there, but not
license, and every opportunity for individuality. The gladiolas,
canterbury bells, gillie flowers and fox gloves grow as prim as in a
conservative English garden. Pansies smile in their little bed, and
although the nasturtium, the wild-growing, happy-go-lucky nasturtium, goes
visiting around among all his neighbors, he is never allowed to interfere
with those who wish to keep by themselves. The sweet peas stay very close
to their tradition of wire netting, but they are not snobs at all, and
give of their bounty to all who call. The sensuous jasmine is there, and
the cold puritanical ceneraria and old maids’ pin cushions, with fragrance
of sandalwood. The red-hot-poker grows stiff and straight, but the ragged
sailor goes uncombed and untidy still.</p>
<p>Cosmos is coming soon, dressed in her very feminine clothes, and the
coreopsis has come on ahead. All old-timers are represented there,
honeysuckle, wormwood, petunias, rosemary, gilias, mignonette, heliotrope
and foxgloves. If they can not all be there together, all are there at
some time in the summer. Montbretia, Japanese sunflower, larkspur,
columbine and gourds all have their time and place and opportunity in this
San Francisco garden. And the hollyhocks, the bossy things, I’ve a mind to
leave them out. Besides I know some gossip about them. When Zoe was away
to Yosemite one morning they were all leaning over from too much moonshine
or too much sunshine and—well, I won’t repeat what the marigolds
told me about them.</p>
<p>Besides it is time to come away from Zoe’s garden, which is everybody’s
garden.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Children on the Sidewalk </h2>
<p>When you were a little girl, when you were a little boy, where did you
play? Was it in a barn? Was it a city park? Did you hunt gophers on the
plains of Iowa? Perhaps it was in a California poppy field. Perhaps a
graveyard. I played in one, and remember very vividly the grave of
Josephine Sarah Huthinson who died at the age of 11 months, and had a
little lamb on the top of her stone and an inscription: “Except ye become
as little children ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.” Many
delightful games we played around the grave of little Josephine.</p>
<p>Wherever childhood found us we played, and out of our environment and
often in spite of it, lived in a delightful world of our own into which no
grownup ever really entered. Now, you and I, grownup, walk along the
sidewalks of San Francisco and all we see under our calloused old feet is
a sidewalk. But to children even a sidewalk blossoms with possibilities.
Who but a child invented: “Step on a crack, you break your mother’s back.”
Only the other day I saw a kiddie avoiding every crack and muttering some
incantation as he walked along.</p>
<p>And out of the sidewalk grew all the different types of kiddie kars and
coasters that are so prevalent. I saw a whole load of children zipping
down a steep San Francisco hill the other day much as we children coasted
down winter hills on wicked “double rippers.” A hill and gravity and a lot
of kids, what possibilities. And out of the sidewalk have evolved those
nameless explosives that have been so popular over the recent Fourth. A
row of kids sitting on a curb, one of them darts out to the car track, a
car comes, great expectancy from the kids, terrific noise, annoyed looks
on the faces of sour adults, unbounded joy from a row of kids sitting on
the curb.</p>
<p>Recently I saw a tomboy who had organized the children in her block, and
had confiscated an alley between two straight gray houses, and I don’t
know what the game was but it entailed trips on a car down the alley and a
very bossy motorman, and “turns,” over which everyone quarreled.</p>
<p>Some dainty little Chinese girls were playing a sidewalk game with a white
stone which was a version of an old, old child game. The child would hop
to the stone and kick it away and hop to it again until she missed, the
object being to beat her opponent in the distance traveled. And I saw some
exquisite little Japanese girls playing jump rope and chanting one of the
numerous litanies that go with that beautiful game.</p>
<p>The sidewalks of San Francisco. They are full of adventure. Robert Louis
Stevenson would have seen it all. But to our dull eyes are only gray
cement block. Just a sidewalk to us and to kiddies there are mountains in
which Roy Gardner hides, and woods, and Tom Mix on a horse dashes right
past us and we never see him at all.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Feet That Pass on Market St. </h2>
<p>There is something about walking along Market street with the procession
of people that passes all day, ah, how shall I express it? It is thrilling
and it is amusing; it is cosmic and it is puny. It is often ridiculous and
always sublime. Sometimes when we are in most of a hurry the consciousness
of the procession will come to us. It is as though we were one of a moving
crowd that never began and will never end. At such times we listen to the
sound of their feet, the steady, unceasing step by step, an endless tramp
as though it were beating out the rhythm—“Eternity, eternity,
eternity.”</p>
<p>As we pass voices call to us from the wayside, a cripple so far down below
us on the very ground offering his silent pencils; the allurement of
flowers; a hoarse newsboy with his old, old face screwed into a thousand
anxious wrinkles; a blind man, silent supplicant, twirling his thumbs; and
from the windows the call of strawberries at 15 cents a basket. Overhead
an aeroplane hums its way and receives from us the tribute of an upward
glance. We gaze upward and think how many years before our day aeroplanes
were flying overhead in the dreams of men who passed and passed in the
long procession.</p>
<p>Idly we glimpse faces that pass us in the procession that meets ours. We
pass them and are never the wiser for the struggle and tragedy that may be
going on behind their show of brave masks. A man clutching his last dime
and wondering whether to spend it for rolls and coffee or coffee and
rolls. A business man absorbed and a lady pondering deeply some detail of
her dress. A young girl with soft un-massaged chin hurrying to keep a
tryst with her “friend,” and country folks, their feet sore on the
unaccustomed pavements, glad to be going home soon.</p>
<p>It is such an orderly procession and although they all seem to be walking
along forever, there is an order in their going and each is on his way.
Each one is free to go to his own place and yet no one is free. No one is
free to leave the procession once he gets into it. Once a man is born he’s
done for.</p>
<p>Let him veer one iota from that procession and soon there will come
rumbling up to the curb a big black Maria and off he’s whisked away from
his fellows. Let him but get into the wrong house or take the wrong
overcoat or chuck the wrong person under the chin—Pff! Let him
forget where the long procession leads and wander about a free spirit and
his wanderings will lead him to the madhouse.</p>
<p>I love to be one of the procession that marches forever up and down Market
street, such a brave procession.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Where the Centuries Meet </h2>
<p>She was a tourist and she had just finished Sing Fat’s. As she passed out
of the door she said smugly to her companion—“I don’t see anything
so wonderful here.”</p>
<p>I was standing right there and said I: “Madame, if you have been through
Sing Fat’s and have failed, to see anything wonderful then you should go
home and give yourself the Benet test which is used to test the
intelligence of children.” Oh, of course, I didn’t say this so that the
lady could hear. The bravest speeches we humans make are never aloud. Then
I continued: “Madame, you may travel far in mileage but you will never
take anything back to Dingville, Kansas, richer than a souvenir ash tray.”</p>
<p>Why, just to take a trip from Sing Fat’s to the White House is a
tremendous journey if one has the perceiving faculty. In Sing Fat’s a bit
of old Cloissonne, tiny pieces of enamel on silver, done with infinite
pains by hand labor, perhaps centuries ago, grown beautiful with age. In
the White House georgette flowers, exquisite things made for the passing
minute, a whiff and a whim and off they go. Just in these two there is a
meeting of the centuries, Handcraft Days and the Machine Age—B. C.
and A. D.—the oldest civilization in the world and the newest.</p>
<p>The most interesting thing in Chinatown are the Chinese. To some they all
look alike, but to me they seem very human and individual and folksy. I
find myself paraphrasing: “But for the grace of God there goes John
Bradford,” and when I meet a crafty looking old Chinaman this whimsy comes
to me, “If Deacon Bushnell who passed the plate in the Centerville
Methodist Church had been a Chinaman this is the way he would have
looked.” They are such small town folks. Even with the steady cycle of
tourists they gaze at each newcomer as though he were the latest comer to
Podunk. One day with a friend I called on a Chinese girl, and all the
large family and their friends gathered around and discussed us and
laughed among themselves and pointed at us. It was embarrassing but I was
never once conscious of rudeness, simply a childlike curiosity and
honesty.</p>
<p>In Chinatown the other day a peddler was selling spectacles and somehow
the old men trying them on and squinting for “near” and for “far,” seemed
so quaint and countrified and like a lot of old Yankees around a country
store trying to get a “new pair of eyes, by Heck.” In Chinatown the tong
men do not seem at all real and the hair raising movie serial with its
Chinatown terrors, Buddhist idols that open and swallow the movie actors
and floors that drop into dungeons, seem very remote.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Bags or Sacks </h2>
<p>“Do you like cafeterias?” I asked.</p>
<p>“Don’t know,” he answered, “I’ve never played them.”</p>
<p>“What religion do you follow?” another man asked me.</p>
<p>In a mining camp they told me to take such and such a “trail.”</p>
<p>The point is, that we did not talk that way where I came from. Of course,
I hasten to say, we doubtless talked some other way just as peculiar. And
if I could detect our colloquialisms I would write a lot about them but
alas I can’t. I was in the West two years before I noticed that a
“trolley” is a “street car.”</p>
<p>A woman in a mining camp said to the stage driver, “I want out at the bank
because I don’t want to pack this sack of silver.” In the first place we
wouldn’t have had a sack of silver and if we had, it would have been in a
“bag” not a “sack,” and we never “pack” things and we never “want out.”</p>
<p>In the East we never refer to our locality as “this country,” as in the
West and South. We do not take the name of our state either as
“Californian” or “Kentuckian.” One never hears of a “Connecticutian” or a
“Massachusettisian.” I do not profess to give any reasons for these
peculiarities.</p>
<p>In the West, speech is more brief. “Autos go slow” is the warning while on
the Fenway in Boston the signs read—“Motor Vehicles, Proceed
Slowly.” I wouldn’t swear to the comma but the words are identical.</p>
<p>There is a small to near Provincetown where a sign reads—“Friends,
we wish to think well of you and we wish you to think well of us. Kindly
observe the ten mile motor limit.” After that the roads are so bad that
one couldn’t possibly exceed ten miles if he tried. Probably the longest
sign in California is that one which reads—“Drive your fool heads
off.”</p>
<p>“Booze-fighters” are Western. Oh, they’re Eastern too, but under a
different name. It’s a misleading term, that. As though one were fighting
against booze like an anti-salooner. I actually know of a woman who came
West and thought for or a long time that a “booze-fighter” was a “Dry.” In
the East he is a “rummy” and when he’s drunk he’s “tight.”</p>
<p>“It’s a fright,” is Western. “Ornery,” is middle-Western. That’s a
wonderful word. Sometimes, I wish I could live my life over with “ornery”
in my vocabulary. It describes so many people I never knew just how to
classify.</p>
<p>There are no “T” bones in the East. And scrambled brains are not common.
Oh, of course, we have them but not as something to eat. Personally, I was
brought up to reverence brains and when I see them lying pale and messy on
a plate in a Greek restaurant, I confess it gives me a start.</p>
<p>Hot tamales have never crossed the plains East. And baked beans have never
come West—not real ones. The difference between the Eastern baked
bean and the Western is all the difference between a tin can and a
religious rite and it is the same with succotash. A cruller is only a
fried doughnut when it gets out West. Tea is more subtle in the East, but
out here the waitress will ask “Black or green” in a black or white tone
and stands over you until you decide. Maybe you don’t want black tea,
maybe you don’t want green, but just “tea,” but there she stands in her
unequivocation—“Black or green?”</p>
<p>Silver money has never traveled East. A man told me recently that he
didn’t like silver money when he first came out here and that it was
always wearing his pockets out but since he’d gotten into Western ways it
never wore a hole in his pockets any more. In the East a change purse is
scorned by anything masculine, but here all the men carry one, I don’t
know why not in the East, nor why in the West. Blessed old “two-bits” and
a “dollar six-bits” are the only woolly things left over from the old wild
West.</p>
<p>What else—oh, I could keep on for pages. “Stay with it” is Western
and has lots more feeling I think than “stick to it.” A Westerner when his
wife and babies were going back East to visit her relatives, telegraphed
to her brother—“Elizabeth and outfit arrive Tuesday.” And until she
arrived the brother spent his time in conjecturing as to just what an
“outfit” would mean. Rhubarb plant is “rhubarb” in the East and also “pie
plant,” and one day I was in a fruit store and when the man—he was a
Greek—yelled “Wha else?” I could only think of “pie plant” and so I
didn’t get any.</p>
<p>It’s all the way you are “brought up,” Eastern, and all the way you are
“raised,” Western.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Portsmouth Square </h2>
<p>“To be honest, to be kind.” Loiterers, vagabonds, slow-going Orientals,
poets and blackguards, all day long come and drink at Stevenson’s
fountain. Some of them look up and read it all and some only get as far as
“to earn a little, to spend a little less”—.</p>
<p>Small-footed Chinese women pass, humping along on their stumps and their
babies running along beside have larger feet than the mothers who bore
them, Bench warmers gaze after them with lazy curiosity. A fat Italian
granddaddy washes a kiddie’s hand from the fountain and a man with a
demijohn and a sense of humor goes smilingly down the path and what he has
in the demijohn is none of our business.</p>
<p>“To make on the whole, a family happier for his presence.” It is noon and
a bride has brought lunch for herself and her husband off the job in his
white overalls, and the two eat together on the beautiful grassy slope.
The poplar trees around Stevenson’s fountain whisper poetry all day long
and the little iron boat on top looks sad not to be sailing away on high
adventure to the South Sea islands.</p>
<p>“To renounce when it shall be necessary and not be embittered.” A woman
with a baby carriage comes by. Something tender and sane and everyday and
basic about her and her baby. A Chinese woman passing looks for all the
world like a black and iridescent purple grackle in her shiny black coat
and shiny black pants and shiny black shoes and shiny black hair, although
the grackle has a prouder strut than her dancing little trot.</p>
<p>“To keep a few friends and those without capitulation.” Where, oh where,
do all the men come from who lie stretched out on the grass? I’ve seen the
very same men lying on Boston Common, and when my father was a boy he said
he saw them there. Hats over their eyes or else blinking up at the blue
sky. Then on the curb facing the Hall of Justice, philosophers up from the
water front or fresh from box cars, everyone with a story that Stevenson
would have got from them.</p>
<p>“Above all on the same grim conditions to keep friends with himself.” On
the bench an enormous woman with a hat that looks like a schooner atop of
a great pompadour wave and on the very same bench a mummied old Chinese as
thin as a wafer. An aeroplane hums above and Stevenson’s little boat looks
envious. Where did Captain Montgomery of the sloop Portsmouth stand when
he planted the flag in 1848? The Mission bell, so many miles to Dolores,
so many miles to Rafael. Ring, Mission bell, ring and show us where the El
Camino Real will lead us all by and by. We who pass all day, show us the
way, Mission bell.—“here is a task for all that a man has of
fortitude and delicacy.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Miracles </h2>
<p>“Why, who makes much of a miracle?<br/>
As for me, I know of nothing else but miracles.<br/>
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,<br/>
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,<br/>
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water,<br/>
Or stand under trees in the woods,<br/>
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest,<br/>
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car.”<br/>
<br/>
—Walt Whitman.<br/></p>
<p>If man or woman be at all sensitive to life, he must react to the
commonplace much as Whitman did. Such a person may be hurrying along about
his business with perhaps no time for reflection and yet in a flash, the
miracle of life will come to him through the slightest happening.</p>
<p>A little girl on the ferry sitting with her mother takes from her small
prim bag a set of doll clothes, and fondles them and smoothes them much
like a pullet with her first chickens. The sight of those square, little,
gingham dresses, trimmed with scraps of lace and silk and with awkward
sleeves standing straight out, brought to me, on that Oakland ferry, all
my childhood again, and I was cuddled close between the surface roots of a
great elm and from the nearby lane came the sight and scent of Bouncing
Bet, Joe Pye Weed, Tansy, Yarrow, Golden Rod, Boneset, and over in the
meadow the sight of cows and the smell of peppermint and water cress,
beside a little stream.</p>
<p>The moment I write it down in physical words it becomes somehow less
miraculous. The mind is so infinite and the human being so essentially
mental, that the spoken or written word may never express them.</p>
<p>The sight of electric lights flashing at night, the view of the city from
a cable car, the wonder of great trucks bearing down upon us like
fiery-eyed dragons, a bunch of poppies growing close to the roots of a
billboard in the heart of the city, and the silhouette of a young girl,
wind-blown, so that her straight slender figure shows more beautiful than
the statue that tops Union Square. Up Kearny street the glimpse of
eucalyptus trees on the top of Telegraph Hill standing out against the
pink sunset sky, the postman with his pack of human messages on his back,
the spirit of Robert Louis Stevenson in Portsmouth Square, and a row of
old, old men sitting in the sun on Union Square discussing the Universe.</p>
<p>Did you ever stand listening to the seals just at nightfall, and did their
weird, low call stir you to a feeling of kinship with all the creatures of
the great deep, and did you lose yourself there out under the cold, dark
water in that mysterious untamed world of the sea that is older than the
land?</p>
<p>I don’t know what it’s all about. I only know we need more poets. Still
every man who reacts to life and feels it to be a miracle, he is himself a
poet. Even Whitman could only articulate in terms of wonder.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Impulses and Prohibitions </h2>
<p>One day last week a man—a regular man, neither a decided proletarian
nor a typical bourgeois—but just a man was walking along. He was
dressed in average clothes, he was shaved and carried a suit case and
didn’t look out of work and was evidently going somewhere.</p>
<p>He was walking along with this suit case—it was on Larkin near
McAllister about two o’clock on one of those superb days of last week—and
he came to a place where there was a stretch of grass near the sidewalk. I
think he was hot and the suit case was getting heavy....</p>
<p>At any rate when he saw that grass, tall, dark green and fragrant, he
immediately lay down on it, pulled his hat over his eyes and, I expect,
went to sleep. It sounds so free and easy written down. Which makes it no
less significant.</p>
<p>First, it was significantly Western. An Easterner or a Middle Westerner
would have thought it over first. Then the fact that the man was so
average made it significant. If he had looked like a vagabond it would
have been not even an incident. It is we who are respectable who are
fettered by Grundy. It was a logical thing to do and natural and terribly
human, but most of us can’t do the logical thing and natural even if
inside we do feel terribly human. Especially these spring days. Today at
noon I would like to have gone up on the grass in Union Square and taken
my shoes off. Why didn’t I? Not because of the police—but Grundy.</p>
<p>Now a Piute Indian woman could have done it. Her stockings too. A Piute
Indian woman when she’s tired she sits down right in the street, right
where she’s tired. But you and I, when we are weary we may sigh—“Wish
I could sit down.” But we can’t, not until we’ve gone down the street and
up in the elevator to some particular place where Grundy says we may sit.</p>
<p>The most significant thing about that man on the grass was that he was in
the heart of a great city. Cities are like homes. Some you’re comfortable
in—some you’re not. Now, San Francisco, it is a real city, with all
the metropolitan lares and penates, dignified and vividly active. And yet
there is no city in the country whose children may be as “at home” as
here. It is the only city I know of that has forgotten to provide itself
with nasty little “Keep Off The Grass” signs. It will probably never be an
altogether prohibition town.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Stopping at the Fairmont </h2>
<p>It is best to say at the very beginning that if one is tremendously
wealthy he will not enjoy this dissertation on staying at high class
hotels. If one has more than two bathrooms in his home and can afford
chicken when it is not Sunday and turkey when it is not Christmas and
could stay at the Fairmont all winter if he preferred, then these words
will mean nothing to him.</p>
<p>She has gone, this friend of mine. All winter she has been staying at the
Fairmont. Much of the time I, too, have been staying at the Fairmont as
her guest. So it is with a sense of double bereavement that I write.</p>
<p>Talk to me no more of the comfort of cozy little homes. Give me a hotel
where I am treated as though I were a Somebody. Where I have but to press
a button and a liveried servant comes running as though I were Mary, Queen
of England, or Clara Kimball Young. And plenty of hot water for baths and
lots of enormous towels and, as soon as one’s butter is gone, another
piece, and fresh butter at that. Pitchers of ice water and a strapping big
man standing so solicitously and watching one’s every mouthful. It makes
me feel as though I were the Shah of Persia. At home I don’t feel at all
like the Shah of Persia.</p>
<p>I came across something the other day that Boswell quotes Dr. Johnson as
saying on this same subject: “There is no private house in which people
may enjoy themselves as at a capital tavern. At a tavern you are sure you
are welcome, and the more noise you make, the more trouble you give, the
more good things you call for, the welcomer you are.”</p>
<p>This friend of mine can go to the room telephone and say, so incidentally,
“Room service, please,” and order a meal in her room with almost
negligence. That, I say, is elegance. Taxis, too, are another test. I
never order a taxi without a feeling of sea-sickness. Even when someone
else is paying the bill I can’t sit back in comfort. Always they are
ticking off the minutes as though they were my last on this earth.</p>
<p>They are simple tests that divide the plebeian from the patrician. Was it
Kipling who wrote:</p>
<p>“If you can order breakfast in your room and not feel reckless, If you can
ride in taxis with aplomb, If you can read the menu and not the prices,
Then, you’re a qualified patrician, son.”</p>
<p>After my friend had gone I went back to the hotel and someone else was in
her room and no one treated me as though I were the Queen of Sheba and I
went out into a cold, indifferent world where no one cares when my glass
is empty, where no chair is pushed under me at table and where, alas, I
must sugar my own tea or go without.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> San Francisco Sings </h2>
<p>Some Cities roar and others hum, but San Francisco sings. Especially on
Saturday at noon and downtown. Saturday noon in San Francisco is like
nothing else anywhere but Saturday noon in San Francisco. And Saturday
noon is like the noon of no other day but Saturday. On Sunday they’re off.
On Saturday noon everybody’s on the street.</p>
<p>There are more flowers on Saturday noon. On the street stands great plumes
of gold acacia, riots of daffodils, banks of violets, white, waxy
camellias and branches of Japanese peach blossoms. It’s still winter by
the calendar but it’s spring in San Francisco. Everywhere you turn a man
or boy from the country with baskets of the spring flowers. All you want
to carry for two bits and a nice bunch for a dime. Big, fat men and oldish
men with young twinkles in their eyes sell them, unromantic, but very nice
to deal with.</p>
<p>There are the flowers and there are the women. No women in the country so
beautiful. No women in the world wear color as they do. Their colors are
never primitive, never gaudy, but gorgeous and vivid and alive, seldom do
you see a woman dressed in black, and black hats almost never. Sit in the
gallery of any church on Sunday morning when the sun comes pouring in and
it is as though you were looking down on flowers.</p>
<p>Never two alike in the Saturday noon crowd and yet the same type. Free
women, happy women, regular women. Women who can recall a judge or so and
still be graceful and dainty. It is very significant that a San Francisco
woman stands at the very pinnacle of the city, graceful and alert on that
tall slender column in Union Square.</p>
<p>And the Saturday noon men—men?—men? In describing color what
can one say of men? Well, it’s not their fault that they can’t wear pretty
clothes. They make a nice grey background for the women and a very
desirable audience and that’s the best I can do for them.</p>
<p>The street musicians, they contribute a lot to the Saturday noon
atmosphere. And when we drop a penny into their cups, perhaps it is not so
much pity as pay for the joy their piping gives us. And the people who
call papers, of whom the blind are the dearest of all. There’s a blind man
on Powell street who sounds exactly as though he were saying Mass.</p>
<p>Dearie me, I can’t describe it. All its lilt and rhythm and color and
humanness as well. And ladies walking along with huge white balloons from
the White House as though they had been blowing bubbles from some great
clay pipes. And a plump, rosy Chinese woman so dainty in her breeches with
her shiny, black hair bound in a head dress of jade and opal and
turquoise.</p>
<p>We need more poets.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Van Ness Avenue </h2>
<p>Van Ness avenue is sole. Nowhere in the wide world does the proud and
culminating automobile own and dominate such a wide and sweeping display
boulevard.</p>
<p>The automobile, what a magnificent animal it is, long, low, luxurious,
purring softly, full of a great reserve, ready to dart forward, not to the
cruel touch of a spur or bit, but to the magic touch of a button. It is
the culminating achievement of this period of the machine age. The
airplane, clumsy and awkward as yet, belongs for its consummation to the
men of tomorrow. The automobile is the zenith of today’s accomplishment,
and that is why men speak of it as “super” this and “super” that.</p>
<p>The machine age has its own cruelties and its own, ugliness, but it also
has its own art and its own beauty, of which the automobile and the houses
which men have built to accommodate it, are the consummate art. Not all
will agree with me here. The critics will damn me with disdain, and the
King of Van Ness, who ought to agree, but is too busy talking cars, will
only remark, if he listens at all: “Pretty good dope at that.” But
argumentatively I proceed.</p>
<p>Not that I can name them. I am only sure, really sure, of a Ford. But I
admire them with a great pride in my human kind. They sit so majestically
in their palaces on Van Ness, great limousines, powerful roadsters,
luxurious touring cars, waiting there on display and containing in
themselves all the skill, energy, artifice, and beauty of line, color and
trim that the machine age can produce.</p>
<p>And the buildings on Van Ness strike a new and independent note in
architecture. All that the ages have contributed of arches, columns,
coloring and lighting are utilized and made into palaces of great dignity
and beauty. There is something about the arched and windowed walls and the
spacious, open look of the buildings that is entirely distinctive and Van
Ness. It is not Mission, Grecian or Colonial, but it is all of them. It is
as new and distinctive as the service stations that have sprung out of the
automobile needs. If we dared we would call it entirely American.</p>
<p>And the printing that high lights each building is an achievement in
modern art. Who but Americans would dream of using printing instead of
gargoyles or classic medallions as ornamentation. Some of it is very
beautiful and almost none is ugly. The use of the word “Paige,” the
printing of “Buick,” the “H” of Hupmobile, the Mercury “A” of Arnold are
to me very beautiful.</p>
<p>Van Ness avenue. It is exactly like its name. A long wide sweep for the
regal motor car, the most wonderful and proudest automobile row in the
world. The ghosts of the old, aristocratic and residential before-the-fire
Van Ness have seen to it that even commercialized it shall still be—Van
Ness.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Blind Men and the Elephant </h2>
<p>You live in San Francisco and I live in San Francisco, and so does the man
who owns the peanut wagon on the corner, and none of us live in the same
San Francisco—funny. We’re like the blind men who each gave a
different version of the elephant.</p>
<p>To some, San Francisco is always eight o’clock in the morning or six
o’clock at night, swinging on the straps homeward, swallow their dinners
and to a show in the evening. Such people never have wandered through
Golden Gate Park of an afternoon or sunned themselves on the benches of
Union Square. They have never seen San Francisco by week-day sunlight.</p>
<p>Then there are home women and leisure women to whom San Francisco is
always afternoon, down-town in the shopping district with ladies in pretty
clothes passing each other on the street or in and out of the
sweet-scented stores.</p>
<p>To some, San Francisco is always night. A taxi-driver who used to be a
newsboy down on the old Barbary Coast. He has never seen anything but the
night life of the city. Not bad, but night provincial—a sort of male
version of Trilby.</p>
<p>The neighborhood of Merchants Exchange on California Street is San
Francisco to hundreds of men. They ride out to the golf links and into the
country on Sunday. Occasionally they go to New York, but when they return
San Francisco is limited to the neighborhood where men inquire anxiously—“Is
she picking up any in the East?”</p>
<p>No matter how wealthy, no matter how poor, to each of us San Francisco is
very much limited in the confines of what each of us is interested in.
It’s funny when you stop to think about it. How the Master of Marionettes
must laugh at us when he sees us together. Perhaps some night after the
show, the traffic cop raises his imperial hand and there, waiting to pass,
the taxi driver of the night and a dear little home woman with her
husband, and Mr. Chamber-of-Commerce and close to him a man who has never
seen San Francisco by week day sunlight. There they all wait looking out
of their eyes on San Francisco and each seeing it so differently.</p>
<p>San Francisco is one thing to you and another thing to me and something
entirely different to the man on the peanut stand.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> You’re Getting Queer </h2>
<p>Everyone ought to have—well, what is it that everyone ought to have?
No, not a machine, not necessarily a garden and not even a camera.
Everyone ought to have children. If not children of their own, then
borrowed ones or nieces or nephews or the neighbor’s kids. Everyone ought
to have children.</p>
<p>People who have no children anywhere in their environment to whom they can
talk intimately soon become queer and lop-sided. They may not always
realize it but others will find them awkward and stilted and covered with
cobwebs and dust. Such people will be found hard to get on with and full
of snippiness. It is half what ails folks, that so many of them have no
children in their lives and it affects them like malnutrition. Let a baby
enter a street car filled with moldy, musty grown-ups and watch the
starved looks and the foolish and pathetic boohs and pokes they will dart
in the direction of the child.</p>
<p>It is often my privilege to tell stories to a group of babies, and one day
when they were crowded close around me one of them exclaimed—“Hey,
you spit right in my eye.” Then it came to me what a lot of eyes I had
probably spit into all down the years, and how no one had ever told me of
it so frankly before. Children are so honest until we teach them to say
that they’re sorry when they’re not, and to listen to stories that bore
them and to pretend not to like Jazz when all the time they do.</p>
<p>Contact with children takes us back to the genesis of our being and
revives in us something primitive and honest and natural. I saw a man
recently being led out of a grown-up meeting by the hand of a child and he
looked so cross about it and was so obviously trying to maintain his
dignity while the child hurried him up the aisle. I thought how silly.
When a child has to leave a meeting he has to, that’s all, and there’s no
use in arguing or getting cross about it. And really how good it was for
that pompous individual to get taken down a peg by the terribly human
appeal of a little child.</p>
<p>All of us ought to find some children to tell stories to for our own
sakes. And then when we have gotten Jack up the beanstalk and into the
ogre’s kitchen, and the ogre says in an awful voice—“I smell a human
being,” perhaps there will come to us some of the old thrill that we had
forgotten.</p>
<p>If you don’t know any children intimately, children who call you “George”
or “Auntie Flo,” children who run to meet you, children who hurt your
pockets with anticipation, children to whom you read the funnies or whom
you take to the movies, children for whom you may revive your childhood
tricks of making a blade of grass squawk, or wiggling your scalp, or
cutting out a row of dancing paper dolls, then hurry and get acquainted
even if you are driven to pick them up. If you don’t, then as sure as
you’re alive, you’ll find yourself growing queer.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Ferry and Real Boats </h2>
<p>As a matter of fact the ferry isn’t a boat at all. It is more like a house
or a street car or a park full of pretty benches. It doesn’t sail, it only
plies, plies between two given points at stated intervals, and could
anything be more dull. Nothing is more prosaic than a ferry unless it be
an ironing board.</p>
<p>Even a barge is superior, and a barge doesn’t pretend to be a boat. A
barge goes somewhere and it gets mussed up by the real salt sea, and so do
flat, old scows, honest and rough and sea-going. Any boat in the bay is
superior to the effeminate ferry. Even the boat to Sacramento has a bit
more atmosphere. As for tug boats, they are little, but O-my as they pull
the great, impotent barges after them. Pilot boats have quite an air
making the big, dignified steamers look foolish being yanked here and
there. The tidy fisherman’s motor boats look rather unimaginative, all
tied in rows at Fisherman’s Wharf, but they go somewhere, sometimes away
down the coast and from their sides the long nets reach away down into the
sea itself.</p>
<p>How the real boats in the bay must despise the ferry. Think of being
called a boat and never once sailing out of the Golden Gate. How maddening
it must be. If the ferry had any spirit at all, some day it would just
switch about and go chunking out to sea. Imagine then the concern of the
staid commuters from Oakland and Alameda to say nothing of the citizens of
Berkeley and Marin County, to find themselves being borne away from their
vegetable gardens and fresh eggs out to sea in a wooden boat.</p>
<p>I suppose there are many people living right here in San Francisco who
have never sailed away out of the Golden Gate, people who have been bound
economically or by love or duty, and have had to ply like the ferry daily
between two given points. But can there be a man who has seen tall-masted
schooners and long-bodied ocean-going steamers pass in and out of the
alluring Golden Gate, and has never longed to sail away to the enchanted
South Seas, or to Alaska. Such a man is not a man any more than the ferry
is a boat.</p>
<p>If I could choose the boat I’d sail away upon, it would not be a
coast-wise steamer, nor the prim Alaska packers nor even the steamers to
the Orient. I’d choose me a four-masted schooner, carrying freight and
going somewhere, anywhere, no one knows where. And then some day the wind
would die or some night the wind would howl and there would come to me a
great longing for or a ferry that should take me home at night in a safe
and prosaic manner.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> A Whiff of Acacia </h2>
<p>In Connecticut now, and in Illinois and in Utah too, it is lilac time.
Lilac time—I’ll stop, if you please, to say the words over lovingly.
In San Francisco now the lilacs are in bloom but it is not lilac time. In
Golden Gate Park the rhododendrons are blossomed into gorgeous mounds of
color but they are not an event in San Francisco, only an incident. In
“The Trail of the Lonesome Pine” set in the mountains of Virginia, they
are the dominant background.</p>
<p>Poppies and lupine and many others are the flower tradition of California
but they are not what I mean here. It is an impression of mine that San
Francisco more than any other city has taken the traditional plants and
flowers of other sections and made them into a composite that makes up the
plant atmosphere of this city.</p>
<p>Take roses and geraniums and callas, none of which are epochal because
they are always at hand. But with old Mrs. Deacon Rogers in Connecticut
who nursed her calla through the long winter that she might take it to
church on Easter Sunday, the calla was history.</p>
<p>Even the camellia San Franciscans take very philosophically. It has not,
for instance, the supremacy that Dumas gives it in “Camille.” In
Sacramento they feature it more and an Easterner who saw them picking it
in branches instead of single flowers, exclaimed: “Why, they think they’re
oleanders.”</p>
<p>The plant and flower atmosphere of a community is very important. Some
child is now growing up in the city, who some day will be far away when
there will come to him a whiff, perhaps of acacia, and in an instant there
will come surging over him all the feel and urge and thrill and
wistfulness and dreams of his childhood, and he will be once more in the
atmosphere of San Francisco. It will not include winter and summer but an
all-round-the-year-ness, it will not mean a flower, but flowers, cherry
blossoms from Japan, acacia from Australia, and the best from everywhere
which all together will mean to him—San Francisco.</p>
<p>The smell of the acacia, which he knew as the wattle, inspired Kipling to
write those words</p>
<p>“Smells are surer than sounds or sights<br/>
To make your heart strings crack.”<br/></p>
<p>Perhaps many others see with me this difference between San Francisco and
the rest of the country, as though nature here expresses herself in bounty
more than in resurrection. Oh, well, whether it be “lilac time” or “all
the time” to each locality there is its own beauty and, as for me, I have
yet to find, in all my travels, the “place that God forgot.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> It Takes All Sorts </h2>
<p>“Hey, hey,” called the tall, nervous man with the fat, little wife, waving
his arms at the conductor for fear he would be carried past his corner.</p>
<p>“It takes all sorts of people to make a world,” remarked the
sensible-looking woman beside me.</p>
<p>It is not the first time that I have been impressed with the philosophy of
those words. Who said them first, I wonder. “It takes all sorts of people
to make a world.” That is, if we only had one sort or even a number of
sorts we would have no world. To make a world there must be all sorts,
including the funniest folks we ever knew.</p>
<p>I looked from the sensible woman with her well-chosen clothes to the woman
across the way. This second woman was a sort of
dressed-up-and-no-place-to-go type, with a squirt of Cashmere Bouquet in
the center of her handkerchief. And nothing on that went with anything
else she had on. And a hat which one knew was a hat, because it was on her
head, otherwise it might have passed for almost anything.</p>
<p>The woman beside me wouldn’t have been caught dead looking like the second
woman. Yet she should have been thankful for her. For it is only by
contrast that the well-groomed look smart, and the overdressed look fussy.
Whether that is Einstein’s theory of relativity or not, I don’t know. I
only know that, “It takes all sorts of people to make a world.”</p>
<p>There we sit on parade in these side-seater cars, and what we are is
revealed so pitilessly to all who sit across from us. It is as though Fate
were making jokes of us and sits us down beside the antitheses of
ourselves. Such a one of Nature’s jokes I saw recently. They were two men.
The first was the sort whom one calls an “old boy.” A racy individual,
well-fed with a round front, an Elk, of course, a city man, reeking of
good cigars, and an appraising eye out for a good-looking woman.</p>
<p>Beside him sat a man who had been studying birds in the Park. Berkeley was
written all over him. A thin, pure type. He was dressed in field glasses
and a bag full of green weeds and stout walking boots. There was an
ecstatic glint in his eye which meant that he had discovered a
long-billed, yellow-tailed Peruvian fly-catcher, “very rare in these
parts.”</p>
<p>So there they sat packed in so close and so terribly far apart, both so
necessary to the making of a world.</p>
<p>And as they sat a boy entered the car with a shoe-box, full of holes, and
out of the holes came a “peep” and then another. And the Berkeley man lost
his abstracted look and the man-about-town laid down his paper and pretty
soon the boy lifted the lid a bit and both men peeked in.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Fog in San Francisco </h2>
<p>Sunsets in the desert, spring in New England, black-green oaks lying on
tawny hills in Marin County, fields of cotton on red soil in Georgia, surf
on the rocks of Maine, moonlight on Mobile Bay, and the way the fog comes
upon San Francisco on summer afternoons.</p>
<p>Sometimes when all its hills lie sparkling in the sunshine and children
play on the sidewalks, young fellows whistle, business autos go zippity-ip
around the corners, and the whole city is out of doors or hanging out of
the windows, then suddenly in great billows the fog comes rolling in
through the Golden Gate, and between the hills right up the streets into
the city.</p>
<p>Then immediately all is changed and everything is nearer and more intimate
and nothing of the city is left but the street you’re on. Then you hurry
home for supper and home seems good and sometimes you even light a little
fire in the grate.</p>
<p>Still it is not a cold fog, it is not a wet fog, it is never an unkind
fog. It comes swiftly, but very gently, and lays its cool, dainty hand on
your face lovingly. Hands are so different, sticky or wet or clammy or
hot, but the hand of the San Francisco fog is the hand of a kind nurse on
a tired head. The rain is a beautiful thing too, but the fog has another
significance.—It is the “small rain” that Moses spoke of—“My
doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the
small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass.”</p>
<p>It is very beautiful too. My, but I’ve seen fogs that were ugly, and heard
the fisherman say “She’s pretty thick tonight.” San Francisco fog is not
like that, but like great billows of a bride’s veil. Then in the morning
when the sun comes it chases the bride and her veil out so fast, and they
go out to sea together, sunshine and fog.</p>
<p>The other morning I awakened very early and there in the square of my
window was a hard, black cube against a white background. I lay there and
blinked and wondered where that telephone pole had come from, which like
Jack’s beanstalk, had grown there overnight. Then I saw that the fog had
shut out the whole world and brought that pole close, and made it seem big
and formidable and ugly.</p>
<p>The fog makes some people lose their perspective, and for others it only
wraps with a great kindness the whole world and blots out all ugliness.
But upon everyone, upon the just and unjust, this San Francisco fog lays
its gentle hand lovingly and with an ineffable kindness.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> A Block on Ashbury Heights </h2>
<p>Sometimes in the afternoons when the mothers are out shopping and the
youngsters have not yet returned from school our block looks so deserted
and wind-swept and dull. The houses are so much alike. They all sit there
in a row with their poker faces like close-mouthed Yankees refusing to
divulge any secrets. But from the bow-windows where I sit and type, in
spite of their silence the house fronts have become individualized into so
many human stories.</p>
<p>I never stop to look out but somehow the stories get in through the
window. For instance, I would not be so rude as to stare at the family
washing which once a week is hung on the flat top of a neighbor’s garage,
but those clothes up there have a way of flapping in the wind so
conspicuously that I cannot help see. There is the man of the house and
his, shall I say garments, kick themselves about like some staid old
deacon having his fling. Then there is the middle-sized bear whose
bloomers, billowed by the wind, become a ridiculous fat woman cut off at
the waist. And the little bear’s starched clothes crack and snap while the
revolving tree-horse whirls about like some mad dervish. I often wonder if
the family know of the wild actions that take place on the roof.</p>
<p>It is a very respectable block inhabited mostly by grown-ups except one
lively house where a dog lives with some boys and their incidental
parents. The door of that house continuously bangs, and other boys with
other dogs are always hanging around whistling under the windows.</p>
<p>Most of the windows are only used to admit light except one that is used
to look out of and is inhabited by an old lady who sits all day and knits
for her grandchildren. It must not be so bad, I think, to look out of the
window upon life instead of always rushing off to catch a car that takes
one into the thick of it.</p>
<p>Out of the window of my kitchenette I can look into the window of a girl
in the next house. Every morning I get my breakfast by her dressing. My
coffee I start as she begins to unwind her curls from their steel cages. I
have a suspicion that she also dresses by me. If she sniffs my coffee
first, I imagine she hurries with her curls. She is usually fixing her
eye-brows to my toast and by the time I sit down she is doing her lips.</p>
<p>After that she goes off for the long day and so do most of the people in
the block. Then at night they all return, drawn by some tie of love or
habit or despair, each to his right place in the long row of houses, which
have been sitting there all day with their poker faces, waiting.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> The Greek Grocer </h2>
<p>He had just opened a store on our street and in a Lady Bountiful spirit of
helping him out, I went in to do a little trading. I told him I would like
a can of baked beans. Baked beans, but he didn’t seem to understand. So
pointing over the counter where they were in plain sight, I said with all
my teeth and tongue: “Baaked Beens.” He followed my finger. “Oh,” he said
correcting me, “You min Purrk ind Bins.”</p>
<p>That was the beginning and for weeks that Greek has been correcting my
pronunciation. There is no use to argue about it. The fellow has no
reverence for Noah Webster and besides there are more Greeks, nowadays,
than Yankees, and their way is probably getting to be the right way.
Sometimes I think it is we who are the “foreigners.”</p>
<p>Once it was cauliflower. Now, I say cauliflower exactly as it is spelled
but that isn’t right. It is “Culliefleur,” said staccato. And honey—one
day I wanted honey and after I had sung “Hunnie, hunnie” in high C, and he
didn’t understand, I went around and picked out a jar of it. “Oh,” he said
reproachfully, “you min hawney.”</p>
<p>A Scotch woman had a scene with him the other day over some “paeper.”
There is no way of spelling it as she said it. She kept repeating it and
he kept getting the wrong thing. No, she didn’t want paper but “paeper”—seasoning
for the table—salt and “paeper.” The more excited she got, the more
Scotch she got and the more confused he. Then, when they were both fairly
hysterical, I discovered that it was pepper.</p>
<p>Then you should have heard that Greek scold. He told her that it was
“Pip-RR.”</p>
<p>And she said back, “Paeper.”</p>
<p>Then they argued and never once did either one of them get it “Pepper.”</p>
<p>“Paeper.”</p>
<p>“Pip-RR.”</p>
<p>“Paeper.”</p>
<p>“Pip-RR.”</p>
<p>One day I heard him laying down the law to a woman who had dared question
his price of “Rust Bif.” He told her what he had to pay for it in “Cash
Mawney” and asked her if she could do so, to explain. “Explin—you
kin explin—explin.” But she couldn’t explain. So, chastened, she
meekly bought the roast beef at his price.</p>
<p>Yesterday a U. C. girl was in and asked, “You are a Greek, are you not?”</p>
<p>“Naw,” he answered, “you min Grrik.”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Billboards or Art </h2>
<p>If you like billboards you are not artistic. Take it or leave it. That’s
the criterion. It’s not my verdict. Ask those who know, the literary
clubs, the art clubs and our distinguished guests from Europe. I can
remember away back when Pierre Loti visited this country and was so
shocked at the glaring billboards that marred the beauty of New York
harbor and blinded his continental eyes with their gaudy colors.</p>
<p>Now, I would like to be both artistic and fond of billboards. I can’t be
both. So I choose—billboards. Everyone who reads these words must
make his choice.</p>
<p>I not only enjoy them; I think they are beautiful. A lovely splash of
color in the grayness of the city, a sincere expression of American life,
so sincere that the critics who take their opinions from Europe never have
been able to sneer us out of them.</p>
<p>We must admit, those of us who admire billboards, that the critics had
their justification in the early days. We have not forgotten the days when
mortgaged farmers prostituted their barns by selling advertising rights to
Hood’s Sarsaparilla and Carter’s Little Liver Pills and to Lydia Pinkham,
and when Bull Durham marred every green meadow from Boston to Washington.
Billboards were an unsavory addition to the landscape then. But the modern
art of bill posting is quite a different thing and in California it has
reached its highest development. Segregated spots of color in the dun
cities, surrounded by well manicured lawns, supported by classic figures
in white and lighted by dainty top lights. And out along the boulevards,
how lovely they are at night, luminous breaks along the dark highways,
suggesting so tactfully the kind of tire to use or the sort of mattress to
lie upon.</p>
<p>The critic has had his mission. He has forced the Poster man. Fortunately
though young America has not taken him seriously. If he had this country
would have missed some of its most distinctive contributions to Art. The
electric sign for instance. That was condemned as vigorously as the
billboard. And today, tell me, anybody, anywhere what is more beautiful in
all the world than the dancing lights of Market Street at night. In what a
unique and vital way they express the life of the great modern city.</p>
<p>And anything that expresses Life, whether that life be mediaeval or the
life of the machine age, that is Art. There.</p>
<p>How pleased everyone is to know that the pretty Palmolive girl who “kept
her girl complexion” is married and has a sweet little daughter who has
inherited her mother’s skin.</p>
<p>I don’t always take the posters seriously. Now, I don’t believe that that
man “would walk a mile for a Camel.” He’d borrow one first. And “contented
cows.” Cows are always contented. All I’ve known. But they may have had
bolshevikish notions recently, cud strikes, perhaps. Hence the accent on
“contented cows,” to reassure us that there is no “Red” propaganda in the
milk. Then, there is the parrot; what a long time it takes to teach him to
say “Gear-ardelly.” And that sentimental touch, “If pipes could talk.”
They do.</p>
<p>Sometimes, in an absent-minded way, I get them confused, movies and
merchandise, and find myself wondering who’s starring in “Nucoa.” Then
there’s that ecclesiastical looking party, the patron of Bromo-Quinine,
whom I always take for some bearded movie star.</p>
<p>But to return to their artistic merits, they are artistic. Take those same
“contented cows.” What could be more futurist than the coal black sky
under which they so contentedly graze? Or the henna hills so far away, or
the purple grass they chew. Matisse and Picasso, great modernists, could
not out-do those cows.</p>
<p>The cigarette men are particularly interesting. A bit over done. One
cannot help wonder what enthusiasm they would have left for a gorgeous
sunset having spent so much on, a cigarette. But I expect they are good
men at heart and not so sensuous as they appear. There’s that jolly old
boy who hasn’t had such a good smoke in sixty years. One wonders if his
teeth are his own. They all have teeth. Everyone has teeth these days. It
would be a change to see someone on a billboard with his mouth shut.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Golden Gate Park </h2>
<p>Enter slowly, by foot is much the better way, and join the long, loitering
procession.</p>
<p>Black-green foliage, the curious old-green of trees that never wither and
never resurrect. Something very foreign or is it San Francisco? Cubist
effects of the horizontally-lined cypress, vertical lines of the
eucalyptus, and the soft, down-dropping of the willow trees and pepper.</p>
<p>Women on the benches tatting, reading, resting. A retired Kansan widower
passes, glances sidewise. Well, no harm in looking at a comely woman.
Gossip of mothers over baby carriages, “Only nine months old! Mine is a
year. Well, we think he’s pretty fine.”</p>
<p>Comes the sight-seeing bus. Blare of the megaphone. “Seventeen miles of
driveway, boost, boast, greatest in the world.”</p>
<p>All day long the swings are swinging, rhythmic, slow to the touch of
loving hands. Then at night when all is still and dark, they go on
swinging dream children, rhythmic, slow.</p>
<p>Down the slide into the soft sand. Grandpa tending Nellie’s children:
“Careful there.” Ding, ding like the sound of a temple bell the whirling,
dizzy iron rings clang against their iron pole. Tramp of the patient
little burros. “Mother, I want another cone.”</p>
<p>Bum-ti-bum, too-too-too, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-tahh, the band. Wagner by
request. Music lovers in the crowd. A symphony orchestra is very fine, but
simple people like ourselves, we also love a band.</p>
<p>I’ve never been to Japan, but this must be the way it looks. Tinkle of the
wind bells, petals of Cherry floating down. Sorry, but I’ve used the last
of the films. Well, we’ll come again.</p>
<p>The bears, the big brown grizzlies, leave them now. Out, what is this!
Fairyland of flowers and fragrance. Bears and orchids, wise planned
contrast.</p>
<p>People with accumulative minds wander through the museum, very
interesting, “Just look at this mosaic, John.” Exhibit of modern art in
the gallery. “Portrait of a girl,” only a daub to the wayfaring man.</p>
<p>Lovers in secluded places stealing a kiss, caught by the middle-aged.
“Silly young things,” wistfully.</p>
<p>Once all parks were private grounds. Free now to the poorest serf. Well,
there’s something century-gained. Some people say the world’s growing
worse all the time. Perhaps, perhaps....</p>
<p>Who cares. Lying flat on your back close to the smell of the earth, the
great kind mother. Up, up at the sky, how deep, how blue. Is there a God?
There must be Something; look at each perfect blade of grass. An airplane
across the blue. There’s something gained.</p>
<p>Automobiles in stately procession proud as horses ever were. Automobiles
proudly rolling, swings swinging, people passing, and the swimming of all
the water fowls, the swans, the Japanese ducks and the little mud hens.
Infinitude of movement, infinitude of life, ineffable beauty. There must
be a God. There must be Something back of it all.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Extra Fresh </h2>
<p>Some one in San Francisco keeps hens. Not only hens, but a rooster. I
distinctly heard him crow. It was in the very early morning, and like
Tennyson’s “Queen of the May”—lying broad awake—“I did not
hear the dog howl, mother, but I did hear this crow.”</p>
<p>It is Ralph Waldo Trine, I think, who says that “So long as there
remaineth in it the crow of a cock or the lay of a hen a city is not a
city.” But I would not base the citifiedness of a city upon the mere crow
of a cock any more than on the census. It is a vulgar criterion.</p>
<p>For human nature is human nature and nothing betrays human nature like
hens. It is not surprising, therefore, that some woman has sneaked into
the city limits a mess of hens. Neither is it an aspersion on the police.</p>
<p>Besides this was to be about eggs.</p>
<p>Has anyone noticed how eggs of late years are never just eggs, but
classified? The hens seem to lay them classified. There are hen eggs and
pullet eggs and large hen eggs and small hen eggs and large pullet eggs
and small pullet eggs and strictly fresh eggs and ranch eggs and choice
eggs and large dark eggs and all-mixed eggs and fresh cracked eggs and
mixed color eggs and small brown and, oh, hundreds of sub-divisions.</p>
<p>The very latest I noticed were “dirty” eggs, 2 cents cheaper. I look next
for “small dirty eggs.” Why should they sound so unrefined? More so some
way than “small dirty boys.” But an artist must paint life as he sees it
and I saw these “dirty” eggs on that bazaar—and bizarre—of
diversities—Fillmore street.</p>
<p>On Haight street I saw “extra fresh eggs” and how an egg can be more than
“fresh” I fail to see. Now, a man may be “extra fresh,” but an egg is
different. Even if it left the hen early it would still be only “fresh.”
Well, the grocer probably knows.</p>
<p>Every adjective he uses has its significance. Take “ranch” eggs, how
pastoral they sound and fanned by fresh zephyrs. The same with “yard”
eggs, such an “out in the open—let the rest of the world go by”
impression they confer. And so reassuring, too, as though they couldn’t
have been manufactured for Woolworth’s.</p>
<p>There is much, I find, to be written about eggs.</p>
<p>Isn’t it “up-looking,” as Mr. Wilson would say, that they are so cheap
now?</p>
<p>I cannot help wondering if that woman’s hens—the hens that went with
the crow—if they laid well when eggs were so high.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> On the California-Street Car </h2>
<p>She was a little black girl about four years old, riding with her mother
on the observation seat of the California street car. She was a little
black girl and didn’t know the difference—she might have been as
white as milk for all she knew. She was poor but daintily dressed beside
being very neat.</p>
<p>The rest of us in the car were grown-up and white—well-dressed
people who looked as though we knew a lot. We were all riding along; we
and the little black girl with her mother, when suddenly we came out from
the surrounding wall of apartment houses into the open, facing a side
street—.</p>
<p>And there before us, in all its morning glory, lay the great city of Saint
Francis. It was just emerging out of fog. The smoke and steam rising,
touched into color by the sun, softened it into a great mystery with forms
and hulks coming into relief through the mists. For a moment it wasn’t a
city but a magnificent singing of the morning.</p>
<p>In a dull, inert way I suppose all of us, the grownup people, glimpsed
some of its beauty. But we were all intent upon the business of the day—we
didn’t look out very far—.</p>
<p>But the little black girl who didn’t know any better, the little black
girl raised her two arms above her head and exclaimed in a high, joyous
child voice—“GEE WHIZ!”</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Western Yarns </h2>
<p>The men around the corner store at home were forever telling stories about
the big yarns that Were told in the West. One of the favorites was that
ancient one of the Western town that was so healthy they had to kill a man
to start a graveyard.</p>
<p>Having been brought up on this tradition of Western yarns, I have been
surprised since living here never to have heard a single story that didn’t
sound perfectly reasonable. But it has dawned on me recently that the
“Yarns” are true. Therefore, they are no longer yarns, but facts.</p>
<p>Here is an oil boom story I heard first-hand the other day. I believe it,
but you couldn’t get those men around the corner store to believe it—.</p>
<p>It was in a dusty town where everyone rushed in to make quick money and
never mind about the main street even if they did have to plough through
dust to their knees. Then one day a heavy rain came that made the street
one slough of soft oozy clay which no one could cross.</p>
<p>Then enters the hero. Even while they stood dismayed, gazing at each other
across the clay, he appeared with a mud sled and took them all across for
50 cents a passenger and $1 if you had a bundle.</p>
<p>Now, I believe it. Didn’t I see the man who had been there and paid his
four-bits to cross? Imagine, if you can, though, trying to make those
Yankees around the corner store believe that there was a town where one
had to pay 50 cents to cross a narrow country road in a mud sled.</p>
<p>I believed a man who told me a story down in Kern County last summer. We
were riding over the desert and I asked the stage driver the name of a low
yellow bush that grows down there. He was an interesting fellow, that
stage driver, who had been a buccaroo all his life and apparently knew all
about the sage brush country. And when he didn’t know he was not lacking
in an answer. I like a man like that. Answer, I say, whether you know or
not.</p>
<p>He said with great assurance that the little, low, yellow bush was
“Mexican saddle blanket” or “Tinder bush,” this last because it burns like
tinder in the fall of the year.</p>
<p>“Why, that bush is so dry,” he said, “that once when I lighted it to cook
my bacon for breakfast it traveled so fast that by the time my bacon was
cooked I was five miles from camp.”</p>
<p>I laughed—I couldn’t help it when I imagined that six-footer
traveling across the desert with a frying pan over that low bush. I
laughed because it was so real to me, but he misunderstood, and said so
sort of hurt, “Don’t you believe me?”</p>
<p>And I told him I did. And I did. And I do. Five miles isn’t a great
distance to travel over the desert after one’s bacon.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> Mr. Mazzini and Dante </h2>
<p>Mr. Mazzini will never be rich. He takes too much time for philosophy and
gossiping with the women, and he loves a joke too well, and his heart is
too kind. He is a universal type, as old as the world is old, Theocritus
knew him well.</p>
<p>“You pick me out some good cantaloupes,” I said with deadly tact, and Mr.
Mazzini answered that it couldn’t be done and that melons were like men,
that there was no sure way of picking them out for their kindness of
heart. Then he took time over the melons to tell me how his mother in
Italy, who was evidently something of a match-maker, had gotten fooled on
a young man who was both “laze” and “steenge” in his youth but who made a
very good husband.</p>
<p>One day it was figs, and I was strong for the nice appearing ones, but Mr.
Mazzini told me a lot about figs and chose me some that were lop-sided
from packing. What delicious figs they were, all stored with sunshine and
sweetness and flavor just as he had told me. Mr. Mazzini owns his own
store, and yet when he throws in a few extra, as he always does, because
they are soft or a little specked, he will wink and glance slyly around
just as though he were putting one over on the boss.</p>
<p>One morning I saw him sweeping out his store and he wore a woman’s
sweeping cap with the strings tied under his grisly old chin. When I saw
him I just stood and laughed aloud, and he asked me why not, and said that
a sweeping cap was just as good for a man as for a woman, and then he
stopped his sweeping and gave me quite a male feminist talk. And he has a
horse, Mr. Mazzini has, a fat old plug that peeks around his blinders as
humorously as his master. Oh, I could just keep on talking about Mr.
Mazzini for pages, but I started to speak of Dante.</p>
<p>I like the Italians and I like the Latin quarter where they live. I like
it better than Ashbury Heights for instance. I like the way the Italians
use their windows to look out of and to lean out of, and I like the way
they have socialized the sidewalk. It’s all a matter of taste, and I
wouldn’t criticize the people of Ashbury Heights simply because they use
their well-curtained windows only to admit the light, and do not lean out
and gossip with their neighbors and yell to their children, “Mahree,
Mahree,” nor sit out on their steps in the evening and play Rigoletto on
the accordion. It’s all a matter of taste.</p>
<p>Six hundred years ago Dante was an Italian, but he is much more than that
today. After six centuries Dante belongs to all those and only those who
can read him with appreciation and pleasure. Our scavenger is an Italian,
and he reads Dante just as so many of the Anglo Saxon proletair read
Shakespeare. So Dante belongs to this garbage man, not because he is
Italian, but because he sincerely loves the Divina Commedia. A waiter, in
Il Trovatore, a rarely honest man, acknowledged to me that he could not
read Dante, and that every time he tried he got mad and threw the book
away.</p>
<p>Dante belongs to the literary elect of all nations, Dante belongs to the
great internationale of the immortals. Dante belongs to Eternity. And for
that matter so does Mr. Mazzini.</p>
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<br/>
<h2> On the Nob of Nob Hill </h2>
<p>On the very nob of Nob Hill there is the ruin of a mansion which was the
Whittell home. In ruins it still is a mansion. In ruins it is grander than
any place around because it belonged to the grand days.</p>
<p>There is an enclosed garden in the rear after the fashion of old Spanish
gardens in Monterey. And between the boards that cover a door in the high
wall, one may peek and catch a glimpse of hollyhocks in a row and roses
running wild, trellises of green lattice and ghosts of beautiful ladies
having afternoon tea.</p>
<p>To one side of the mansion there is a formal garden that hugs up close to
the ivy-covered walls of the house. It is such a garden as one sees in
elaborately illustrated copies of Mother Goose “with silver bells and
cockle shells.” It’s so beautiful that it doesn’t seem real. California
gardens are like that, and to those of us from bleak countries they look
like pictures out of books. There is this well-groomed garden of the
living present hugging up close to the ruins of yesterday and then, if you
please, Mother Nature, with her penchant for whimsy, has grown right up
against these two a riot of purple and gold lupine, a product of her own
unaided husbandry.</p>
<p>I am not much on allegory nor sermonizing, but I declare San Francisco
gets me started. And when walking along about one’s business, one sees
such a vivid picture, the allegory forces itself. The grandeur of
yesterday, the serious beauty of today, and then the wild flowers that
covered the hills before man interfered and will live on after man has
gone into dust to make new flowers.</p>
<p>Such a contemplation would make some people blue but it gives me a feeling
of something basic and secure and eternal in all this strange puzzle of
life. It was a beautiful day up there on the tip-toe of Nob Hill. What a
beautiful view they must have had from the mansion windows. The same sky
and the same banks of heavy soft white clouds. And Job, that mysterious
man of the Bible, must have looked up at just such a sky when those stern
questions came to him:</p>
<p>“Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou
hast understanding.</p>
<p>“Dost thou know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of Him
that is perfect in knowledge?”</p>
<p>“Hast thou with Him spread out the sky, which is strong, and as a molten
looking glass?”</p>
<p>The nob of Nob Hill, how close it is to the sky.</p>
<p><br/><br/> The Leighton Press San Francisco, Cal</p>
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